High School Having problems with a girl on the team.

[Josmaxiimo]

So I’m currently in Highschool, and was going to try out for cheer for freshman year but since I was busy missed the try outs, but keep in mind during that a guy that I really liked was talking to this girl who was on the cheer team (they’re a grade older than me) and they stopped talking due to him being busy so then since me and him were super close we started dating and she thought i homewrecked her and the guy and just started talking bunch of crap about me to her friends and I didn’t know who this girl was. The problem got to where she was on Instagram live and decided to make little comments about me with her friends and asking if and the guy were still dating 3 months later, she was just saying a bunch of mean stuff so like any regular teen I snapped at her and cussed her out and gave her the same energy she gave me at the start. She plays the victim now and tells people I clapped at her since she was bullying and picking on me, school started and she had been picking on me for about 1 year already. At the end of the year we have cheer try outs so I went like I said I would last year and guess what, there she was with her friends. Her friend gave me a weird look and went into the locker room laughing about me and making comments about I only know this because a girl who’s on the team was changing and she came out to tell me. So whatever I go in there and she decides to stand next to me, out of the whole big gym she stands next to me and starts cheering as loud as she can and showing off and all her friends are complimenting her. I just decided not to try out because id guess it would bother me being with her on cheer, the thing is I have my tumbling good and have many skills and good jumps. But i dont know should I try out next year ? Please help!!

 

[catlady]

For the love of HS, where girls tend to mark boys like dogs mark fire hydrants. Hopefully, there will come a day where girls rally together and decide short term relationships that don't work out aren't worth this kind of baffoonery. But, I digress...

Only you can determine how much you can take, you know these girls better than we do, and you have a better idea of how far they're willing to take this. Some girls are relentless when it's to the point their friends are involved. Others, will get bored and eventually just ignore you. I'm all about kindness and respect, but I also don't believe in allowing others to steal or control your happiness. HOWEVER, if you decided not to tryout because of what they were doing as stated above, can you handle that behavior now? If you can, by all means, tryout, but make sure you are able to ignore their attempts to intimidate you. Bully 101 is walking away, but they'll know you can't do that every time they engage with you at tryouts or practice. Also, does the team have Captains or CoCaps? Girls like that, in a place of power, will tend to use it. Just food for thought, but I'm hoping they're the type you can ignore and they'll eventually move on. Good luck!

 

[Josmaxiimo]

For the love of HS, where girls tend to mark boys like dogs mark fire hydrants. Hopefully, there will come a day where girls rally together and decide short term relationships that don't work out aren't worth this kind of baffoonery. But, I digress...

Only you can determine how much you can take, you know these girls better than we do, and you have a better idea of how far they're willing to take this. Some girls are relentless when it's to the point their friends are involved. Others, will get bored and eventually just ignore you. I'm all about kindness and respect, but I also don't believe in allowing others to steal or control your happiness. HOWEVER, if you decided not to tryout because of what they were doing as stated above, can you handle that behavior now? If you can, by all means, tryout, but make sure you are able to ignore their attempts to intimidate you. Bully 101 is walking away, but they'll know you can't do that every time they engage with you at tryouts or practice. Also, does the team have Captains or CoCaps? Girls like that, in a place of power, will tend to use it. Just food for thought, but I'm hoping they're the type you can ignore and they'll eventually

 

[Josmaxiimo]

the girl made varsity this year, and all her friends who she was laughing about me to quit cheer because they didn’t make it. So now she’s by herself and she’s talked a lot of crap to other people about me and honestly the whole team doesn’t like her because of what she was saying about me. Many girls gave me their opinion to try out next year because there’s no way she’s gonna bother me with having no friends on varsity. But she gives me little smirks in the hall and me and the guy have been together for almost a year now, but he walked me to class and one day he wasn’t here so her and her friends pointed at me and burst out laughing. I try not to get it bother me but honestly she just doesn’t stop. Should I take it further and get the cheer coach involved or let her mom know? I really do not wanna be mean and be the reason she gets kicked off but the bullying is really bad.

 

[catlady]

the girl made varsity this year, and all her friends who she was laughing about me to quit cheer because they didn’t make it. So now she’s by herself and she’s talked a lot of crap to other people about me and honestly the whole team doesn’t like her because of what she was saying about me. Many girls gave me their opinion to try out next year because there’s no way she’s gonna bother me with having no friends on varsity. But she gives me little smirks in the hall and me and the guy have been together for almost a year now, but he walked me to class and one day he wasn’t here so her and her friends pointed at me and burst out laughing. I try not to get it bother me but honestly she just doesn’t stop. Should I take it further and get the cheer coach involved or let her mom know? I really do not wanna be mean and be the reason she gets kicked off but the bullying is really bad.

I would go to a teacher you trust, and hopefully, knows you both. Ask the teacher if she would approach her and say something such as, "I noticed you and your friends giving @Josmaxiimo trouble in the hallway. What's going on?" If she tries to defend herself, that gives the teacher an opportunity to say in a caring way, "Unfortunately, I've noticed it's you and your friends starting it every time. What's going on?" That gives this girl another chance to tell her story or, play victim. Either way, it allows the teacher to handle it from a point of concern toward the girl. The teacher can then say something along the lines of, "I've seen this going on for a while and it appears to everyone you are the one struggling with something. I hate to see you hurting and would love to listen, but if you're not willing to talk about it, it's time for you to stop and move on. It's okay to tell the person they hurt you, but one time is sufficient. After that, there's no better revenge than being unbothered and happy."
If that doesn't work, I would only go to the coach as a very last resort. BUT, please realize some coaches would choose to exclude you both from the team to avoid drama.

I began subbing part time during COVID and I have seen some incredible admin and parents, but I've also witnessed the opposite. My original career was a many year Corp Customer Service exec and it was my job to diffuse escalated situations. As a sub, my go to is "concern." For any kid seeking attention I just ask in a very concerned way, "Oh no, is something wrong with you? Do you need help?" Whether customer or student, "concern" always seems to throw them off balance.