All-Star Parent Expectations Clause?

[Corsicab]

Someone send Num1Stunta the NACP rules.

Can someone send them to me too?

 

[12stepCheermom]

Every time I open one of these threads I feel like I should apologize for being a parent. It seems the world of cheer would be far more impressed with me if I abided by the " please drop your child off at the door and leave, not to return until practice is over" clause because by definition of the fact I gave birth to them I must be a minion of the devil. Yikes.

The only suggestion I have to impart so that any parent doesn't get the same impression I always do is to phrase your expectations positively, rather than negatively. It's the same thing we tell classroom teachers to do with their class rules.

Instead of, "do not speak negatively about other cheerleaders." it becomes, "speak positively of all athletes at all times."

Rather than, "do not approach the coaches during practice." it becomes, "we welcome the opportunity to hear your comments and/or concers, after practice, between the hours of..., via email etc etc -whatever the method may be"

Rather than, "do not skip practice unless it's for x,y and z." it becomes, "athletes are excused from practice only in the case of a death in the family, graded school activity etc."

It may not seem like much, but if it makes me feel less like I'm being yelled at for things I haven't done (or that someone is just assuming I will do) right from the get go, I might be less distressed over the monetary and time investment I'm about to commit to,

Just a thought.

 

[xtremeteal4life]

Every time I open one of these threads I feel like I should apologize for being a parent. It seems the world of cheer would be far more impressed with me if I abided by the " please drop your child off at the door and leave, not to return until practice is over" clause because by definition of the fact I gave birth to them I must be a minion of the devil. Yikes.

The only suggestion I have to impart so that any parent doesn't get the same impression I always do is to phrase your expectations positively, rather than negatively. It's the same thing we tell classroom teachers to do with their class rules.

Instead of, "do not speak negatively about other cheerleaders." it becomes, "speak positively of all athletes at all times."

Rather than, "do not approach the coaches during practice." it becomes, "we welcome the opportunity to hear your comments and/or concers, after practice, between the hours of..., via email etc etc -whatever the method may be"

Rather than, "do not skip practice unless it's for x,y and z." it becomes, "athletes are excused from practice only in the case of a death in the family, graded school activity etc."

It may not seem like much, but if it makes me feel less like I'm being yelled at for things I haven't done (or that someone is just assuming I will do) right from the get go, I might be less distressed over the monetary and time investment I'm about to commit to,

Just a thought.

This would be great if there weren't stupid people in this world; unfortunately not everyone understands the polite way of phrasing things.

 

[notyourcheermom]

Then there are the people that I promise have never even read the contract, let alone all the rules. They positively said 20 rules or so in the polite, positive reinforcement way and then put 3 rules separately and in different part of packet in the This is it, we mean it, don't do it way. Summary: Coaches coach at comps, leave them alone. Yell at someone else's child, you're leaving. Threaten with we'll go somewhere else, or my CP had better be in this spot or on this team, go ahead and get your stuff and get on out the door. We'll see. Some people just don't think the rules apply to them no matter how you phrase it.

 

[CheerBank]

Then there are the people that I promise have never even read the contract, let alone all the rules. They positively said 20 rules or so in the polite, positive reinforcement way and then put 3 rules separately and in different part of packet in the This is it, we mean it, don't do it way. Summary: Coaches coach at comps, leave them alone. Yell at someone else's child, you're leaving. Threaten with we'll go somewhere else, or my CP had better be in this spot or on this team, go ahead and get your stuff and get on out the door. We'll see. Some people just don't think the rules apply to them no matter how you phrase it.

That's just it - some parents do think they are above or excluded from the rules even if they have them tattooed on their arms. My feeling with coaches and rules of cheer gyms and life in general is say what you mean but mean what you say. End of story.

 

[cupieqt]

I go over the rules and standards with our parents at our parent meeting. I tell them that since this is a select sport (you get to choose where you train) we will strive to deliver high quality customer service. In turn, they need to think of it like joining a country club. We have rules for our members so that everyone can enjoy the benefits and privileges that come with being a part of our club.

 

[SarahS]

I'm all for rules and consequences, but just really think through every possibility before making parents sign them. If one of the consequences is getting kicked off of the team for doing a particular action, make sure that you're willing to follow through with everyone who does that particular action (what if half your team does it, all at once, before a competition? Would you follow through?) Also, make sure you're specific in everything.

Our parent clause last year included a bullying policy that was very strict - two instances of bullying (or one that included a physical altercation) and you're kicked off. I fought AGAINST including this policy, though, because the definition of bullying was so broad as to include eye rolling and not including everyone on the team in outside plans. I was the only coach in the program who coached teenaged girls - I only foresaw disaster with this policy. And I was right. So many times I had to listen to kids and their parents say "she rolled her eyes at me! That's bullying!" or "my daughter is being bullied! That girl smiles at everyone else but my daughter!" and they would expect me to kick the kid off the team if it was the second time it happened. Don't get me wrong, I'm all against bullying and I would never tolerate it, but the people who wrote the policy didn't think about actual consequences to the policy with respect to actual teenage girls.

 

[12stepCheermom]

I'm all for rules and consequences, but just really think through every possibility before making parents sign them. If one of the consequences is getting kicked off of the team for doing a particular action, make sure that you're willing to follow through with everyone who does that particular action (what if half your team does it, all at once, before a competition? Would you follow through?) Also, make sure you're specific in everything.

Our parent clause last year included a bullying policy that was very strict - two instances of bullying (or one that included a physical altercation) and you're kicked off. I fought AGAINST including this policy, though, because the definition of bullying was so broad as to include eye rolling and not including everyone on the team in outside plans. I was the only coach in the program who coached teenaged girls - I only foresaw disaster with this policy. And I was right. So many times I had to listen to kids and their parents say "she rolled her eyes at me! That's bullying!" or "my daughter is being bullied! That girl smiles at everyone else but my daughter!" and they would expect me to kick the kid off the team if it was the second time it happened. Don't get me wrong, I'm all against bullying and I would never tolerate it, but the people who wrote the policy didn't think about actual consequences to the policy with respect to actual teenage girls.

Yet something else I'll probably get creamed for saying.....I'm SO OVER the whole "bullying" thing. It's become such an overblown buzz word that parents attach to any situation to ensure victim status for their child..who 99% of the time is doing the EXACT SAME THING in reverse, yet those behaviors are either "not bullying" and completely rational or they just plain aren't happening. Suzy is a perfect child that everyone hates for some strange reason and while everyone is evil to her, she's never once been anything but sweetness and beauty to every other living creature.

Right.

Are there instances of bullying...heck yes. I think everyone has heard me talk about with with my male cheerleader son. But name calling has happened for hundreds of years, is NOT limited to adolescents (look around your workplace bullies don't go away, they just grow up...physically) and we choose to deal with it by teaching HIM how to handle it effectively because I'm fully well aware that you cannot control anyone but yourself.

I would fight against that clause too. I already fight the battle everyday that grown adults seem to think I'm wonder woman and I have the power to control what comes out of 1100 kids mouths. If coaches are going to be expected to "stop bulliying" I feel for you. It can't be done. It will only stop when the culture of the silent bystanders stands up and makes it "not okay" anymore....and it would be nice if the parents stood up and cracked down on their own kids behavior...but that might require them to believe their child isn't perfect....

...or that they aren't a bully themselves.....I give you the parent section at practices as an example.

#endrant

 

[CheerBank]

The clear definition of actions and consequences needs to be given but I agree that bullying has become an umbrella for a ton of behaviors that vary from normal adolescent girl behaviors to downright inappropriate stuff that should never be tolerated. But if a coach lays down rules whether it be for the athlete or patent, if that rule is broken there needs to be repercussions.
I've also found that the worst offender on the team usually does have the parent who lives in a world where her child is always the victim and never the perpetrator.
The apple typically doesn't fall far from the tree.

 

[omgitssydthekid]

Every time I open one of these threads I feel like I should apologize for being a parent. It seems the world of cheer would be far more impressed with me if I abided by the " please drop your child off at the door and leave, not to return until practice is over" clause because by definition of the fact I gave birth to them I must be a minion of the devil. Yikes.

The only suggestion I have to impart so that any parent doesn't get the same impression I always do is to phrase your expectations positively, rather than negatively. It's the same thing we tell classroom teachers to do with their class rules.

Instead of, "do not speak negatively about other cheerleaders." it becomes, "speak positively of all athletes at all times."

Rather than, "do not approach the coaches during practice." it becomes, "we welcome the opportunity to hear your comments and/or concers, after practice, between the hours of..., via email etc etc -whatever the method may be"

Rather than, "do not skip practice unless it's for x,y and z." it becomes, "athletes are excused from practice only in the case of a death in the family, graded school activity etc."

It may not seem like much, but if it makes me feel less like I'm being yelled at for things I haven't done (or that someone is just assuming I will do) right from the get go, I might be less distressed over the monetary and time investment I'm about to commit to,

Just a thought.

Good old love and logic (:

 

[SharkDad]

Alright, I took everyone's ideas... here's the parent page and the next page with what they can expect from us. Hopefully you all like it:)

Parent Expectations​

1.Parents will refrain from gossiping about other children, coaches, parents, or teams.

2.Parents will communicate with coaches IN PRIVATE, not in front of team members or parents.

3.NEVER post any negative comments about any athlete, team, parent, coach, or another program on any websites, chat rooms, social media, or message boards.

4.NO profanity or abusive language will be tolerated.
5.Parents are expected to support all coaches decisions on skill progression and team position/placement.

6.Do not talk about other athletes with coaches, parents, or other children.

7.Parents are encouraged to share in the joy of another parent, as their child masters a new skill.

8.Do not boast about your child to other parents. EVERY athlete progresses at their own rate, everyone has something to contribute to their team, and we believe in celebrating ALL victories- big or small.

9.Do not use missing practice/competition as a punishment for your child’s behavior. There are others who depend on them to be present.

10. Parents are expected to check their email DAILY, as this is how we will be communicating with you most often.

11.Please schedule vacations and family events around our practices and competitions.

12.Parents are expected to follow all travel plans, as laid out by the organization.

13.Parents are NEVER to enter the practice area or competition warm-up area. Parents are also asked never to distract their child during practices, warm-ups, or competition.

14.Parents are expected to disclose any information with coaches regarding their child’s specific medical, physical, social, or emotional needs, and to keep us advised of any serious family situation, such as an ill parent or a custody issue.

15.Parents are encouraged to contact us with any questions, comments, or concerns. Please do not spread rumors without coming directly to us for confirmation, and please don’t pass along any information to other parents unless we have made it specifically clear that it is okay to do so.

What can you expect from us?​

​

1.You can expect that we will have open lines of communication, and we will handle any issues or concerns expeditiously.

2.We will keep all personal conversations private, and will only share information with other members of the coaching staff, as we see fit.

3.We will respond promptly to all emails, phone calls, and text messages.

4.You can expect that we will treat all athletes and parents equally, especially in enforcing the rules.

5.We will provide your child with a positive and safe learning environment.

6.You can expect all coaches to be experienced at the level that they coach, and to remain current with USASF rules and industry standards.

7.We will follow proper progressions when teaching your child new skills.

8.You can expect us to work with your child’s individual needs, and to be available for “extra help” if it is needed.

9.We will only be competing in divisions that we can be competitive in. We will not take a team to a competition if they are not ready to compete.

10. You can expect us to “do our homework” when it comes to competing. This means we make sure that we know who we’re competing against, and how the scoring system works for every competition. As a result of this, you will know too, because we believe that communication is important. We believe that it is our job to educate parents and team members through reviewing and explaining scoresheets after each competition.

I think this is a great set of guidelines (I hesitate to use the word rules). My only comment was going to be to soften the "Parents will" wording in the first two rules. You use the wording "Parents are encouraged" in other rules and I thin kit would be good to keep that consistent. We are talking about parents and no one want to be talked down too.

12stepCheermom has some great suggestions on how to word things in a more positive way and I am all for that. You know your customers better than us though.

The only other thing I would include would be instructions when they have a concern. On my soccer teams we have a rule "if you have a concern, right it down, wait 24 hours then approach me away from the team, outside of practice, or call me"

Discussions don't always go well when the issue is still attached to emotions.