All-Star Bullying

[XTREMElyfierce]

How about bullying behind pm's? say a thread doesn't go your way or you just put the little popcorn man on the thread because you know its going to cause drama- and the creator of the thread pm's you and starts going crazy because you down voted their thread, or you posted one comment in their thread that you got a ton of shimmies on, but it doesn't quite agree with their opinion? Where does the bullying stop there? Some people say what they want behind closed doors, but when confronted about it deny it.

i would say maybe you should look into the definition of bullying and see if the person is using uncalled for names and see if they are actually going "crazy" not sure what your definition of crazy or uncalled for names is... mine would be somewhere along the lines of "you're stupid, (derogatory names), or don't *bleep bleep* this or that... etc" it all depends on your definition of BULLYING.

 

[cheercurl]

??? Peer pressure is not at all defined by the manner in which you approach someone. Peer pressure can as easily be positive as negative. If everyone in your peer group behaves a certain way, most people tend to try to 'fit in'.

That desire to be part of a pack starts in grade school and continues through your life - all the way to participation in the Board of Directors in a corporation and membership in the Bridge Club at the retirement home.

You can't experience peer pressure from bullies unless you are a bully yourself. Otherwise they aren't your peers.

Peer pressure most certainly can be a positive thing. When a child in my class is acting out of control, I usually just stop everything and not say a word. Almost every time multiple children will tell the misbehaving child to stop. The more out of control the child's behavior is, the more children will chime in. I have seen that happen here on Fierce countless times.

Peer pressure is not necessarily bullying. Debating is not bullying. Not agreeing is not bullying. Throwing a temper tantrum and threatening to the point that a person feels unsafe and has no control of the situation. That is bullying.

 

[King]

Peer pressure most certainly can be a positive thing. When a child in my class is acting out of control, I usually just stop everything and not say a word. Almost every time multiple children will tell the misbehaving child to stop. The more out of control the child's behavior is, the more children will chime in. I have seen that happen here on Fierce countless times.

Peer pressure is not necessarily bullying. Debating is not bullying. Not agreeing is not bullying. Throwing a temper tantrum and threatening to the point that a person feels unsafe and has no control of the situation. That is bullying.

The thing is there are so many outlets nowadays that while someone MIGHT feel pressured as to what they post in one outlet they can always post something else in another. Ones willingness to speak is not cut off with just fierce board. We just happen to have certain rules (written or unwritten) that you follow.

 

[coachbd]

Shifting the discussion slightly... but,

Has anyone seen this documentary?



I haven't yet, but after watching the trailer (and tearing up in it already!) I am really keen to see it. I think it would definitely be a good thing for most people to watch, and even to show your kids if they are old enough to understand. A little education/insight (from someone other than "mom/dad") can sometimes go a long way :)

 

[King]

Shifting the discussion slightly... but,

Has anyone seen this documentary?



I haven't yet, but after watching the trailer (and tearing up in it already!) I am really keen to see it. I think it would definitely be a good thing for most people to watch, and even to show your kids if they are old enough to understand. A little education/insight (from someone other than "mom/dad") can sometimes go a long way :)

It isn't shifting the discussion but bringing us back on track. I hate seeing bullying that is so blatant, but I am still at a loss of what educators can do. If someone can enlighten me of what can actually make a difference let me know.

 

[coachbd]

It isn't shifting the discussion but bringing us back on track. I hate seeing bullying that is so blatant, but I am still at a loss of what educators can do. If someone can enlighten me of what can actually make a difference let me know.

Haha yes shifting it back on track :P

As I think someone mentioned a few pages back in this thread, I'm not really sure how much educators can do to address the problem. I think it primarily needs to come from the parenting and how these children are raised to act. Even then though you cannot completely control it since the environment the children are with/peers they associate with further influence their behaviour and this is often somewhat out of a parent's control. I am hoping that this film may provide some possible solutions, or at least show us how some people/institutions have attempted to approach the issue and how this has gone in practice.

 

[cheercurl]

Educating parents and children what constitutes bullying and how a person should react...whether the victim or the participant or even the spectator is a good start. Making everyone aware of what the possible consequences are for the victim and participants is a good start. Making sure children understand that suicide is a very permanent solution to what we hope is a problem that can be solved.

 

[Boo21]

When the season started this year my daughter ended up on Jr 4 with a girl she has not been on a team with since she was 4 years old and on mini's. My daughter also hardly knows this girl (she is now 9) This girl is making fun of her and telling anyone who will listen that my daughter is a terrible flyer and doesn't squeeze. My daughter is really upset by this because she has not even flown with this girl in 5 years. Obviously she is a better flyer at 9 then she was at 4. Not quite sure how to handle this one or why this girl would even be saying anything about my daughter. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[cachoi]

When the season started this year my daughter ended up on Jr 4 with a girl she has not been on a team with since she was 4 years old and on mini's. My daughter also hardly knows this girl (she is now 9) This girl is making fun of her and telling anyone who will listen that my daughter is a terrible flyer and doesn't squeeze. My daughter is really upset by this because she has not even flown with this girl in 5 years. Obviously she is a better flyer at 9 then she was at 4. Not quite sure how to handle this one or why this girl would even be saying anything about my daughter. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

I would definitely talk to the coach. However, the other girl will probably play innocent and say "oh I never said that" and then it can become a sticky situation. Ask the coach to make a general statement that name calling or saying things to be hurtful instead of constructive will not be tolerated. I had a few incidents like that last season and when I wasn't a first hand witness, I told the girls that I wasn't accusing them of anything but if they were saying rude comments then they needed to stop. After becoming aware of such incidents I kept my ears open, especially if I knew a girl was capable of saying those comments, so I could directly bring it up with her parents with first hand knowledge.

 

[dawgshow]

Educating parents and children what constitutes bullying and how a person should react...whether the victim or the participant or even the spectator is a good start. Making everyone aware of what the possible consequences are for the victim and participants is a good start. Making sure children understand that suicide is a very permanent solution to what we hope is a problem that can be solved.

This is key! The solution is to give kids the tools and confidence to stand up and say "STOP!!!!". People will always be mean. That meanness will continue to escalate into bullying at times. Everyone needs to know that it's not only OK to stand up for yourself or someone else it's also OK that people don't like you. You have to like yourself, or know where to go for help if you don't.

 

[kristenthegreat]

In schools in particular, you have a vicious circle- Parents on one hand want educators to be able to punish bullies, but then some say it's not their job (which it technically isn't, and I'd bet they'd love to shoulder less of that responsibility). Most of it takes place online/away from school, where educators can't really do much because people are insisting it's 'private', but the government hasn't caught up to social media, much of which is technically public information. Teachers blame parents for being oblivious, having a 'Not MY child mentality', parents say teachers pick favorites and won't punish certain bullies because they're athletes/popular/rich parents etc. Kids feel like if they stand up for themselves, THEY'LL be the ones who will get punished.

Schools need to develop and address a specific online policy- they need to inform parents/students about it so that everybody knows what's what. Parents raise their kids to handle it as best they can, and kids feel free to stand up for themselves or others who are bullied. We had a guy who was team manager for the girls volleyball team this year. He had a formspring, which some bullies were using to harass him. We convinced him to delete it, and it made things much better for him.

 

[canttouchthis]

im getting a degree to be a teacher, while i hope i would be able to watch and see everything you just cant, most of it doesnt even happen in the actual class room.
its hard for teachers because you cant see everything and you cant hear everything.


i know my science teacher knew i was gay and some random kid came in the class to give him something, and a kid in there said something to him and he said, thats so gay, my science teacher made him apologize in front of the entire class room for rude and foul language. he said if he heard anyone say anything like that they would be sent to the office.

kristenthegreat the online policy is tricky, because its not really there right to say what you can and cant post at home. its not there job nor is it there place.

 

[12stepCheermom]

In schools in particular, you have a vicious circle- Parents on one hand want educators to be able to punish bullies, but then some say it's not their job (which it technically isn't, and I'd bet they'd love to shoulder less of that responsibility). Most of it takes place online/away from school, where educators can't really do much because people are insisting it's 'private', but the government hasn't caught up to social media, much of which is technically public information. Teachers blame parents for being oblivious, having a 'Not MY child mentality', parents say teachers pick favorites and won't punish certain bullies because they're athletes/popular/rich parents etc. Kids feel like if they stand up for themselves, THEY'LL be the ones who will get punished.

Schools need to develop and address a specific online policy- they need to inform parents/students about it so that everybody knows what's what. Parents raise their kids to handle it as best they can, and kids feel free to stand up for themselves or others who are bullied. We had a guy who was team manager for the girls volleyball team this year. He had a formspring, which some bullies were using to harass him. We convinced him to delete it, and it made things much better for him.

That's a good synopsis. Most of us have those policies in place now, our board went to a specific cyber bully policy about two years ago.

Iwouldn't say schools are against dealing with it, I'm not anyway (some people have thoroughly unreasonable expectations of what we can accomplish by ourselves though) it's evidence that can be difficult. If there's no evidence and it's all "he said, she said" you really can't do a lot. Cyber bullying in that case is WAY easier to deal with because these kids write ALL of it down, conveniently date and time stamped with their smiling duck bill face profile pic right next to it. We can deal with that easy.

Twitter even sent a threat toward a teacher straight to the county police department who showed up at our door with it. That was the fastest discipline ever. 10 minutes for a ten day suspension and charges. It's not hard when it's written down :)

It's the random conversation that happens in the hallway no one hears that it way harder to deal with.

 

[12stepCheermom]

kristenthegreat the online policy is tricky, because its not really there right to say what you can and cant post at home. its not there job nor is it there place.

that's where you're wrong. We've suspended multiple kids this year for stuff they tweeted and posted to Facebook. It is a bit tricky but the law says that if what they're doing online and/or away from school creates a disruption IN the school....it is our business and you can be disciplined for it. It's what constitutes a disruption.

For example, had a guy rap a YouTube video that called out every high school in our county by name with lots of nice references to exactly what kind of girls went to each and what they'd do for you...or to you more to the point.

One girl was so upset when he made some reference to it in class and inferred he was talking about her, she lost it and started screaming at him (which is how we came to know about the video). That was definitely a disruption...he ended up with tougher discipline than she did in the end because it effected nine different schools.

 

[canttouchthis]

12stepCheermom well at the schools i have attended, they couldn't tell you what you could do. i think it might differ by state