High School Crickets....

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The first thing I thought is: why is she flying a basket to begin with?

I know there are more score sheets than just UCA, but I haven’t seen a HS score sheet of any organization in years where baskets were worth the risk.

Regardless:

Team has a culture problem if the concern of the leaders is more focused on their ability to practice/perform than the well-being of their teammate.

That would be my biggest concern.

Personally, as a coach, I make an attempt to check on any athlete with any degree of injury that occurs at practice. I also manage my own injuries and leave the trainer out 95% of the time, as I’m better educated in such things than she is. In some places, it’s more common for athletes who are injured to be the sole responsibility of the trainer. The trainer communicates with the coach about the nature of the injury and the expected rehab time. We also have an understanding that I’m often leaving practice and heading to work (the kids see me in my work uniform and know why). So sometimes I don’t get to check up on them until the next morning. It would be hard for me to judge a coach based on their timelines of a response to text messages. Not all situations are created equally.
 
The first thing I thought is: why is she flying a basket to begin with?

I know there are more score sheets than just UCA, but I haven’t seen a HS score sheet of any organization in years where baskets were worth the risk.

Regardless:

Team has a culture problem if the concern of the leaders is more focused on their ability to practice/perform than the well-being of their teammate.

That would be my biggest concern.

Personally, as a coach, I make an attempt to check on any athlete with any degree of injury that occurs at practice. I also manage my own injuries and leave the trainer out 95% of the time, as I’m better educated in such things than she is. In some places, it’s more common for athletes who are injured to be the sole responsibility of the trainer. The trainer communicates with the coach about the nature of the injury and the expected rehab time. We also have an understanding that I’m often leaving practice and heading to work (the kids see me in my work uniform and know why). So sometimes I don’t get to check up on them until the next morning. It would be hard for me to judge a coach based on their timelines of a response to text messages. Not all situations are created equally.


We’re on the same page to a T, I again just was having a hard time separating professional from aunt.

Basket tosses are a skill taught through progression. You just don’t randomly grab a kid at the end of the summer the month before competition season and teach them a kick full (she was doing straight rides but the end goal was a kick full). We’re in SC. To max on the scoresheet you have to throw 4 baskets with two skills. No comment on that.


The culture and climate of the team is also a concern of mine. You have seniors (captains) explicitly telling teammates to not go to the hospital without consulting the team. I’m also concerned that she didn’t feel comfortable enough to say “hey. I’ve never done a basket I don’t feel comfortable” —- was that culture/climate ( too afraid to speak up), genuinely not wanting to let the team down or simply thinking she can do it.

The communication, again district policies, chain of command.. It is what it is, I know them because I have to follow them.

Full transparency as well, the head injury and the fact that she was diagnosed with a concussion naturally left my family on edge being that we just dealt with another child in our immediate family having an AVM so while clearly not the same thing, when you have another child just discharged from the hospital after brain surgery you go above and beyond to check on another one that gets hit in the head.

I just wanted a peaceful school year. [emoji31]


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I’m a former coach and I’m curious how other coaches would handle is. Since the child in question is my niece obvious my opinion is more emotional.

My niece is 14 (just turned) and going to 9th grade. She cheered JV for her high school in 7th grade and in 8th grade made varsity. She’s not a tiny child on varsity for the sake of it, she’s a base, threw a full last year, based the elite part of the pyramid and pulled her weight. Currently in 9th grade she’s throwing a two to full and a full thru to full. Point for jumps. Bases elite part of pyramid. 5 passes in the routine She pulls her weight (and IMO overworked).

Last week her coach had her fly in baskets. While she can fly in single leg stunts, she’s never been a “flyer flyer”. She was dropped in a basket toss Thursday and hit her head. She was checked out by the trainer and had 17/22 concussion symptoms and the trainer said she needed to see a doctor the following morning. My sister instead took her to the ER that night. She had a CT. She was diagnosed by a physician as having a concussion. Throughout this the coach never reached out to my sister or checked on my niece.

Last night this exchange went on in the teams group me
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My sister sent it to the coach and principal (principal replied—-coach did not). My niece text the coach and quit—-an emotional response but again she’s 14, and these 3 girls are seniors with two of them being captains. I absolutely see this as bullying and intimidation and it’s concerning that these teenagers are telling other children to “think of the team before going to the hospital “. I’m at the point where if she truly wants to quit she should. There’s a lot of negligence and apathy going around (from teammates and coach) and as of last night my niece is refusing to go back to practice (which I can respect. Clearly no one is protecting her)

The coach also did not reply to my niece’s text

How would you all handle this?

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These kids are behaving like entitled little snots. I hate the piling on. I hate that they’re denying her own experience. I hate that they’re telling her what to do like they’re her coach and not her peers. And the cherry on topI hate the sniveling little argument, “Well something different happened to someone who isn’t you, so obviously you don’t have a concussion.” Whoever came up with that little gem is not destined for a career in medicine. Or law.

That said, I’d urge your niece to reconsider quitting unless she feels her coach is so incompetent that her safety was at risk (which may well be the case). Because as someone who experienced bullying on cheer, you don’t want to give the bullies what they want. Because then tey win, and she literally loses something important to her. I didn’t quit in the face of bullying for all these reasons. And it was hard, but I learned/internalized an important lesson: do not care what terrible people think of you. Like really don’t care all the way to your bones (as opposed to just telling yourself you don’t care). Which is something I carry with me today.

I’m not trying to oversimplify her experience or be dismissive of her feelings. She needs to do what’s best for her, whatever that means. But I just know for me, overcoming bullying in HS really taught me a lot about myself and my strengths. So now whenever I’m being tested by an adult mean girl, my first thought is, “LOL I was bullied by twelve girls at once who were supposed to be my friends. It didn’t work when I was an insecure 14 y/o and it won’t work now. TRY. ME.” And I’d just love for her to be able to carry that quiet confidence around for the rest of her life by proving to these girls that she will not be pushed around by them.
 
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I am the coach that doesn't reach out to each girl regarding their concussions. I talk to them in person, and send them to the trainer that is better equipped to handle them. First, a student with an actual concussion should not be on their phone or email AT ALL, and I will not text or email them to encourage that behavior. Second, we have a lot of girls that think any bump on the head equals a concussion and I have had MANY girls that will go to a doctor and claim a headache to get out of practices and school. I wish this weren't the case, but it's true. This does not sound like situation with your niece, but it's my biggest frustration every year. Faking an injury is not cute or funny, but it's the easiest way to get out of practice without getting kicked off the team. If I spent all of my time reaching out to each girl that was sick, injured, or sad about her boyfriend, I wouldn't have time to eat dinner at night. I try and limit all contact to the group app rather than individuals, and leave concussions and injuries to the trainer. I am not heartless and love my kids, I truly do, but I don't find this situation unusual. I believe the biggest problem is the group text and handling that would be my first priority.

We do this for cracking down on BS injuries: if they’re so hurt they can’t come to practice, they need to be cleared by their doctor before they come back. It puts the onus back on them. And if they miss choreo or piss off their stunt group in that time...too bad. They’re “injured,” there’s nothing you can do.

And if you STILL get girls faking injuries to get out of practice, you tell them that obviously their health is at risk if they continue to cheer and that they need to take a year off and recover. It’s a liability issue otherwise. That removes the “Haha can’t cut me if I’m injured!” safety net.
 
I look at some of the seniors I had last year as they are about to move out to start college and I have no idea how they'll ever function without their moms. Mommy does everything for them! Want to skip practice? Mom says you're sick. Don't like cheering in the rain? No worries, Mommy will lie for you to get you out of it. I'm trying to figure out the balance and adjust my coaching to work with these kids, but most days I want to give up.
Don't worry. Their moms will do everything for them in college too. I am on a "non-sanctioned" parent page (run by former student's parents and not the University) and most of the posts are cringeworthy. It floors me the number of parents who need to do everything for their adult children - 90% of the posts should be deleted or not responded to because it is something the student should be taking care of but instead there are hundreds of replies. And god forbid you give them some real talk ("let them handle it and leave them alone" for example) you are reprimanded for bullying. It's entertaining but concerning at the same time.
 
Don't worry. Their moms will do everything for them in college too. I am on a "non-sanctioned" parent page (run by former student's parents and not the University) and most of the posts are cringeworthy. It floors me the number of parents who need to do everything for their adult children - 90% of the posts should be deleted or not responded to because it is something the student should be taking care of but instead there are hundreds of replies. And god forbid you give them some real talk ("let them handle it and leave them alone" for example) you are reprimanded for bullying. It's entertaining but concerning at the same time.
Yep. A friend of mine works for a college and you wouldn’t believe the calls she gets.

“My daughter doesn’t have anyone to eat lunch with” was a phone call this week. (The first week of the semester.)
 
Don't worry. Their moms will do everything for them in college too. I am on a "non-sanctioned" parent page (run by former student's parents and not the University) and most of the posts are cringeworthy. It floors me the number of parents who need to do everything for their adult children - 90% of the posts should be deleted or not responded to because it is something the student should be taking care of but instead there are hundreds of replies. And god forbid you give them some real talk ("let them handle it and leave them alone" for example) you are reprimanded for bullying. It's entertaining but concerning at the same time.

I set up parent forums to talk about the transition to college as part of my role at a HS.

Questions I have gotten at college nights include:

"Will someone be there to help her make her schedule to make sure she chooses the right things?"
"If she is sick and needs an extension who handles that?"
"Can I speak with someone at a college if my daughter is having roommate problems?"

The look on some of my high school parent faces when you first explain to them about FERPA/privacy re: an over 18 student (and the fact that a University won't even entertain your call unless your kid has filled out a waiver to ALLOW the school to share info) is alarming.
 
I set up parent forums to talk about the transition to college as part of my role at a HS.

Questions I have gotten at college nights include:

"Will someone be there to help her make her schedule to make sure she chooses the right things?"
"If she is sick and needs an extension who handles that?"
"Can I speak with someone at a college if my daughter is having roommate problems?"

The look on some of my high school parent faces when you first explain to them about FERPA/privacy re: an over 18 student (and the fact that a University won't even entertain your call unless your kid has filled out a waiver to ALLOW the school to share info) is alarming.

We’ve really lost the importance of the “figure it out” brand of parenting.

I took a psych class my freshman year. The professor told us to write a paper in something called APA format. She gave us a handout of what that meant, and sent us on our way. We were not allowed to ask questions. We just had to figure it out with the materials provided.

We all failed it HARD. But we learned and never made the mistakes again. And that was the point.
 
We’ve really lost the importance of the “figure it out” brand of parenting.

I took a psych class my freshman year. The professor told us to write a paper in something called APA format. She gave us a handout of what that meant, and sent us on our way. We were not allowed to ask questions. We just had to figure it out with the materials provided.

We all failed it HARD. But we learned and never made the mistakes again. And that was the point.

I remember having to actually go get a book from the library (everything I'd done in HS was MLA.) I certainly did not think of calling my mom/dad/stepdad. Even if I did, any of them would probably have told me "I don't know. I'm at work bye."
 
They don’t have to be over 18. Parents have NO say in college programs if their child is accepted, period, unless the child allows it. It can leave everyone in kind of a strange legal position if a minor student needs help, but has not waived FERPA, because the school CANNOT contact the parents, but the child cannot sign legal paperwork or for medical care themselves. Most early college programs require the student waive FERPA as a requirement of participation, but even with FERPA waived, the level of parent contact and control is way below that a high school is required to provide.

I have to explain that pretty much every single semester to parents who think of dual enrollment or early college as just another high school class. It isn’t.
 
They don’t have to be over 18. Parents have NO say in college programs if their child is accepted, period, unless the child allows it. It can leave everyone in kind of a strange legal position if a minor student needs help, but has not waived FERPA, because the school CANNOT contact the parents, but the child cannot sign legal paperwork or for medical care themselves. Most early college programs require the student waive FERPA as a requirement of participation, but even with FERPA waived, the level of parent contact and control is way below that a high school is required to provide.

I have to explain that pretty much every single semester to parents who think of dual enrollment or early college as just another high school class. It isn’t.
I took my 17 year old to college orientation and the folks at this college told me they could talk to me since my son is a minor and that he would have to sign forms when he turns 18 next year. So they all seem to think they can talk to me. I wont tell them differently lol.
 
Yep. A friend of mine works for a college and you wouldn’t believe the calls she gets.

“My daughter doesn’t have anyone to eat lunch with” was a phone call this week. (The first week of the semester.)
Yup, multiple posts asking to set up "play dates" for their kids the first few weeks of the semester (the incoming freshman class has 6,200+ in it and over 170 clubs). Last week was rush so anyone involved with that moved in a week earlier than the official move in date. Those girls are basically running from 7am-11pm every day and they must have had a day off or something over the weekend because mothers were posting that their kids had nothing to do and were "stuck in their room" and parents were posting blaming the school for not having planned activities for them that one day!
 
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