- Dec 14, 2009
- 5,675
- 16,692
Delegating how and when you can communicate and creating an environment where every single electronic communication is monitored does not protect children. It shuts down communication that is essential in keeping kids safe. This policy could make many children in dire situations not step forward and/or get help.
Hypothetical Situation 1: What if an athlete is being abused by a coach and is too scared to go to their parent but is comfortable going to their team mom? Gyms are crowded, there is very little privacy to talk about something like this. What if the only private way they can communicate with the team mom is through text message or social media DMs? Per the policy, the team mom can't have the child on social media so there's no option for DM. The kid knows the team mom will attach the mom to whatever texts are sent. Scared about talking directly to the parent about it initially, the child chooses not to step forward.
I am not saying that a parent shouldn't be involved - a parent absolutely needs to be involved in that situation. But you're creating a situation where a kid won't even come forward. Kids need to feel like they have a way to privately discuss things and know they won't be immediately "told on" if they do. Ask the child what happened, make sure they are safe, and then notify the parent privately ASAP and get them involved.
I posted earlier about the importance of children having trusted adults in their lives outside of their families. Not every kid feels safe at home or at school or around their teachers. I'd like to think that gyms are a LOT of kids "safe havens" from family drama, school drama, etc and are environemnts where they feel comfortable to be themselves. Coaches, team parents, and other people at the gym are "trusted adults" for a lot of kids. I have no doubt in my mind that most, if not all, people who work with kids geniunely care about them and would step in if a child needed help but this policy could 100% create an environment where kids won't feel safe stepping forward and prevents them from even having a way to. There are a few more situations I'd like to present where this policy could extend far past cheer and still hurt athletes. Gym members and coaches can be the front line of protection or prevention for their athletes outside of the gym.
Hypothetical Situation 2: What if an athlete is being abused at home by a parent, family member, neighbor, or family friend? The child absolutely will not go to their parent about what's happening. The child needs a trusted adult to tell. This policy would prevent them from having a private way to tell a coach whats happening and could stop them from coming forward.
Hypothetical Situation 3: What if an athlete lives in a home where there is domestic violence, drug/alcohol dependance, criminal activities, etc? For obvious reasons the child cannot go to the parent for help. This policy prevents the child from telling someone if a gym employee is their only trusted adult.
Hypothetical Situation 4: Athlete is having a really tough time at school, their parents are fighting a lot at home, and they are really struggling. Maybe the school doesn't have a counselor for them to talk to or theres stigma at school about the kids who walk out of the counselors office. The kid feels really depressed but doesnt know who to talk to or ask for help. They fear that their parents knowing how their fighting affects them will only make it worse. The kid stays quiet because they don't have a trusted adult they can converse with privately and confidentially.
Hypothetical Situation 5: Cheer has a pretty significant LGBT+ community, both in the athlete population and the gym member population. For the most part, the cheer community is a very accepting place for LGBT+ people. We see how many kids kill themselves over teasing and bullying for who they are every year. An open and private environment for communication could save a kids life. This policy not only prevents a kid stuggling with sexuality from finding a safe adult to confide in or find someone to relate to, like maybe another openly gay coach, but also risks outting themselves to parents that may or may not accept them, making their home life hostile or even kicking the kid out of the home.
In none of these situations am I saying a parent/guardian/police/whathaveyou shouldn't be involved. But in all these situations - what if a coach was the only trusted adult they had and you took that away? Or what if the kid does come forward with a situation similar and you put a coach between a rock and a hard place because of the policy. This policy does the opposite of creating a safe, open environment. And it isn't going to stop pedophiles. They're are going to find a way to groom kids outside of social media/text messaging if the policy prevents that or theyre just going to get sneakier about it.
You might save one kid from getting abused by a coach but you're cutting a lot of kids off from seeking help with very real, very scary, and, unfortunately, very common problems with the way the policy is now. I am not ok with this.
