What a profound question. I wish the Kernersville gym had two full floors. I wish my mom and my sister got more of the credit for all they do. I wish I had spent a little more time at home with Kenley when she was first born. I wish I could let go of people who have come in and out of our doors that I seem to care about more than is reciprocated. I wish I had kept a scrapbook every single season, and had taken more pictures and video in our very first really scary years.
As a mother I can completely understand why you feel this way. I understand that you can't get that time back, but I want to offer you a perspective that I don't know if you've considered before. Granted you might not have gotten to spend as much time w/her during that time as you wanted...but you have the unique opportunity and advantage of getting to do something that most parents don't.....You get to see your children
while you work everyday and your work is something that your entire family shares immense passion for. While most parents work 9-5 then have to come home and spend what very little time they have left feeding them, getting them ready for bed, etc...not only do Carley and Kenley get the unique opportunity to
enjoy their mom's (and dad's!) "work time" during the week, bc they are participating (whether it be tumbling or you coaching them) and are a part of your "job", they also get to spend quality time on the weekends doing something they enjoy (cheering).
In addition, I know you extend yourself for their other interests and activities as well (and they often have many), Planning and throwing parties for them that are so magical and unforgettable, etc. etc. I honestly don't know how you do it (and I don't sleep much either!)
...Plus, you have quite a few families who really love your girls and the friendships they've gained and the friendships they've given are the core of what you're about....love
As hard as that last part is (wishing you could "let go" of people whom you care about more than they seem to care about you), I don't think you should ever regret it. Sometimes we give more than people are capable of returning and sometimes it just feels too painful to love someone who doesn't return it, but in the end we can't control how others treat us....only how we treat them. I know your heart is too big to regret loving someone who perhaps didn't deserve and/or reciprocate it.....but it's a part of who you are and will always be a part of who you are.
*As far as the scrapbooks...I'll really try to help you over the next ...........years make that happen. :)
I'm so glad you choose to coach cheerleading over being a doctor Court..there are still so many of us who love you and your family dearly and look forward to countless years of happiness, success, and growth. Mrs. Gardner said it best to me one night... she said, "you see 'this'......'this' is something special that I'm not sure everyone else gets to experience." (I hope I got those words right Sarah...!)
"This" is why many of us are here Court...and I'm not sure other gyms have "this", but I would sure like to think that they do. You know what "this" is and it will always be the core (or shall I say heart) of who you are, what you do, and why you do it...and there will always be people who want it, but more importantly...need it.
