All-Star Moving on.

[Cheermom1979]

How do you conscience your athlete to move on from a gym?
We have been here for 4 season and this season will be our last. Our gym has gone to a win at all costs mentality and it is starting to feel toxic and unhealthy. Athletes are having panic attacks, vomiting, etc. at comps. Coaches talking down to teams when they are obviously upset after not hitting at comps. No team building unless you are the favorite team. No fun. Cheer over everything including mandatory school functions. I know it’s time to leave but my daughter doesn’t want to. Her friends are here and she know everyone and their parents and is afraid to start over. And the gym we will move to is much larger. Struggling…

 

[catlady]

If the new gym has a free trial class, I would definitely sign her up. If you know anyone at the gym who would willing to introduce her to some athletes, even better. If they have an open parent room, watch a few practices. With that said, if your child doesn't want to leave her current gym, I'm not sure there's anyway to ease that transition.

 

[cheermomforever]

Does not sound like a positive environment at all!!! As said above go visit the other gym, you never know….

 

[Knowcheering]

How do you conscience your athlete to move on from a gym?
We have been here for 4 season and this season will be our last. Our gym has gone to a win at all costs mentality and it is starting to feel toxic and unhealthy. Athletes are having panic attacks, vomiting, etc. at comps. Coaches talking down to teams when they are obviously upset after not hitting at comps. No team building unless you are the favorite team. No fun. Cheer over everything including mandatory school functions. I know it’s time to leave but my daughter doesn’t want to. Her friends are here and she know everyone and their parents and is afraid to start over. And the gym we will move to is much larger. Struggling…

What you’re describing doesn’t sound great at all, but if it’s not negatively impacting your daughter personally and she likes it there, I’m not sure how much arm twisting you could do to get her to leave. Does the larger gym have better suited levels/teams for her? Better opportunities to progress up the levels and Worlds teams to follow and inspire her or possibly aim for herself one day? Stuff like this could help sell her a larger gym.

How old is your daughter? The older she is, the more she will want to have the call on where she cheers. If it’s that toxic but she doesn’t want to go elsewhere, you could pull her out for school cheer.

I know you say it’s no fun, but if your daughter wants to stay, she must find something about it fun? As long as she’s not the one having panic attacks or vomiting at comps. A few kids just really struggle with nerves and may get queasy; competing is always nerve-wracking, you just try to handle it the best you can. If you want to switch to a much larger gym, chances are they’re expecting a certain level of performance out of their athletes as well, and there’s always going to be a feeling of pressure to deliver. Some coaches handle rough performances better than others though, yes. It should never be that negative of an experience.

Also curious what mandatory school functions you speak of? Most gyms wouldn’t want a kid missing for a school thing and would expect you to put cheer first and arrange your schedule around it. It’s so hard to practice efficiently when kids are missing, and if you allow one excuse, you have to allow them all and you never end up having full attendance.

 

[Cheermom1979]

She wants to stay because she is shy and afraid to have to make new friendships. Loves some of her teammates. But being 15 she doesn’t realize how toxic the environment is. She also doesn’t understand like I do the negative impact of the lessons she is learning there. And just because it’s not happening to her doesn’t mean she is not affected.
The gym we are considering is much larger- does have higher level teams - but with only 3 years left I don’t envision her moving past 5 so that is not a huge incentive.

And I understand you need full teams to practice. she hasn’t missed once all year except for the week vacation we are allowed in July; she has been there 4 days a week for the last 7 months. She has come in with the stomach bug, strep, and flu- because you can’t miss. She has a graded school function 1 evening and she cannot miss.

 

[wjules]

this sounds so stressful - in what other setting would we pay lots of money to send a child somewhere that could be affecting their physical and emotional health. If confidence the main issue then trying open gyms at another club, tumble sessions etc so she can see a different style of coaching and see how friendly they may be to give her an alternative - of course at that age it has to be her decision.

 

[Knowcheering]

She wants to stay because she is shy and afraid to have to make new friendships. Loves some of her teammates. But being 15 she doesn’t realize how toxic the environment is. She also doesn’t understand like I do the negative impact of the lessons she is learning there. And just because it’s not happening to her doesn’t mean she is not affected.

Good points. If you’re feeling that strong of a toxicity there, tell her it’s either switch gyms or do school activities. Point out to her specific examples of negative lessons you think she’s learning there. Maybe if she has a more-detailed understanding of your concerns, she’ll be more willing to leave (or at least not call you “mean” for yanking her from her friends lol).

Being shy in new places is a good thing to get used to, good practice for college and beyond. I’d explain to her that there’s always going to be a point where you have to leave current friends and find new ones; and making new friends usually isn’t that scary at any gym. There are usually a few quieter kids on every team, and they may to gravitate towards each other. Also, the larger the gym, the more likely there will be other new kids on your daughter’s team too, so no worries about being shy and feeling out of place.

I’d just encourage her to go to the Tryout (or a Tryout clinic right before). A private gym visit or Open Gym where you’re forced to interact with people right away or stick out as “the new kid” might be too intimidating for a shy person. At least at a Tryout at a larger gym, there will be many other new kids there too and they can all be shy together lol. No need to really talk to anyone at a Tryout, you can just focus on what the coaches tell you. And then you end up making new friends naturally based on where the coaches place you in a stunt group, etc.

The gym we are considering is much larger- does have higher level teams - but with only 3 years left I don’t envision her moving past 5 so that is not a huge incentive.

If she already has Level 5 potential or may be there eventually, I wouldn’t automatically write off her ability to end up on a Worlds team within 3 years. Sometimes being at a larger gym that cares more about growing an athlete’s skills to reach Level 6 will help her progress more easily. And if tumbling’s the issue, there tend to be a few non-tumblers on most Worlds teams. Athletes sometimes end up on Level 6 not solely because they’re the most talented, but because of intangibles (positive team player, very hard working) or because they fill a role well (very tall for backspotting, etc). If she likes following Worlds teams or wouldn’t mind being on a team like that one day, I’d definitely mention it as a perk of being at a larger gym.

Most large gyms tend to have some strong teams in Levels 1-5 too because of how large their talent pool is (there are a couple exceptions where a Large gym is blatantly not well-rounded in Levels 1-6, but for the most part, you can’t go wrong). Maybe look on VarsityTV for a video of a strong team at the new gym and watch it together and point out how good they are.

And I understand you need full teams to practice. she hasn’t missed once all year except for the week vacation we are allowed in July; she has been there 4 days a week for the last 7 months. She has come in with the stomach bug, strep, and flu- because you can’t miss. She has a graded school function 1 evening and she cannot miss.

I’ve never heard of a mandatory graded school function at night. That’s crazy of a school to require that when every kid/parent has different obligations after normal school hours. I’m thinking most gyms may have given you a hard time on that one. But I totally understand your overall concerns.

 

[Knowcheering]

Another selling point of a larger gym— your daughter wouldn’t have to be at the gym 4 days a week! (I’m assuming this means she does multiple teams?) Most larger gyms have enough athletes to fill their teams that they wouldn’t need to rely on your child to cross over. Maybe 2-3 days a week at the gym would be more manageable.

 

[catlady]

I just want to add, one person's "toxicity" is often another person's "expectation," there's definitely not a gym perfect for everyone. At our large gym, athletes were required to sit at practice sick, they were sent home if they had a fever or were vomiting. Sometimes kid's were yelled at after a performance when the coach didn't feel they performed to their potential or didn't use smart cheerleading costing additional point loss on a mistake (things they discussed often). Team bonding was organized through the TR, or other parents who volunteered, and it varied greatly between teams. The same with parent sponsored team gear. Mandatory events events were allowed, however, stunt groups who had an absent athlete at practice, had to come in on another night to make up reps . Athletes with anxiety often vomited before and/or after comps. Ultimately, we loved our gym, sometimes others found it too demanding, and I'm sure some even felt it was toxic. I only say this, because I feel every gym is going to have what you stated above to a certain degree, especially if it is a highly competitive gym.

 

[DonnaM]

Good points. If you’re feeling that strong of a toxicity there, tell her it’s either switch gyms or do school activities. Point out to her specific examples of negative lessons you think she’s learning there. Maybe if she has a more-detailed understanding of your concerns, she’ll be more willing to leave (or at least not call you “mean” for yanking her from her friends lol).

Being shy in new places is a good thing to get used to, good practice for college and beyond. I’d explain to her that there’s always going to be a point where you have to leave current friends and find new ones; and making new friends usually isn’t that scary at any gym. There are usually a few quieter kids on every team, and they may to gravitate towards each other. Also, the larger the gym, the more likely there will be other new kids on your daughter’s team too, so no worries about being shy and feeling out of place.

I’d just encourage her to go to the Tryout (or a Tryout clinic right before). A private gym visit or Open Gym where you’re forced to interact with people right away or stick out as “the new kid” might be too intimidating for a shy person. At least at a Tryout at a larger gym, there will be many other new kids there too and they can all be shy together lol. No need to really talk to anyone at a Tryout, you can just focus on what the coaches tell you. And then you end up making new friends naturally based on where the coaches place you in a stunt group, etc.



If she already has Level 5 potential or may be there eventually, I wouldn’t automatically write off her ability to end up on a Worlds team within 3 years. Sometimes being at a larger gym that cares more about growing an athlete’s skills to reach Level 6 will help her progress more easily. And if tumbling’s the issue, there tend to be a few non-tumblers on most Worlds teams. Athletes sometimes end up on Level 6 not solely because they’re the most talented, but because of intangibles (positive team player, very hard working) or because they fill a role well (very tall for backspotting, etc). If she likes following Worlds teams or wouldn’t mind being on a team like that one day, I’d definitely mention it as a perk of being at a larger gym.

Most large gyms tend to have some strong teams in Levels 1-5 too because of how large their talent pool is (there are a couple exceptions where a Large gym is blatantly not well-rounded in Levels 1-6, but for the most part, you can’t go wrong). Maybe look on VarsityTV for a video of a strong team at the new gym and watch it together and point out how good they are.



I’ve never heard of a mandatory graded school function at night. That’s crazy of a school to require that when every kid/parent has different obligations after normal school hours. I’m thinking most gyms may have given you a hard time on that one. But I totally understand your overall concerns.

Band, choir and drama classes often include performancea outside school hours that are mandatory and graded. If you take the class, you know up front that there WILL be such performances.

I've also seen required things for other classes-my high school had a big weekend foreign language festival, and if you took a language class, you had to participate.