All-Star Trying Not To Be That Parent

[cheerinatorXdad]

OK, I'm trying not to be THAT parent that complains about everything but my daughters coach isn't making it easy on me.
Last weekend was first comp and our center flyer fell out of her stunt and then fell out of the pyramid causing a PD(pyramid disaster). It looked like she got scared and just fell out, didn't even try to save it. She falls out all the time at practice too.

Now, next practice we suddenly had a new center flyer. I'm thinking all is good because the replacement is a beast! She deserves it.

Now, at tonight's practice, guess who's back at center? Yup, Ms Falls-a-lot. We've learned that the Mom pitched a fit and eventually got her way. Next, my daughter was moved around so now she does not do her best tumbling pass (and yes, she's one of the better tumblers. Not the best, but certainly top 10 on team)

So my fear is our coach has no idea on what she's doing. I'm trying not to be that person and rants about how wrong she is doing her job.
(same stuff happened last year too, same coach, flyer couldn't stay up and she never replaced her)
I'm also not suggesting my daughter be center flyer either. We have others on the team better than her. I'm realistic about that.

I'll take any advice I can get.

 

[12stepCheermom]

Bless. We had the same thing. Ms falls a lot was so-so at practice, quit three different times according to the kids, fell in EVERY competition, including twice at Cheersport. Her deductions alone were the numerical difference between a Cheersport jacket and dead last (where we finished). She falls again on Saturday at the beach (second to last comp) and they finally lose it and tel her she's out for Sunday....she quits on the spot. Gets in the car and leaves. We sub a flyer in, she hits and we have the best performance of the season. To to all levels next and win! Her departure was the difference between a team that knew they'd lose and one that had the confidence to win. It wasn't just falling, her entire attitude an quit-not quit-quit-not quit was a cancer to the team. Should've pulled her a lot sooner. Best of luck, trust me when I say I KNOW your frustration.

 

[crazycheermom]

Sometimes you have to remember the old saying about the squeaky wheel. I think sometimes coaches may displace a girl with "normal" parents who coach knows won't throw a fit to accommodate the squeaky wheel in an effort to keep the peace. And although not always fair, I can certainly see it from that point of view.

 

[BowsnBling]

Have you asked the coach or expressed concern in the situation directly to her? If so , what is her reasoning?

 

[mommadonna]

Nobody wants to be "that" parent. As parents, we are expected to be supportive and trust the coaches to do the right thing. It's just that sometimes, unfortunately, those who don't trust the coaches and who don't have the best interests of the team at heart are the ones that end up getting their way. I always said, "You teach others how to treat you." I guess the risk here is that if the coaches continue to succumb to this type of madness, there will be no end to the power of "Suzie's Mom". She will learn that "pitching a hissy fit" will work, and then as soon as something doesn't go her way, here it comes. If I were a coach, I think I'd have to nip that in the bud. But then again, I'm not a coach, so... Good luck!

 

[CheerBank]

I'm so sorry for your frustration at this situation. I don't want to speak for everyone, but many of us have been there and it's a sucky place to be. It always makes me wonder why it is that the parent that throws the biggest hissy fit gets the desired results for their cp while the rest of us sit back, try to keep our mouths shut and let the coaches coach, and then see our kids taken out of stunts or tumbling passes when they were not the problem to begin with. I'd guess that's the sign of a coach not very confident in their decisions.

Last season my cp was moved from the front row to the middle back during the dance because bases were moved around during the pyramid and the coach was trying to make transitions easier. It wasn't even the coach who suggested the change - it was another cheerleader who was a "friend" of the coach who saw it as her opportunity to get into the front. If I say cp was devastated that would not convey the depth of despair she felt as she truly loves the dance and feels it is her shining moment in the routine (and I can honestly say she is a fierce dancer). That was the one time I ever approached a coach and spoke with her about switching cp back to her original spot. But I didn't yell or throw a fit, I just let her know - very quietly - how significant the change she had made impacted my child, that even given the new transitions there was no reason to have moved her spot as she got there just as easily as she had before and if there was any way she could change her back to please do so. And she was changed back the next practice, but only after the coach realized that the other girl really should not be in the front of the dance.

If you're planning on approaching the coach and asking why your cp's tumbling pass was changed, give yourself the 24 hour rule before you say anything at all. This will give you the time to get your emotions in check and approach the situation rationally. I would not address anything about the flyer falling or the other replacement flyer being better unless your cp is one of her bases, and even if she is I would still tread carefully in that department.

Someone once told me once you have to qualify your words or your actions with "I'm usually not THAT parent, but..." you in fact ARE that parent.
Good luck!

 

[TheVipersMom]

Hey I thought that girls mom goes to my daughters gym, funny it most be the moms twin sister . :0

 

[Mom2Cheergirls]

Personally I would leave tumbling pass alone, especially if the real issue is Miss Falls A-lot and you know Mommy Hissy got the spot. You will have no ground if you complain about Miss Falls-A-lot being put back because mom wanted it and then bring up your CP. Your CP may not be doing her best tumbling pass because maybe she and another CP pass together and always stay in sync, not enough details for me to know.. but there are so many reasons why the tumbling pass could switch and it could be precisely because she is a strong tumbler. Maybe she is always consistent and they need that then so many reasons.... so personally would focus on the other issue and perhaps ask if there is a plan if this continues versus why (because really you know mommy complained so if coach gives you some other answer then it won't matter because you know mommy complained, but if you ask if there is a plan if it continues you may get more information - just a thought.

 

[BowsnBling]

Hey I thought that girls mom goes to my daughters gym, funny it most be the moms twin sister . :0

I read this and thought it was your gym too! lol

 

[cupieqt]

Um. Wait. The coach put the kid back in her spot bc she threw a hissy fit? What?

The coach should be doing what's best for the team, not appeasing moms. No way this can't be real life. Coach needs to grow a spine and mom needs to step off.
Aye yi yi.

 

[kickdblcj]

I would express your concerns to the gym owner and then to the coach. Just make sure you dont do it an way that may be taken offensive.

 

[12stepCheermom]

Um. Wait. The coach put the kid back in her spot bc she threw a hissy fit? What?

The coach should be doing what's best for the team, not appeasing moms. No way this can't be real life. Coach needs to grow a spine and mom needs to step off.
Aye yi yi.

THIS.

 

[cheermeup]

BTDT, don't have any tshirts, or jackets, because we never won that season.

I agree that a talk is in order and I agree with what cheer bank is saying.

Don't preface with I'm not one of those parents who.... That will set them on the defensive immediately. I wouldn't talk about the child per se, I would talk about the plan of the team going forward. Maybe bringing up the switch working that practice. I know as a parent I would be mad if the coach were discussing my child's mistakes with another parent.

 

[SheCheers]

Hmmm...Maybe the parents of the kid who was the replacement and then taken right back out could say something. I'm not sure I would feel comfy and cozy saying anything ever to the coaches about how they're coaching if it didn't directly involve my child. That being said, I bring up the flyer that hits, because I was in a similar situation when cp was younger on a lower level team. cp was being used as the "motivational" she'll-take-your-spot-if-you-don't-get-it-together kid and it was screwing with her head. so I said something.

If this is a trend at your gym and they cater to susie's mom before thinking of the teams as a whole, I'd be on the lookout for a different place for next season.

 

[12stepCheermom]

If this is a trend at your gym and they cater to susie's mom before thinking of the teams as a whole, I'd be on the lookout for a different place for next season.

Sage words of advice, right here.