OT Bullying Problem Got Worse..

[littlebear]

I posted a thing here during the school year about a girl that bullied me, and I need more advice. My parents were able to switch me schools so I'm not going to the school I was going to anymore, I'm going to another one in my county, but the girl that bullied me is also going there now too. She is posting bad things about me on Twitter and talking crap about me to people from my old school and also saying that my time at my new school is going to be worse. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm trapped and nothing is going to get better. I don't want the same thing to happen to me at my new school like it did at my old one. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[CoachTamara]

I posted a thing here during the school year about a girl that bullied me, and I need more advice. My parents were able to switch me schools so I'm not going to the school I was going to anymore, I'm going to another one in my county, but the girl that bullied me is also going there now too. She is posting bad things about me on Twitter and talking crap about me to people from my old school and also saying that my time at my new school is going to be worse. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm trapped and nothing is going to get better. I don't want the same thing to happen to me at my new school like it did at my old one. I don't know what to do anymore.

Can you talk to the school administration? Maybe a counselor? If I remember, your other school didn't do much, but I think it's very weird that you got away from her and she has followed you to another school and is doing the same thing. Not ok, and a huge red flag to the school. Take screen shots of what she is saying, and whatever you do-do NOT respond! That is what she wants-a reaction. Don't bother giving it to her.

 

[littlebear]

Can you talk to the school administration? Maybe a counselor? If I remember, your other school didn't do much, but I think it's very weird that you got away from her and she has followed you to another school and is doing the same thing. Not ok, and a huge red flag to the school. Take screen shots of what she is saying, and whatever you do-do NOT respond! That is what she wants-a reaction. Don't bother giving it to her.

I think it's very weird that we're going to the same school again too, she's already telling people that I'M stalking her, but we have proof from the school board where I submitted my request to switch schools before she had ever even posted on twitter her mom was going to switch her. We've talked to the staff from my new school and given them a heads up, but I'm not sure what's going to happen anymore.

 

[Cheer_Explosion_Coach]

You have to know yourself and not fall into believing the things she's posting. Responding trying to defend yourself never helps. Sounds like she's troubled. Fighting with her won't make her see your side. I'd say you have to protect yourself by taking screenshots or saving anything she says publicly. And to be quite honest, normally bullies are taking out on others what pain they are feeling. If you can try to see that when she goes to sleep at night or when she's in alone, she's probably crying to herself. It might help you feel her pain and not feel the pain she's trying to bring to you. It'll get better. Unfortunately it'll prob get worse first. Stay strong my friend. You'll be stronger once you've make it through this.

 

[cachoi]

littlebear PLEASE talk to the administration. I was bullied in school as well and back then, there wasn't as much awareness as there is today. I moved to a different state and got to escape it but since she's switched to the same school, it's clearly not easy to ignore. I agree with printing out what she's been saying so she can't deny it. Today, schools have rules against cyberbullying even if it does occur outside of school and in some cases can get students suspended. Also, don't respond with harsh words because that's what she wants you to do so she can claim that you are the bully. It also wouldn't hurt to reach out to your friends and ask them to lend you some support. If you have any friends in common maybe they can talk to her in a reasonable manner and ask her to lay off. But going to the counselor or assistant principle is definitely the most effective solution. Please stay strong! I know how much it can damage you emotionally and mentally.

 

[cheysmomager]

Sweetheart, I am soooo sorry this happened to you!!!

My daughter was bullied by her all star cheer coach. She has finally gotten emotionally strong enough to do something about it.

Last Thursday she uploaded her story on a YouTube channel she made. Why don't you watch it, she leaves a contact email if you want to contact her.

The link is:

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!!

 

[Just-a-Mom]

First off, what she's doing is against the law - if your state doesn't have anti-bullying legislation, then they have harassment and stalking laws this falls under. Screen shot all of it, and you and your parents take it to the magistrate/police. Second of all, email cheysmomager's daughter. I remember your post from before but do not remember if you guys have talked to her parents. What do they say? (probably nothing useful - bullies learn from home, but at least then you can tell the police you have tried everything.)

 

[CheerBank]

Sweetheart, I am soooo sorry this happened to you!!!

My daughter was bullied by her all star cheer coach. She has finally gotten emotionally strong enough to do something about it.

Last Thursday she uploaded her story on a YouTube channel she made. Why don't you watch it, she leaves a contact email if you want to contact her.

The link is:

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!!

I think it's phenomenal that your daughter came forward to tell her story. I hope that it's helped free her from her pain and fully allows her to heal and move on. She's a brave young woman and I wish her best of luck in the future. It's sounds like she is on a great new path.

That being said, I'm just afraid that we use the term "bully" way too often in society today. Given the account your daughter shared, was her coach 100% wrong? Absolutely on so many counts. Did he handle her asthma and subsequent leaving as a mature adult and as someone who has influence over many children who look up to him? Again, from your daughter's account, not at all. But to say that she was bullied by her all-star coach just nudged me the wrong way. Did he set an example for bad behavior with the Facebook posts? Without a doubt. But was this bullying? Unless I missed something, after her leaving the gym and posts by former teammates it does not sound like it continued. They were posts based on anger and egged on by an immature a-hole of a coach, but name calling and questioning why someone left after a specific incident is while unacceptable, is not bullying.

Again, I am not taking anything away from your daughter or you by any means. I just see "bullying" being applied to such a wide range of situations nowadays that I worry it will lose its true meaning and become a catch-all phrase for all unacceptable behaviors.

ETA: I think your daughter's video also gives very important insight into exercise induced asthma and how important it is for coaches to follow a doctors orders.

 

[cheysmomager]

That being said, I'm just afraid that we use the term "bully" way too often in society today. Given the account your daughter shared, was her coach 100% wrong? Absolutely on so many counts. Did he handle her asthma and subsequent leaving as a mature adult and as someone who has influence over many children who look up to him? Again, from your daughter's account, not at all. But to say that she was bullied by her all-star coach just nudged me the wrong way. Did he set an example for bad behavior with the Facebook posts? Without a doubt. But was this bullying? Unless I missed something, after her leaving the gym and posts by former teammates it does not sound like it continued. They were posts based on anger and egged on by an immature a-hole of a coach, but name calling and questioning why someone left after a specific incident is while unacceptable, is not bullying.

Again, I am not taking anything away from your daughter or you by any means. I just see "bullying" being applied to such a wide range of situations nowadays that I worry it will lose its true meaning and become a catch-all phrase for all unacceptable behaviors.

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[cheysmomager]

A Bully: a blustering browbeating person; espcially: one habitually cruel to others who are weaker​

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To Bully: to treat abusively: to affect by means of force or coercion​

(Ref Marriam-Webster iPhone app)​

That being said, nobody is saying what happened to her was as bad as what happened to you. I am fairly sure you took some serious abuse.

Yes, there is more that she didn't tell.

• Being screamed at in front of the entire gym for being a 'drama queen'...this had been happening off and on for a couple of months
• Gathering all teams together (after finding out she wasn't coming) to tell each and every child there she was a qutter and a wimp. Mind you, he did this while doing an over-reacted demonstration of her. I actually have the audio tape of this. Neither myself or Chey have listened to to.
• In that same gathering, he suggested to all the kids to "bash her on facebook" (that's on the audio also)
• During that gathering, he tried to call us (in front of everyone). Since we had our phones off, he actually borrowed a cell from a kid sitting close to him stating "maybe they will answer if they don't know who it is"

When a parent posted in her status that she was not happy with what her daughter had to witness he had the following things to say on facebook:

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Saying a kid is being "wimpy"and a "quitter" is not out of line when that is the case. This is exactly the problem today...a kid who should of just been told to suck it up and stop being selfish is being pampered and allowed to screw over everyone else.​

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An athlete quit the team and screwed all the other kids for an exhagerated reason...the inappropriateness of that is pertinent to every member of the gym. It was addressed to everyone because it effected everyone and all were witness to it. There is a good lesson to be learned about not quitting on your team

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I would hardly say that's questioning her reasons. Never once does he tell anyone that he had recieved a letter from her doctor. This was a 31 year old man doing this to a 14 year old asthmatic. I fairly sure that if you heard the audio, you might be a little more understanding.​

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I am sorry if the doesn't fall under your definition of bullying. This has been extremely difficult for her to get over. She lost many teammates that she was very close with. but it's been a hard thing for her to get through and now she just wants to reach out to others. ALL victims of bullys (wether sever like Amanda Todd and you or not quit as bad like hers) need to support each other. That's all she's trying to do.​

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Now, I am going to try to take down my post (if I can). I surly didn't want you offended by it. I thought ya'll could talk.​

 

[CheerBank]

cheysmomager I think there's a big difference between being a crappy immature coach and being a bully. Now it sounds like his behaviors in encouraging the other gym members to post unkind things on your daughter's Facebook page was encouraging bullying by her peers, but I cannot label him a bully for calling your child a drama queen or a quitter. Again I'm in no way trying to minimize or dismiss your daughters unfortunate experience with this coach but I just would not say that the coach bullied her.

 

[cheysmomager]

You are certainly entitled to your opinion.

Again, I wish you the best!

 

[GreatWhite92]

You are certainly entitled to your opinion.

Again, I wish you the best!

Been through something kinda like this and completely agree that the coach was bullying her. Do I think bullying is overused? Yes. But maybe that's because the term bully is actually pretty broad. I think sometimes kids need to learn that a snide comment from a classmate is not a good reason to claim bully but something like this definitely is. I was bullied by teammates in highschool and some of you might say I just needed to suck it up and I did most the time but what happened and the things said were very real to me so in my definition it was bullying.

 

[cheysmomager]

I was bullied and made fun of in elementary school. Sadly that's one of the few things I remember from those years. Carrying those hurtful memories, plus being married to an abusive drunk, is why my daughter was never allowed to call anyone stupid, say shut up, or duh. Many people thought that was the silliest rule. But I didn't care.

When we went to that gym, we had heard the rumors that circulated. I made CP think about wether she could handle it or not for almost 6 months. I really didn't see very much inappropriate yelling most of the time. Now I have heard he has used the B word at some girls and even called an overweight girl a whale once. I didn't want to mention those things because I didn't actually witness it myself.

After we left I went to USASF. It was then that I started hearing more and more stories. I know USASF has received many complaints on him. I really don't want to say he is a 'bully coach'.....he's firm, but good. I have also heard he is bi-polar, once again I don't know for sure.

Many well know people in the industry have heard the audio and were horrified.

There is a big differance between what he says and what your own peers will say. Young kids are very hateful when they want to be. I can only imagine what was said to you, and I still believe that you got it far worse.

My CP ran into one of the girls that was in her stunt group on Tues and she wouldn't even acknowledge her!! My CP had to go outside so she could cry. This was the first time in 5 or 6 months. Seeing her just brought it all back.

I really hope you find your way to get through this. I know I'm and old woman and we all say this "you will be stronger because of it one day".....but we really do know what we are talking about!!

 

[gimmeoneminute]

Can I be 18+ here and say that 1. he shouldn't even be priviledged to have the title "coach" and 2. he isn't a bully, he is definately an a#$ h*#%!!!