Can Learning Skills Too Fast Put You At Risk For Mental Blocks?

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

^^^Yep! Not caring is the best thing.

Yes, I know you can't stand to see your kid sitting out watching practice or nuggeting in a routine when you know she can do it. I know you hate seeing your kid in tears after privates or seeing someone else get put in as last pass because she suddenly can't throw tumbling. It hurts.

But no kid has ever become unblocked by a parent:

*Telling them to "just throw it!"
*Scheduling tons of extra privates that they really didn't ask for.
*Threatening to pull them because "I'm not paying for you to nugget."
*Telling them they are going to lose their spot (trust me, they know!)
*Constantly asking "Did you throw it?"

That's the quickest way to make your kid quit.

Sidenote: This also goes for COACHES. The constant threatening to replace kids who are already struggling is NEVER going to motivate kids. If anything, they're just going to quit. I will readily admit to being harsher in my first few years coaching but when we know better, we do better.

 

[Aunie]

She went to open gym tonight but was in tears in the car on the way home because the only place she can bring herself to do a handspring is on one of the crash mats, but yet a couple of weeks ago, she was doing them on the tumble track as well just fine. Not sure why she has a sudden fear of the tramp or tumble track. She says that she gets upset because several of the younger girls keep asking her why she won't just do it on the floor. They have all seen her tumble in the past so they are confused as to why she won't just do it. These are 7-8 year olds who have not got a clue what a mental block is so they just don't get it. I hate seeing a 10 year old kid in tears over something that was originally supposed to be purely for fun and confidence. At what point should a parent decide that all of the stress and upset is just not healthy and it is better for her self esteem to walk away from the sport? I don't want her to give up too easily, but at the same time, at 10 years old she should be having fun and when you struggle, it really takes the fun out of it.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

She went to open gym tonight but was in tears in the car on the way home because the only place she can bring herself to do a handspring is on one of the crash mats, but yet a couple of weeks ago, she was doing them on the tumble track as well just fine. Not sure why she has a sudden fear of the tramp or tumble track. She says that she gets upset because several of the younger girls keep asking her why she won't just do it on the floor. They have all seen her tumble in the past so they are confused as to why she won't just do it. These are 7-8 year olds who have not got a clue what a mental block is so they just don't get it. I hate seeing a 10 year old kid in tears over something that was originally supposed to be purely for fun and confidence. At what point should a parent decide that all of the stress and upset is just not healthy and it is better for her self esteem to walk away from the sport? I don't want her to give up too easily, but at the same time, at 10 years old she should be having fun and when you struggle, it really takes the fun out of it.

This is hard.

My only advice (and it does not work for everyone) is to play it by ear and listen. When kids are ready to be done entirely, they will let you know.

There's obviously a line for everyone. Everyone has their "I'm done with this" point as a family. Only you two know where that line is. For some, it's that the mental block has gone on for too long (ex: an entire season and a half in which Suzie sat out.) For others, it's the stress level of privates (ex: crying after every private or practice for 6 months.)

However, I'd caution anyone from just saying "That's it. We're done." just because their child is upset for a day or a week. Sometimes, a moment of being sad causes them to make a rash decision about cheer and just quit.

The key is not to be pushy. Ex: There are some moms who for EVERY private of a mental block will say "Maybe you should quit." or "Maybe we need to take a break." You don't want to make them feel like they NEED to quit to make you happy.

However, I find that "done with cheer" means different things for some kids. Some take a season off, focus on tumbling, school cheer, other sports, etc. and come back the next season doing fine. Others are done permanently and never go back. It depends on the kid.

Sometimes, it's not that they want to quit, they just need a change in the schedule (ex: fewer or NO privates, focusing on another activity, etc.)

I dont know the answer for you guys, but good luck with whatever ends up happening.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

I also think this thread needs @12stepCheermom because I think she has gone through a block before with her daughter?

 

[Aunie]

I don't want to make any rash decisions because quite honestly, before the block, she was the happiest kid in the world thanks to her new cheer passion. She would have slept at the gym if you let her. I had never seen her enjoy something so much and her confidence was at an all time high. But the stress of the blocking is taking its toll on her. I can see it in her face. But I would hate for her to quit, only to ask herself later on....what if I had just stuck with it a little longer....

 

[12stepCheermom]

I also think this thread needs @12stepCheermom because I think she has gone through a block before with her daughter?

Yup. I'll try to put my best advice in brief terms.

Drop and run. If you can't be anything other than supportive and positive leave so you won't have anything to obsess over. It's not natural for bodies to flip and spin. Brains (especially as they are hit by waves of pubescent hormones and growing physical awareness) will start to recognize the random insanity of deciding to flip and spin yourself backwards. Some kids get past it. Some kids don't. It doesn't make them a bad kid. Injuries can happen and sometimes a block comes because you saw someone else get injured (see that whole brain awareness thing above).

Guaranteed, nothing you can say to your child they haven't already said to themselves probably with a lot worse language. They know they're "letting you down" don't remind them. Put them in the drivers seat and let them make the call. Saying "maybe you should quit" only reinforces "you can't do this, you're no good and it's better for everyone if you leave."

There is nothing positive or supportive about saying that to your child. Ever.

Mine blocked and got past it. Then she missed that same skill one time (after throwing it probably 60 times successfully) she literally never threw that two to full again. That block never went away as a matter of fact the anxiety and stress over tumbling grew to unmanageable levels (physically breaking out in rashes due to stress) and that was with me and her amazingly positive and supportive coaches being nothing but encouraging. But sometimes kids (especially perfectionists who don't want to disappoint anyone) are their own worst enemies.

Ex-cp is an ex-Cp because that tumbling block turned into the Great Wall of china for her. She loved her gym, her coaches, her friends and teammates and she loves to stunt. But tumbling is why she's an ex-Cp now. I still think my early SM days in her formative years played a part in that, but even in the last few when I was the anti-SM sometimes it just is what it is.

Probably not the answer you wanted to hear but not every kid gets past it. And you know what, that's okay. I learned a long time ago I'd rather have my kid happy than breaking out in rashes and hating herself for not throwing a skill. And I never want to spend another summer like the one we're coming out of when all of that stress destroyed her in nearly every aspect of her life...and we're still trying to put her back together. It was scary and still can be. I don't think I'll ever feel
Comfortable that all of "that" is actually over.

Truthfully, she's kind of adrift right now without the sport/support she's had for 9 years (especially since she's still around it because cp17 is still cheering). She misses it. A lot. But the tumbling stress is something that she can't get past and I'm not going to force her, and neither should you. She said if she could find a 5.0 team she'd never leave, but they don't exist and she doesn't want to be a tumble nugget and let her team down because she literally (mentally) can't throw standing tumbling at that level anymore. So she chose to leave. My job as a mom now is to help her find her way.

However, pretty sure I suck at that, but this summer has only reinforced my opinion that I don't have any business parenting anyone so you might also take everything I say with a grain of salt. I am not now, nor will ever be, mother of the year. When it comes to ex-CP I'm pretty sure I've never gotten anything right. :(



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[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

^^^Hey, you did something right. You totally could have continued to be "that mom" and forced her to keep trying ehen she wanted to be done. Some moms do that.


You did the right thing by listening to her.

 

[123jump4!]

I would have her do a couple of privates and ask the coach to work on punch fronts if that's what she wants to do. I mean you are paying so you should be able to request, right? She'll hopefully have fun and gain confidence from doing something different.

Hope she doesn't end up quitting, she seems so talented! Darn block go away!!!

 

[Official OWECheer]

Yup. I'll try to put my best advice in brief terms.

Drop and run. If you can't be anything other than supportive and positive leave so you won't have anything to obsess over. It's not natural for bodies to flip and spin. Brains (especially as they are hit by waves of pubescent hormones and growing physical awareness) will start to recognize the random insanity of deciding to flip and spin yourself backwards. Some kids get past it. Some kids don't. It doesn't make them a bad kid. Injuries can happen and sometimes a block comes because you saw someone else get injured (see that whole brain awareness thing above).

Guaranteed, nothing you can say to your child they haven't already said to themselves probably with a lot worse language. They know they're "letting you down" don't remind them. Put them in the drivers seat and let them make the call. Saying "maybe you should quit" only reinforces "you can't do this, you're no good and it's better for everyone if you leave."

There is nothing positive or supportive about saying that to your child. Ever.

Mine blocked and got past it. Then she missed that same skill one time (after throwing it probably 60 times successfully) she literally never threw that two to full again. That block never went away as a matter of fact the anxiety and stress over tumbling grew to unmanageable levels (physically breaking out in rashes due to stress) and that was with me and her amazingly positive and supportive coaches being nothing but encouraging. But sometimes kids (especially perfectionists who don't want to disappoint anyone) are their own worst enemies.

Ex-cp is an ex-Cp because that tumbling block turned into the Great Wall of china for her. She loved her gym, her coaches, her friends and teammates and she loves to stunt. But tumbling is why she's an ex-Cp now. I still think my early SM days in her formative years played a part in that, but even in the last few when I was the anti-SM sometimes it just is what it is.

Probably not the answer you wanted to hear but not every kid gets past it. And you know what, that's okay. I learned a long time ago I'd rather have my kid happy than breaking out in rashes and hating herself for not throwing a skill. And I never want to spend another summer like the one we're coming out of when all of that stress destroyed her in nearly every aspect of her life...and we're still trying to put her back together. It was scary and still can be. I don't think I'll ever feel
Comfortable that all of "that" is actually over.

Truthfully, she's kind of adrift right now without the sport/support she's had for 9 years (especially since she's still around it because cp17 is still cheering). She misses it. A lot. But the tumbling stress is something that she can't get past and I'm not going to force her, and neither should you. She said if she could find a 5.0 team she'd never leave, but they don't exist and she doesn't want to be a tumble nugget and let her team down because she literally (mentally) can't throw standing tumbling at that level anymore. So she chose to leave. My job as a mom now is to help her find her way.

However, pretty sure I suck at that, but this summer has only reinforced my opinion that I don't have any business parenting anyone so you might also take everything I say with a grain of salt. I am not now, nor will ever be, mother of the year. When it comes to ex-CP I'm pretty sure I've never gotten anything right. :(



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Giving you an e-hug right now. :)

 

[Aunie]

I would have her do a couple of privates and ask the coach to work on punch fronts if that's what she wants to do. I mean you are paying so you should be able to request, right? She'll hopefully have fun and gain confidence from doing something different.

Hope she doesn't end up quitting, she seems so talented! Darn block go away!!!

Problem is that the money tree for privates has run out for awhile at least. We have spent so much money on privates just trying to get rid of the block. We actually did have some short lived success after a great lesson with the mom of her teammate who just happens to own a gymnastics gym (and coaches gymnastics) back in late October. She started tumbling again....was doing her standing BHS, WO BHS, and RO BHS again for about a week, and then the night before Halloween, she was tumbling at home and fell again in her RO BHS...and we were back at square one the next day
She puts a lot of pressure on herself, and I think the comp coming up this weekend is stressing her out. I am really looking forward to Xmas break. No tumbling, no gym, no school, and not another comp until Feb. Hoping this will give her brain some time to calm down and relax.

 

[BuegeSmalls]

Problem is that the money tree for privates has run out for awhile at least. We have spent so much money on privates just trying to get rid of the block. We actually did have some short lived success after a great lesson with the mom of her teammate who just happens to own a gymnastics gym (and coaches gymnastics) back in late October. She started tumbling again....was doing her standing BHS, WO BHS, and RO BHS again for about a week, and then the night before Halloween, she was tumbling at home and fell again in her RO BHS...and we were back at square one the next day
She puts a lot of pressure on herself, and I think the comp coming up this weekend is stressing her out. I am really looking forward to Xmas break. No tumbling, no gym, no school, and not another comp until Feb. Hoping this will give her brain some time to calm down and relax.

Seems like all of her tumbling falls have taken place at home. Maybe you should avoid letting her tumble there.

I mean, she could just as easily fall out of a skill at the gym but still.

I feel you with the mental block, been there, done that...for a longggg time. It sucked. Good luck to your CP!


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[Aunie]

Seems like all of her tumbling falls have taken place at home. Maybe you should avoid letting her tumble there.

I mean, she could just as easily fall out of a skill at the gym but still.

I feel you with the mental block, been there, done that...for a longggg time. It sucked. Good luck to your CP!


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The first fall was actually at one of those trampoline park places, but, yes it was away from the gym. And I agree that she should not tumble at home.....unfortunately, the last time she fell, I had no idea that she was in the basement tumbling. She has mats down there and went down without me knowing

 

[BuegeSmalls]

The first fall was actually at one of those trampoline park places, but, yes it was away from the gym. And I agree that she should not tumble at home.....unfortunately, the last time she fell, I had no idea that she was in the basement tumbling. She has mats down there and went down without me knowing

Hide the mats! Lol just kidding


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[Aunie]

So a question for the coaches.....as a coach, what would you think about the idea of putting her in a front tumbling level 2 pass during running tumbling until her block passes? She has a wonderful front handspring, which I am pretty sure is a level 2 skill. Would a running front walkover front handspring combo qualify as level 2? Her coach is a real sweetheart and very approachable....and I am sure it would make my daughter feel like she is contributing to the team on the tumbling front. At this time, there is no front handspring in her team's routine.

 

[dawgshow]

Don't approach the coach.


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