All-Star Im getting bullied :(

[Lookits_lydia]

I’m seriously considering quitting cheer because I’m having trouble with one of the girls who also just happens to be my side base. I’m going into my sophomore year of HS cheer and I’ve delt with this girl since we cheered together in 8th grade. She gets mad at me just me for the tiniest things. We just had a 2 day stunt camp and it was longs hours in a gym with no AC so all of us were dying. As we were at that camp she made rude gestures and faces at me when we didn’t hit a new stunt even after the first couple trys. The last hour I had a raging headache and couldn’t remember the counts and she yelled at me and our coach made us do it again which made her yell at me in counting form on our next go. I had trouble with her last year because we were the bracing group for the pyramid and I would step in to pull up weight to save their wrists ( like a good backspot should) and she would stomp on my foot and kick me even though I wasn’t really blocking her or doing anything I wasn’t supposed to. She’s kinda making my life a living hell and I don’t think I can deal with another season of this. I told my coach last year and she yelled at her and then she shut up about it for a little and then after the season ended it got even worse. Our head coach just had a baby so she’s not really at many practices it’s just one of the team moms that helps us manage things and favorites the girl that bullies me. I feel bad quitting because I’ve already been given a spot on the comp team which a lot of girls wanted. But one of my friends who subs in to be the main base sometimes and otherwise is just spotting has seen it too and she agrees that it’s very unkind of her to do that. So what do you think? Should I try and talk to my coaches or talk to the girl? Or something totally different. (If you read all this thank you so much)

 

[CoachParks]

I’m seriously considering quitting cheer because I’m having trouble with one of the girls who also just happens to be my side base. I’m going into my sophomore year of HS cheer and I’ve delt with this girl since we cheered together in 8th grade. She gets mad at me just me for the tiniest things. We just had a 2 day stunt camp and it was longs hours in a gym with no AC so all of us were dying. As we were at that camp she made rude gestures and faces at me when we didn’t hit a new stunt even after the first couple trys. The last hour I had a raging headache and couldn’t remember the counts and she yelled at me and our coach made us do it again which made her yell at me in counting form on our next go. I had trouble with her last year because we were the bracing group for the pyramid and I would step in to pull up weight to save their wrists ( like a good backspot should) and she would stomp on my foot and kick me even though I wasn’t really blocking her or doing anything I wasn’t supposed to. She’s kinda making my life a living hell and I don’t think I can deal with another season of this. I told my coach last year and she yelled at her and then she shut up about it for a little and then after the season ended it got even worse. Our head coach just had a baby so she’s not really at many practices it’s just one of the team moms that helps us manage things and favorites the girl that bullies me. I feel bad quitting because I’ve already been given a spot on the comp team which a lot of girls wanted. But one of my friends who subs in to be the main base sometimes and otherwise is just spotting has seen it too and she agrees that it’s very unkind of her to do that. So what do you think? Should I try and talk to my coaches or talk to the girl? Or something totally different. (If you read all this thank you so much)

Hey! I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I applaud you for taking that step and speaking to your coach as I can only imagine how difficult that must have been. I am sorry that the bullying has continued since then. Have you tried talking to your parents about this? It may be necessary to involve not only your parents but hers as well. Maybe you girls, your parents, and coaches can have a sit down discussion about the problems you’re facing. As a coach, it can sometimes be hard to manage and see everything going on with the team but it is our job to fix issues when they are brought to our attention. I don’t think that you should allow the bully to take cheer away from you! You deserve to be on that team without feeling like you don’t belong. I hope things get better for you! Keep cheering and keep your head up!

 

[catlady]

I agree with @CoachParks, and would like to add a couple of things:

Make sure you're not giving her what she wants. No reactions. None. If she gives you a face or says something with the intent to make you feel less than, don't look away, don't look down, don't say a word. Stare at her a good while and let her stew in her own stupidity. Bully's want a reaction, don't give her that gratification.

Based on what you said above. Before practice, stunt camps, etc. make sure you are well hydrated (64 oz every single day, not a few sips before practice), then 8 oz of water every 15-20 minutes while working out, and make sure you are well fueled on protein and good carbs. Hard workouts in a building without AC require several days of good hydration and a good diet to prevent migraines, memory loss, and possible blackouts.

Stay strong, and don't let her steal your joy.

 

[CoachHannah]

I'm so sorry this has been happening to you for so long. I don't coach high school, but I coach junior high, around when this started happening to you, and we've had a few instances of bullying. It is 100% your coach's responsibility to be on top of this. You did your part by being brave enough to share what was going on with her; it is not your job to get this other girl to stop.

Is your current head coach the same one who you originally told about the bullying? If she is, her first mistake was in keeping you guys in the same stunt group. I would recommend that you get your parents involved to advocate on your behalf! You tried to resolve the issue on your own in an age-appropriate way, but the adults in charge of your team are letting you down right now by allowing this to continue (I honestly don't think your head coach having a baby excuses her allowing this to go on; even if she isn't physically there, she absolutely should have told the team mom to keep an eye out on the other girl who is bullying you, and the fact that she's being favored instead is a problem).

Your parents can take the next step for you with adult-to-adult conversation, and by no means should you be present when your parents have a meeting with the coaches/admin/other girl's parents. It is a matter that has escalated and now needs to be handled by adults only. What can help them, though, is if you write out all the instances of bullying that you can remember - around when it happened, where it happened, what you guys were doing, what she did/said, if you said anything in response, etc. Then you have a written record that is a lot harder to ignore.

I studied social work in college, and one of the most well-proven ways to get bullies to stop is for other kids to call them out. If your friend (or other friends on your team) are comfortable with it, just telling the other girl things like "Stop it, that's not okay" or "Stop doing that to (your name), you're being really uncool" can make a huge difference. If you are comfortable with it, it also works if you yourself say things like, "Please don't talk to me that way," "I need you to stop doing that, it's rude," etc. Be neutral in your tone, don't get angry.

Above all, though, listen to yourself. You have to prioritize your peace. If this girl bullying you at cheer practice is getting to be too much, and the coaches won't do anything even after your parents talk to them, then you have to protect yourself. Cheer isn't fun in a toxic environment. If that means quitting, then you shouldn't be afraid of how it will affect others. I hope your coach steps up and deals with this so that you can go back to enjoying cheer.