All-Star Coaches Favoritism

[Katybugmom]

How do you deal with coaches that give some members privleges while others are ignored?

 

[Mo-Lissa]

Are the children getting the favoritism not good cheerleaders, or are they the most skilled in your program??? Sometimes I feel people say children get favoritism, but in fact are some of the hardest workers and most skilled in the gym. I don't see many kids with great jumps, double fulls and awesome flying skills getting overlooked in any program. So will you give an example??

 

[Katybugmom]

Are the children getting the favoritism not good cheerleaders, or are they the most skilled in your program??? Sometimes I feel people say children get favoritism, but in fact are some of the hardest workers and most skilled in the gym. I don't see many kids with great jumps, double fulls and awesome flying skills getting overlooked in any program. So will you give an example??

They are decent cheerleaders and they are flyers but there are others that could be just as good with a little bit of encouragement. The ones that are getting attention are whiny and kind of demanding, they hang on the coaches and get away with acting goofy. If another cheerleader did that they would be called out. The coaches just laugh when these kids do the same thing. We are all supposed to wear a uniform but they dont get in trouble when they show up in the latest fashion- now the team wears whatever they want.

 

[Mo-Lissa]

@Katybugmom That is definitely a bummer. We don't really have kids that do that type of thing. Are they really young coaches?? You would think the cheerleaders would be proud to be in their uniforms, or team shirts. Is it a really small gym??

 

[Katybugmom]

@Katybugmom That is definitely a bummer. We don't really have kids that do that type of thing. Are they really young coaches?? You would think the cheerleaders would be proud to be in their uniforms, or team shirts. Is it a really small gym??

It is a small gym and the coaches are very young. We've mentioned to them that some girls feel like there are favorites and they just don't see it. At almost every comp there is a picture of the girl in the coaches lap. She is 9, none of the other girls act like that. Just getting old when my child is called out on everything and this girl can cry and get the bases she wants.

 

[Num1Stunta]

My two cents... As a coach, I have had one or two instances where people think I have favorites on the team. I usually address it by saying, if you show up to practice on time and work hard, you're a "favorite." It's really that simple. If you're a kid who is constantly getting yelled at for talking, not paying attention, giving attitude, not taking it seriously, etc, then you're not going to be treated the same as the kids who are dedicated, who show up on time, who respect me, and who put in the work. It's not favoritism, in the least.

Every kid will always be given the same, equal opportunity to do well on my team. It's not like you start the season and say, "hmmmm, yes, I like this one and this one, but ooo not her." Everyone starts on the same playing field. The kids who WANT to excel and learn things, and who share the passion I have for cheerleading are ultimately going to get more out of it than those who are not as dedicated. It doesn't mean I care for them any less, it's just a different type of bond.

Sometimes, you feel like you spend MORE time with the kids who don't put in the effort because you can see what they're capable of, and you want them to love it just as much as some of the others do. Those are the kids I won't ever give up on. I love having kids like that, actually, because I see it as a challenge. Most of the time, I can turn even the most uninterested kid into a cheer know-it-all by the end of the season. But, when I don't see you in my tumbling class, and I don't see you at half of the practices, I'm not going to know you as well as I know the "gym rats" who are there all of the time, who hit me up on facebook to send them cheer videos when they're bored, who sit with me at competitions to watch other teams, etc.

Obviously, that's more in regards to the teen set. I can remember coaching youth and always having those few kids who were constantly clinging onto me. For some of them, there was a situation at home (divorce, mom not around, whatever) that made them really need that, I suppose. I think you never really know each kid's personal situation, and a coach may be giving certain kids extra attention because they may really need it. When I was in high school, it was me and one other captain my senior year. My coach was very close to her, often taking her places after competition, having her over her house, etc. It made me feel left out. I approached my coach in tears one day, and I said it wasn't fair for her to always be with one captain and not the other. She simply said to me, "Her life is nothing like yours. You should be thankful that you have two parents who support you in everything you do. She is not so lucky." I knew exactly what she meant. My co-captain was a girl with an extremely turbulent home life, which I knew at the time, but it didn't really click until my coach said that to me. So, you never really know why that coach is giving those kids extra attention.

Anyway, I think you should talk to the coaches and see what they have to say. Or whatever your gym policy is- talk to the owner/director first and let them handle it? I feel like I always love and care for all of my kids equally, so once something like that is pointed out to me, I'm alot more aware of it, and I'll make an extra effort to include the kids feeling left out.

 

[AllHeartxo3]

I would talk to the owner of the gym. Favoritism made me actually quit cheer for a few years. I was always the first person at the gym and the last to leave for practices and took tumbling classes and went to every open gym I could. I gave 110% and went full out even if we were supposed to mark it, but my coach hated me. She called me out in front of the entire team because my legs were slightly bent in a basket toss at a competition even though we won. I couldn't get one stunt right because she didn't explain it very well to my group and she gave the flying spot to my best friend after I only tried it once but let her do it for 20 minutes. I was even placed on a lower level team while all my friends who had the same skills as me moved up (keep in mind we had the same coach for ALL of our teams at the point in time).

It was enough to make me lose interest in cheer all together for a few years because I was just so miserable. We talked to the owner of the gym because she we didn't want to leave without telling him the reason since he was like family. She also favorited teams. For example, my team was put on the back burner while the youth and senior team were older and they got along because she was a young coach as well.

I would just calmly talk to the owner of the gym about it, because if you've talked to the coaches and they don't see it, then there is no point in talking to them again. If nothing is done about it and you feel like it's hurting your daughters success, for a lack of a better word, then I would consider leaving for another gym.

 

[Katybugmom]

My two cents... As a coach, I have had one or two instances where people think I have favorites on the team. I usually address it by saying, if you show up to practice on time and work hard, you're a "favorite." It's really that simple. If you're a kid who is constantly getting yelled at for talking, not paying attention, giving attitude, not taking it seriously, etc, then you're not going to be treated the same as the kids who are dedicated, who show up on time, who respect me, and who put in the work. It's not favoritism, in the least.

Every kid will always be given the same, equal opportunity to do well on my team. It's not like you start the season and say, "hmmmm, yes, I like this one and this one, but ooo not her." Everyone starts on the same playing field. The kids who WANT to excel and learn things, and who share the passion I have for cheerleading are ultimately going to get more out of it than those who are not as dedicated. It doesn't mean I care for them any less, it's just a different type of bond.

Sometimes, you feel like you spend MORE time with the kids who don't put in the effort because you can see what they're capable of, and you want them to love it just as much as some of the others do. Those are the kids I won't ever give up on. I love having kids like that, actually, because I see it as a challenge. Most of the time, I can turn even the most uninterested kid into a cheer know-it-all by the end of the season. But, when I don't see you in my tumbling class, and I don't see you at half of the practices, I'm not going to know you as well as I know the "gym rats" who are there all of the time, who hit me up on facebook to send them cheer videos when they're bored, who sit with me at competitions to watch other teams, etc.

Obviously, that's more in regards to the teen set. I can remember coaching youth and always having those few kids who were constantly clinging onto me. For some of them, there was a situation at home (divorce, mom not around, whatever) that made them really need that, I suppose. I think you never really know each kid's personal situation, and a coach may be giving certain kids extra attention because they may really need it. When I was in high school, it was me and one other captain my senior year. My coach was very close to her, often taking her places after competition, having her over her house, etc. It made me feel left out. I approached my coach in tears one day, and I said it wasn't fair for her to always be with one captain and not the other. She simply said to me, "Her life is nothing like yours. You should be thankful that you have two parents who support you in everything you do. She is not so lucky." I knew exactly what she meant. My co-captain was a girl with an extremely turbulent home life, which I knew at the time, but it didn't really click until my coach said that to me. So, you never really know why that coach is giving those kids extra attention.

Anyway, I think you should talk to the coaches and see what they have to say. Or whatever your gym policy is- talk to the owner/director first and let them handle it? I feel like I always love and care for all of my kids equally, so once something like that is pointed out to me, I'm alot more aware of it, and I'll make an extra effort to include the kids feeling left out.

I understand all of this because I teach in a classroom and realize there are so many different needs but I happen to know the home life and parents of the others and that is not the issue. These girls have become bullies and put others down when the coaches are busy. We've mentioned that to the coaches and they respond with, wow that doesn't happen at the gym they all get along so good it must just happen at other outings. Our girls just don't tattle on them but then they come home upset or deflated. I hate to go gym shopping but it may be time :(

 

[Diamond]

I think all gyms have their favorites.

 

[Katybugmom]

I think all gyms have their favorites.

That is probably true, I hate to jump out of the frying pan into the fire.

 

[Diamond]

That is probably true, I hate to jump out of the frying pan into the fire.

Your case seems much worse though..I'd go to another gym=/

 

[Diamond]

Your case seems much worse though..I'd go to another gym=/

The only time I hated favoritism was when I knew that I was better than the favorites, yet they were still in front of me in the routine..and they sucked lol. Sometimes favorites are athletes that work hard & deserve the praise and sometimes they're just buddy buddy w/ the coach..

 

[Cheermommy3]

My cp has that problem this year. The girl is very close to the coaches, hangs out at their house, mom is close to them and goes out with them all the time. The girl does not have the skills to be on the level the team is. She is my cp's base and things got taken out because this girl can't do it and yet my cp gets the blame. There was a pic at a comp (where my cp fell hard) where this girl didn't catch her when she should have (picture caught it great). Cp can do all of the things right (she does flying privates and classes and can do it). My cp is always getting the blame. This girl also walks around spreading rumors about my cp but when I had mentioned to the coach that there was an issue didn't do a thing about it!! Just can't wait for the season to end so she can get away from this girl!

 

[Katybugmom]

My cp has that problem this year. The girl is very close to the coaches, hangs out at their house, mom is close to them and goes out with them all the time. The girl does not have the skills to be on the level the team is. She is my cp's base and things got taken out because this girl can't do it and yet my cp gets the blame. There was a pic at a comp (where my cp fell hard) where this girl didn't catch her when she should have (picture caught it great). Cp can do all of the things right (she does flying privates and classes and can do it). My cp is always getting the blame. This girl also walks around spreading rumors about my cp but when I had mentioned to the coach that there was an issue didn't do a thing about it!! Just can't wait for the season to end so she can get away from this girl!

I know what you mean, I am hoping to be on a different level next year.

 

[AScheer]

I think all gyms have their favorites.

Of course every coach has a favorite or two. Its only human to naturally bond with some more than others. Its not okay to play favorites though! I for one can think of 3 girls this year who I would consider my favorites for various reasons, however if you asked my team or their parents to pick them out I would bet they would all guess wrong. Last year everyone seemed to think that I was playing favorites with one girl, when in fact she was one of my least favorites, so talking with a coach can help clear up confusion. When people ask if I have a favorite, I tell them yes.. whoever is doing what they are supposed to, how they are supposed to is my favorite at that moment and it usually changes a few times a day! If you aren't happy where you are at though and have addressed issues that remain unresolved then you will probably be happier somewhere else.