Voiceover Help

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Jan 2, 2011
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I coach a level 4.2 team and and was thinking of a VoiceOver and needed some help or advice. It goes like this
Royal fury rules this ground
All you others should back down
You can give us our crown now
so tell my haters come bow down....what do y'all think. Any changes r anything? Someone told me it was kinda akward
 
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