Hi there. I am not really new here. I have been reading along for years but never really have anything to say so have not made an account until now. I would love to hear a variety of feedback and opinions on what YOU would do. I am trying to see if my thoughts are way out of line with the majority or within the realm of reasonable, so I want to compare to what all of you would do.
The year before this season that just ended my daughter started at a new gym as her small gym had gone out of business. She had cheered at the other gym for a year and a half as a y2 and sr3coed team member. At the new larger gym she was a j3. It was a big change to a larger place but the year went well. By December of that year she had mastered her lvl 4 tumbling and was starting on lvl 5 skills. She was happy and by tryouts that Spring she was very confident in her lvl 4 tryout. She had aged out of youth that year and ultimately the gym decided not to field a lvl 4 team in her age group- at least initially. After various parental threats(not from me- from other families) to leave the gym a lvl 4 was cobbled together. She was bitterly disappointed not to be asked to be on the team, especially as she watched those without the necessary skills be asked onto the team based on friendships and other things. I felt she dodged a bullet, as the team was not competitive in the least and that much struggle surely must get kids down. While she seemed to get over the disappointment in placement, the team she was placed on was NOT a good match for her. I watched as her self esteem and confidence began to dwindle. I rarely saw her smile and her spark for cheer seemed to be gone. Skills she'd had disappeared- at least whenever she was in that gym. When we went to clinics or opens with friends at other gyms her solid beautiful tumbling was there as usual. Red flags went up for me and I asked her if everything was ok- she always insisted it was. I made her coaches aware that she was tumbling elsewhere but not here and they were on a whole disinterested. I asked if they had suggestions for helping her over this hump and they again were completely disinterested. I asked my daughter if she felt supported and encouraged at the gym and she says she did/does. I chalked it up to a temporary block and just let her be. When tryouts came she did nothing to prepare. I asked if she still wanted to cheer and she insisted she did, but something was/is very different. She barely took part in tryouts and did just a few lvl 3 tumbling skills- not even all of them...no lvl 4 at all. She had told me she wanted a lvl 4 team this year so I found it odd that she behaved this way. I asked her about it and she said there was nothing to bother with- they would not have a lvl 4 team that would include her no matter what she did and that really she just couldn't tumble at all when she was there and she didn't know why. She burst into tears. I suggested that maybe she wanted to take a little time off and think about what she wanted to do...cheer, just tumble...find another gym. She cried more. I believe she passionately wants to cheer. I believe she does not want to leave her friends (the ones that moved with us to the new gym and the one she has made since). I believe these 2 facts make a HUGE conflict for her as I do NOT believe the current gym is a good match for my child, and I think she feels that.
In my mind cheer should teach you to self advocate, work as a team, commit, handle pressure, build self esteem and confidence, and when it stops doing all those things it is the wrong place/sport for you. I believe we have hit that point. The other thing cheer gives you is some very special friendships- and she HAS those. I want this gym to be that awesome place for her, but it doesn't seem to be so. SO- what would you do-value the friendships as more important than anything else and just plug along? Do you hold out hoping things will get better? Let her decide even though she says she can't? Make the decision as a parent that this is too detrimental to your child and move her? Something else? I am going round and round in my mind...and with her I just keep giving her options and asking for feedback. It all feels just too negative.
The year before this season that just ended my daughter started at a new gym as her small gym had gone out of business. She had cheered at the other gym for a year and a half as a y2 and sr3coed team member. At the new larger gym she was a j3. It was a big change to a larger place but the year went well. By December of that year she had mastered her lvl 4 tumbling and was starting on lvl 5 skills. She was happy and by tryouts that Spring she was very confident in her lvl 4 tryout. She had aged out of youth that year and ultimately the gym decided not to field a lvl 4 team in her age group- at least initially. After various parental threats(not from me- from other families) to leave the gym a lvl 4 was cobbled together. She was bitterly disappointed not to be asked to be on the team, especially as she watched those without the necessary skills be asked onto the team based on friendships and other things. I felt she dodged a bullet, as the team was not competitive in the least and that much struggle surely must get kids down. While she seemed to get over the disappointment in placement, the team she was placed on was NOT a good match for her. I watched as her self esteem and confidence began to dwindle. I rarely saw her smile and her spark for cheer seemed to be gone. Skills she'd had disappeared- at least whenever she was in that gym. When we went to clinics or opens with friends at other gyms her solid beautiful tumbling was there as usual. Red flags went up for me and I asked her if everything was ok- she always insisted it was. I made her coaches aware that she was tumbling elsewhere but not here and they were on a whole disinterested. I asked if they had suggestions for helping her over this hump and they again were completely disinterested. I asked my daughter if she felt supported and encouraged at the gym and she says she did/does. I chalked it up to a temporary block and just let her be. When tryouts came she did nothing to prepare. I asked if she still wanted to cheer and she insisted she did, but something was/is very different. She barely took part in tryouts and did just a few lvl 3 tumbling skills- not even all of them...no lvl 4 at all. She had told me she wanted a lvl 4 team this year so I found it odd that she behaved this way. I asked her about it and she said there was nothing to bother with- they would not have a lvl 4 team that would include her no matter what she did and that really she just couldn't tumble at all when she was there and she didn't know why. She burst into tears. I suggested that maybe she wanted to take a little time off and think about what she wanted to do...cheer, just tumble...find another gym. She cried more. I believe she passionately wants to cheer. I believe she does not want to leave her friends (the ones that moved with us to the new gym and the one she has made since). I believe these 2 facts make a HUGE conflict for her as I do NOT believe the current gym is a good match for my child, and I think she feels that.
In my mind cheer should teach you to self advocate, work as a team, commit, handle pressure, build self esteem and confidence, and when it stops doing all those things it is the wrong place/sport for you. I believe we have hit that point. The other thing cheer gives you is some very special friendships- and she HAS those. I want this gym to be that awesome place for her, but it doesn't seem to be so. SO- what would you do-value the friendships as more important than anything else and just plug along? Do you hold out hoping things will get better? Let her decide even though she says she can't? Make the decision as a parent that this is too detrimental to your child and move her? Something else? I am going round and round in my mind...and with her I just keep giving her options and asking for feedback. It all feels just too negative.
