All-Star Is Cea Over?

[SL&AM]

Wait they’re not? I was a rec soccer coach and I’m pretty sure I had to become a mandated reporter.

This is handled at the state level, not the federal level so there is no blanket answer. I found this, it breaks it down by state:
https://dvmedtraining.csw.fsu.edu/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Child-Abuse-Laws.pdf

 

[SL&AM]

I coached HS for a while. Different animal entirely but some things still apply re: coaching style.

The thing is, so much of style v. abuse is subjective.

Case in point: My kids were once having the hardest time cradling lib twist down. I do not even know why. Th majority of groups were just catching so terribly.

Out of pure frustration I said: Okay wow, we are literally going to cradle drill from prep and extension all night as it seems we have forgotten how to do that." And we did.

Snippy? Maybe. but it was late. I had a kid to pick up from the sitter, you name it.

I got a voicemail from a parent the next day from a parent saying "I berated her daughter's group and embarrassed her."

I never singled out this group or child directly. Yet she felt berated.

This is frustrating and I understand it. I've spent a lot of time explaining to my girls the difference between a classmate being a a** and a classmate who is actually bullying. I feel like, as people have felt more comfortable talking about their experiences, some words have become overused and bullying was one of them.

 

[Keep_Believing]

I think this is exactly how things happen at MANY gyms. A talented athlete and winning means more than protecting our children.

With USASF registration, every single coach should be required to become a mandated reporter. This would allow for some consequences to anyone that makes the choice to keep this knowledge a secret rather than report it.

Agree, when I volunteered to help with my son's boy scouts I had to go through trainings and agree to report any suspensions /abuse to local authorities. That was just to volunteer.

 

[twincheermom]

Wow. Just wow. But unfortunately not surprising. This is why 24 year old MEN should not be cheering with 15 year olds. I am glad this young man is speaking out. I'm not sure what's more appalling, though, in the whole story--that it happened in the first place, that it wasn't the first time, that MANY on the team seemingly knew about it and not only did nothing but joked about it, that the coaches and/or owners knew about it, that the police weren't involved immediately, and that the parents have not pressed charges. Just so many things wrong here. And I wish that I thought this was an isolated incident, but I'm sure it's not. If this had been one of my daughters, you can be sure that whether they wanted to move forward or not, there would be arrests and lawsuits. There was a coach who worked at the gym we had been at previous to our final gym. My two never liked him and told him that to his face--they're not shy. He gave them the creeps. They were young at the time--maybe 5th grade. He only lasted a year. He then moved on to another gym still in the area. I guess this was sort of his MO--stay a year and move on. Anyway, he wasn't there long before rumors flew. The owners fired him and immediately called the police. I believe he served 3 or 4 years (maybe 5) and was released this past fall.

 

[Cheermom1979]

We had an issue with a male gymnastics when my daughter was younger. He just gave me the creeps. He was “cool” super laid back and very hands on with the girls. Always picking them up, piggy back rides, inside jokes, etc. we lasted one year and I pulled my daughter. She didn’t care for him - she was shy and he spent a lot of time trying to get her to warm up to him and paid her a lot of attention- it just didn’t sit right with me. No one else seemed to be uncomfortable- some of the moms seemed to engage with him - it was weird.

Wow. Just wow. But unfortunately not surprising. This is why 24 year old MEN should not be cheering with 15 year olds. I am glad this young man is speaking out. I'm not sure what's more appalling, though, in the whole story--that it happened in the first place, that it wasn't the first time, that MANY on the team seemingly knew about it and not only did nothing but joked about it, that the coaches and/or owners knew about it, that the police weren't involved immediately, and that the parents have not pressed charges. Just so many things wrong here. And I wish that I thought this was an isolated incident, but I'm sure it's not. If this had been one of my daughters, you can be sure that whether they wanted to move forward or not, there would be arrests and lawsuits. There was a coach who worked at the gym we had been at previous to our final gym. My two never liked him and told him that to his face--they're not shy. He gave them the creeps. They were young at the time--maybe 5th grade. He only lasted a year. He then moved on to another gym still in the area. I guess this was sort of his MO--stay a year and move on. Anyway, he wasn't there long before rumors flew. The coaches fired him and immediately called the police. I believe he served 3 or 4 years (maybe 5) and was released this past fall.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

I feel like the "grown man grooming younger male athlete" thing happens more than people realize.

The sad part is that cheer is often the first safe space that young LGBTQ+ people have, especially if their families aren't supportive. Some have said that's why they started because there were people like them openly participating.

Predators take advantage of that and it's not okay.

 

[catlady]

This is handled at the state level, not the federal level so there is no blanket answer. I found this, it breaks it down by state:
https://dvmedtraining.csw.fsu.edu/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Child-Abuse-Laws.pdf

I've brought it up in other threads, but the NCAA is currently fighting in a state supreme court that it has no legal responsibility to protect its athletes from sexual abuse. I do believe once their legal responsibilities are defined, other organizations will have no choice but to follow.

Confession time, I've heard "rumors" and have done nothing. While this is a very moving video, the first thing I noticed was him repeating "rumors" in air quotes. The number one thing that stops every single one of us from going to the authorities is the proverbial "rumors" in air quotes. The entire time I'm listening to these "rumors," I'm wondering where this person got their info? Is this something kids concocted out of boredom? Why are they telling me instead of the police if they believe these "rumors"? The video claimed parents were calling this man a pedophile and telling their daughters to stay away from him so, concerned enough to warn their kids, but just not enough to report it. If us parents aren't willing to take "rumors" to the authorities to protect our own kids, why do we believe a governing body or gym owner is going to feel more confident or take them more seriously than we do?

With all the Twitter uproar about all the cheer sexual predators out there, and everyone knows who they are, one would hope hundreds of people have been reported to the authorities.

 

[Sterling von Shimmer]

I've brought it up in other threads, but the NCAA is currently fighting in a state supreme court that it has no legal responsibility to protect its athletes from sexual abuse. I do believe once their legal responsibilities are defined, other organizations will have no choice but to follow.



Confession time, I've heard "rumors" and have done nothing. While this is a very moving video, the first thing I noticed was him repeating "rumors" in air quotes. The number one thing that stops every single one of us from going to the authorities is the proverbial "rumors" in air quotes. The entire time I'm listening to these "rumors," I'm wondering where this person got their info? Is this something kids concocted out of boredom? Why are they telling me instead of the police if they believe these "rumors"? The video claimed parents were calling this man a pedophile and telling their daughters to stay away from him so, concerned enough to warn their kids, but just not enough to report it. If us parents aren't willing to take "rumors" to the authorities to protect our own kids, why do we believe a governing body or gym owner is going to feel more confident or take them more seriously than we do?

With all the Twitter uproar about all the cheer sexual predators out there, and everyone knows who they are, one would hope hundreds of people have been reported to the authorities.

Yeah that’s where the grey area gets a little yucky. You just can’t do anything with a rumor in any official or legal capacity. Doesn’t matter how much you know it to be true; if you fire or discipline someone based on a rumor, it’s irresponsible or unprofessional.

On the other hand, if victims/witnesses aren’t comfortable coming forward — and many aren’t — then abuse runs rampant.

I feel like in a lot of ways this is like how the police can’t incarcerate a person for being creepy, no matter how many times people insist he’s close to harming himself or others. They can only do something after he’s already murdered someone. After it’s clearly too late.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

I also feel like cheer is a perfect grooming ground because it normalizes things like:

*Grown men calling 10 year olds "little sis so beautiful omg!"

*Grown men/women commenting "omg yessss body!" on little kid pics.

*Grown men/women being like "Happy birthday to my best friend!" In reference to an athlete who is still in HS.

Adults and children are not peers or friends.

20 year old coaches are not 15 year old athlete best friends.

25 year old coaches do not belong at under 18 athlete birthday celebrations.

18 year old men need not pick up and hold 12 year old flyers. Or call them little sis.

*Kids don't need to have groupchats with their 21+ coaches.

These are students/mentees. You are providing a service.

Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.

I mean, as a school employee if I did any of those things, I am on first thing smoking to not having a license. Or possibly to some criminal charges.

 

[5monkeysjumping]

I also feel like cheer is a perfect grooming ground because it normalizes things like:

*Grown men calling 10 year olds "little sis so beautiful omg!"

*Grown men/women commenting "omg yessss body!" on little kid pics.

*Grown men/women being like "Happy birthday to my best friend!" In reference to an athlete who is still in HS.

Adults and children are not peers or friends.

20 year old coaches are not 15 year old athlete best friends.

25 year old coaches do not belong at under 18 athlete birthday celebrations.

18 year old men need not pick up and hold 12 year old flyers. Or call them little sis.

*Kids don't need to have groupchats with their 21+ coaches.

These are students/mentees. You are providing a service.

Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.

I mean, as a school employee if I did any of those things, I am on first thing smoking to not having a license. Or possibly to some criminal charges.

I used to be a gymnastics coach, and our gym owner always came to the 3 year old classes to look for the "hot bodies". He literally meant the kids who were shaped like gymnasts, but the fact that a 40 year old dude was calling a 3 year old a hot body was gross to me.

 

[ImAChauffeuse]

We had an issue with a male gymnastics when my daughter was younger. He just gave me the creeps. He was “cool” super laid back and very hands on with the girls. Always picking them up, piggy back rides, inside jokes, etc. we lasted one year and I pulled my daughter. She didn’t care for him - she was shy and he spent a lot of time trying to get her to warm up to him and paid her a lot of attention- it just didn’t sit right with me. No one else seemed to be uncomfortable- some of the moms seemed to engage with him - it was weird.

In my experience there are mainly two types of cheer mom. One wants nothing to do with it and is only there because their kid dragged them along kicking and screaming. They fulfill their obligations as far as getting the kid to practice and comps on time and have a friendly rapport with the other parents and coaches but don’t spend a lot of time with them. These moms are the ones who will stand up for their kid and for other people’s kids when they see something that’s not right. It’s a part of their lives, not their entire life.

The other type - the more common type in cheer gyms, are the women whose entire lives revolve around the gym. All of their friends are other cheer moms. They think they are BFF’s with all the coaches. They know every bit of gossip and literally cannot hold a conversation with another adult if the topic is not their kids. So many of these women are desperate for the validation they never got in high school and they have never matured beyond that mentality. They will go along with anything if they think it will keep them in good graces at the gym - even if their own child is suffering for it. I briefly joined this “crazy moms of cheer” group on Facebook and lasted a couple weeks before removing myself. These people are literally insane. The threads that became a competition to see whose kid was the most ill at a comp like it’s a badge of honor (this was pre-Covid) - one woman said her kid had 105 fever but there was a hospital across the street from the venue just in case so it was fine. WTF. The way they respond to sexual abuse allegations is to make sure everyone knows their kid got a picture with that person at a comp. Reading about the abuse the kids at CEA have endured that their parents knew about but didn’t do anything to stop? I’m honestly not surprised judging by character of so many of the people I’ve met thanks to this sport. This is literally the only group/forum/board I even look at, y’all are mostly sane here. :p

 

[quitthedrama]

Wow. This is complete with actual documentation and barely has people responding. Meanwhile, grown adults are all over "the girl from CEA" twitter with their torch and flames - a girl who has named minor children in some pretty awful tweets with zero documentation or credibility (as related to those specific tweets). It's pretty disgusting what some are willing to ignore

 

[KPep]

If you would not accept it from a teacher, you should not accept it from a coach.

I never, ever yelled at my athletes, unless it was a dangerous situation and I needed instant attention from all. It did not stop us from winning at all and the climate was fun. Cheerleading is supposed to be fun. Winning is not a matter of life or death.

I don't wanna hit by fear of the coach. I wanna hit for my teammates and for the pride I feel.

At work, I would not accept being yelled at by my boss. Why should we accept it from a coach?

 

[catlady]

Yeah that’s where the grey area gets a little yucky. You just can’t do anything with a rumor in any official or legal capacity. Doesn’t matter how much you know it to be true; if you fire or discipline someone based on a rumor, it’s irresponsible or unprofessional.

On the other hand, if victims/witnesses aren’t comfortable coming forward — and many aren’t — then abuse runs rampant.

I feel like in a lot of ways this is like how the police can’t incarcerate a person for being creepy, no matter how many times people insist he’s close to harming himself or others. They can only do something after he’s already murdered someone. After it’s clearly too late.

Whether fear or truly caring about the person, this is true and unfortunate, victims and witnesses generally don't come forward. Your last comment is the absolute truth about the police and why I continue to ask people what they expect from the USASF. The USASF can turn it over to the police, the police can investigate, the USASF can put a person on a ban list while its being investigated and I would expect that person to stay on the ban list as long as the law keeps them on an offender registry. Once that person legally falls off a registry, I don't expect anything more or less from a governing body that has absolutely no legal authority. I am not for the USASF becoming judge, jury and executioner for criminal accusations anymore than Twitter. Police will be the first to state that screen shots of texts, emails, and phone logs can be created/spoofed on apps and why what appears to look like evidence can't be taken at face value and why these investigations are necessary. If these kids are bringing what looks like evidence to the masses on social media, then fear, blackmail and retaliation are no longer the issue and I hope these claims are making it to the police. Time will tell.

Side note: I just saw this article on an app called Omegle <click here>. If our federal and state governments aren't willing to stop this $%&# and protect our kids, how do we expect a governing body with no legal authority to accomplish that feat?! A parent can put their own age grid on their kids tryout packet, a parent can remove their kid from a gym where abusive and creepy people exist, but these apps, chats, DM's are allowing 24/7/365 access to kids and criminal activity with little consequence.
ETA: my spelling has been horrible lately.

 

[justpeachy]

Whether fear or truly caring about the person, this is true and unfortunate, victims and witnesses generally don't come forward. Your last comment is the absolute truth about the police and why I continue to ask people what they expect from the USASF. The USASF can turn it over to the police, the police can investigate, the USASF can put a person on a ban list while its being investigated and I would expect that person to stay on the ban list as long as the law keeps them on an offender registry. Once that person legally falls off a registry, I don't expect anything more or less from a governing body that has absolutely no legal authority. I am not for the USASF becoming judge, jury and executioner for criminal accusations anymore than Twitter. Police will be the first to state that screen shots of texts, emails, and phone logs can be created/spoofed on apps and why what appears to look like evidence can't be taken at face value and why these investigations are necessary. If these kids are bringing what looks like evidence to the masses on social media, then fear, blackmail and retaliation are no longer the issue and I hope these claims are making it to the police. Time will tell.

Side note: I just saw this article on an app called Omegle <click here>. If our federal and state governments aren't willing to stop this $%&# and protect our kids, how do we expect a governing body with no legal authority to accomplish that feat?! A parent can put their own age grid on their kids tryout packet, a parent can remove their kid from a gym where abusive and creepy people exist, but these apps, chats, DM's are allowing 24/7/365 access to kids and criminal activity with little consequence.
ETA: my spelling has been horrible lately.

All of this. Ultimately, we as parents are the only ones who can put a stop to most of these behaviors.

Obviously in cases of abuse where there are laws in place and evidence exists, law enforcement can help. Usually, that is not the case.

Make it your personal policy that your daughter (or son) is never alone with a coach, no matter how much you trust them. My daughter is 17 years old and I still drive her to tumbling privates myself. I trust her coach fully, but probably so did every other mother whose child ended up abused. Supervise your kid's social media and make it clear that it is not appropriate to communicate with coaches through those means. If your child and coach need to communicate, do it through groupme or make them include you in the messages. When there is coaching that's not okay with you, follow the 3 strikes rule. Give them two chances to make it right, then take your kid and your money elsewhere.

We simply cannot count on any agency to protect our kids more than we do. And after the damage is done, no amount of punishment in the world is going to fix your child. We have to prevent it ourselves. Set boundaries and hold them tight.