High School First Year

[EWalsh1029]

Wondering if anyone else found their first year of coaching extremely difficult? I was a an assistant to varsity, than JV coach, and finally bumped up to head coach this past season. My experiences as an assistant to varsity, and head coach on JV were fine, but this past season has been really horrible and tough.

I've had girls quit, a miserable parent venting on social media about questions I and the AD have already addressed to her. She's complaining about the uniform situation (we by no means had the $ for new ones and had trouble collecting enough for the team, so first few games they wore white tees and black shorts, after that they all had uniforms), wondering where her fundraising $ went ( we fundraise collectively as a team, that $ goes towards helping the less fortunate girls and towards banquet awards & gifts). Why they only competed once (girls quit and were Injured, and they were a very novice team, no way I could have put the remaining 7 girls on a May safety) I've told her all of this before and have spoke with her on numerous occasions, but she still went to a public source and vented about all of this, which makes me look like a fool, she's portraying it as she doesn't have any answers when in fact she does.

The experience is just really making me question my want to coach HS and my coaching abilities :(. I've cheered my whole life and also coached for the past 8 seasons (at the same school) but this past year has just been brutal. The old varsity coach was fired due to parents, and now I fear the same May happen to me. The parents truly run the roost around these parts.

So, just wondering, has anyone else been in a situation like this? Does is get better? What did you do?


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[coachsara1031]

Cheer up because it does get better. My first season I had a lot of problems too. I also had a social media problem with parents venting via our team Facebook page. I would just delete all of their negative comments. What helped me was getting used to the fact that you cannot please everyone. Make your decisions and stand by them as a head coach. There will always be a parent or two that are a thorn in your side. Don't stress about it and move on.

But there will also be parents that want to help you out. Get some parents on your side. Communication is key. Let them know dates for all events and fundraisers well in advance. Don't just give papers to the high school girls that probably won't remember to give them to mom or dad. Email everything to your parents. They will appreciate being in the loop. Also, assign a team mom or two to help you organize fundraisers and banquets.

Another thing that helped me my first season was doing a LOT of team building with the kids. We did something every single practice for team building. Sometimes we did games or get to know each other activities, etc. Just be consistent with it and don't skip out on it. It will start showing pretty quick.

One thing I noticed you mentioned was that your fundraising money goes to help your less fortunate girls. While this is commendable, I wouldn't recommend doing fundraising this way. Those parents expect to keep the money that their child fundraises for. Especially if you are doing any direct selling fundraisers, you need to make sure that the money stays with the girl who earned it.

And yes, the parents pretty much do rule things for you. If you keep them happy, you'll be happy. I hope my novel helped you out! Haha.


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[EWalsh1029]

Cheer up because it does get better. My first season I had a lot of problems too. I also had a social media problem with parents venting via our team Facebook page. I would just delete all of their negative comments. What helped me was getting used to the fact that you cannot please everyone. Make your decisions and stand by them as a head coach. There will always be a parent or two that are a thorn in your side. Don't stress about it and move on.

But there will also be parents that want to help you out. Get some parents on your side. Communication is key. Let them know dates for all events and fundraisers well in advance. Don't just give papers to the high school girls that probably won't remember to give them to mom or dad. Email everything to your parents. They will appreciate being in the loop. Also, assign a team mom or two to help you organize fundraisers and banquets.

Another thing that helped me my first season was doing a LOT of team building with the kids. We did something every single practice for team building. Sometimes we did games or get to know each other activities, etc. Just be consistent with it and don't skip out on it. It will start showing pretty quick.

One thing I noticed you mentioned was that your fundraising money goes to help your less fortunate girls. While this is commendable, I wouldn't recommend doing fundraising this way. Those parents expect to keep the money that their child fundraises for. Especially if you are doing any direct selling fundraisers, you need to make sure that the money stays with the girl who earned it.

And yes, the parents pretty much do rule things for you. If you keep them happy, you'll be happy. I hope my novel helped you out! Haha.


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Thank you! Reassurance was very much needed!

 

[Twinklestars]

As a parent with two cps, I expected that any money fundraised would go into a collective pot. We sold items that we got a part of the money from and if we didn't sell a certain amount, we were billed for it. We also had a car wash and bake sale. For one of the teams, we were expected to have a certain number of people show up to get their car washed. That team did great. The other team didn't have expectations and did okay. We are talking $1200 versus $300. We live in a small town of about 2000 people.

I would say that I was a thorn in the side if you asked the coaches. One didn't like me because of another parent who was essentially running the team. The other didn't like that I wanted her to be fair and also to follow safety rules. So, I would say that if you are going to give one parent your time and ears that you need to give that to all of them. And, watch your cheerleaders, if there is bullying, put a stop to it. Lastly, I am sure that you know safety rules and follow them. You should not need parents to tell you what they are and then to ignore them. :mad::banghead::mad:

 

[gymcatmomx2]

It 's interesting that both posts stated that the parents run everything. To me that sounds so crazy. It is the totally opposite at our high school. The governing document that is the "bible" for all 3 cheer squads, the cheer constitution, lays out in detail exactly what is expected. If there is any discrepancy, the final decision is a joint effort between the cheer coach and the principle.

As for the parent that is bashing you on social media, I would just ignore it. She is embarrassing herself more then she is hurting you. I would agree with coachsara1031 about the fundraising issue. There is a mandatory parent meeting that is scheduled several weeks before tryouts that outlines the cost of school cheer. If a parent is not present, then the cheerleader cannot tryout. In the documents that are provided, it states that if all money is not paid by the first day of camp, then the cheerleader must forfeit her position on the squad. Also, as for the girls who quit, it states in our constitution that if a cheerleader quits the squad they have to wait a year before they can tryout again. That has only happened once in 8 years.

It sounds like you are a kind and caring coach. Don't let one or two people run you off.

 

[AScheer]

Wondering if anyone else found their first year of coaching extremely difficult? I was a an assistant to varsity, than JV coach, and finally bumped up to head coach this past season. My experiences as an assistant to varsity, and head coach on JV were fine, but this past season has been really horrible and tough.

I've had girls quit, a miserable parent venting on social media about questions I and the AD have already addressed to her. She's complaining about the uniform situation (we by no means had the $ for new ones and had trouble collecting enough for the team, so first few games they wore white tees and black shorts, after that they all had uniforms), wondering where her fundraising $ went ( we fundraise collectively as a team, that $ goes towards helping the less fortunate girls and towards banquet awards & gifts). Why they only competed once (girls quit and were Injured, and they were a very novice team, no way I could have put the remaining 7 girls on a May safety) I've told her all of this before and have spoke with her on numerous occasions, but she still went to a public source and vented about all of this, which makes me look like a fool, she's portraying it as she doesn't have any answers when in fact she does.

The experience is just really making me question my want to coach HS and my coaching abilities :(. I've cheered my whole life and also coached for the past 8 seasons (at the same school) but this past year has just been brutal. The old varsity coach was fired due to parents, and now I fear the same May happen to me. The parents truly run the roost around these parts.

So, just wondering, has anyone else been in a situation like this? Does is get better? What did you do?


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My first year was hell on earth. Can I say that here?!? I inherited an already picked squad that was basically parent ran the year prior. I had a mom email me the first day letting me know how things were done, where things were purchased, when they did this, etc. Needless to say it was rough waters when I came in and took over. I knew what I wanted and literally fought all season to get it. The worst part was the principals didn't back me because it was easier to let the parents have their way. The next year we got a new woman principal who took my back 100% and things changed for the better. Not to mention a lot of the problems graduated and the younger kids & their parents realized how things were going to be. IT GETS BETTER! I PROMISE!!

There is always a problem mom. Last year I had my worst cheer mom yet (she may win worst in history lol!) It takes an emotional toll on you, so I can relate to everything you’re going though, but if you stick it out it is worth it! Some things I've found that help are

1) Communication. Like crazy amount of communication! Make sure it’s with the parents and not just the kids. Handouts don’t work, emails/facebook/message boards do. If the parents know what is going on and know about things in advance it helps with problems, confusion, and frustration. For example the game situation: did all of the parents know in advance that there was an issue with uniforms and that x amount of money needed to be raised. Were they updated along the way that x amount was still not in. And finally before the game was it re-explained that the amount wasn’t raised so this is what we have to do.

2) Getting your AD on board and filling them in on anything. If something even remotely drama related happens my first call or email is to the AD, just to inform him. Most the time nothing comes of it, but for that 1 time it does, he knows up front what is going on and isn’t blindsided. He also knows the story and can decipher what the mom is saying and how truthful it is. Even if it’s not drama and I send an email I think may make a parent unhappy I will bcc him on it.

3) Constitution that lays everything out prior to the season AND a parent/athlete meeting they have to attend before tryouts to go over it. If they don’t attend the meeting or don’t sign they cannot tryout. This way they can’t claim they didn’t know something, etc. (extra note that this is the ONLY parent meeting I have for a reason!)

4) If you have a particularly bad group use the BCC on email to send out emails. I had a mother a few years ago that would respond all except for me trying to rally other parents. Luckily I had a great group of other parents that didn’t tolerate it, but for the remainder of that season BCC was my best friend.

5) It can be hard when kids quit, and can even hurt your feelings, but in the long run it’s for the better. Kids quit for a reason, and its better to have them gone then to infect those reasons on the other kids. If a kid doesn’t want to be there I PROMISE it’s better that they’re not!

6) Follow through. If there is a punishment/consequence/reward/whatever follow through with whatever you say. They will remember and will bring it up. If you don't they either don't believe you in the future or know they can get away with stuff.

Our fundraising is also collective. Even though I would prefer it not to be, it's legally not allowed to go towards individuals. If it goes to one girl specifically to offset her cost then the state considers it income and it gets taxed. Therefore all money goes into the account and is split evenly. Frustrating for those that slack, but it is what it is. I think the problem your parents are having here is that its benefiting the less fortunate. While that is a whole discussion in itself and I view both sides, at the end of the day it really isn't fair that they are paying their bill and fundraising to support another girl not paying her bill.

My squad sounds like it is ran very similarly to what @gymcatmomx2 . We have a certain amount that has to be raised per girl, and if you don't meet it you owe the difference. Parents that don't want to fundraise can also buy out and pay the difference.

 

[MHSCheercoach]

My first year...wonderful. Second year...pretty good. Third year...hell on earth. Each year you get a different group of girls which affect how the year goes. My savior this year has been my AD who has a take no prisoners kinda mindset. She doesn't put up with drama and issues that are outlined in my book and doesn't expect that I should have to either. I am making changes to my handbook yet again, but for the most part it works well. I don't have to debate on what a punishment will be, it's right there in the book. Having your AD on board does help, but it doesn't cut out the drama unfortunately. Hang in there, next year may be a breeze. :)

 

[EWalsh1029]

My first year...wonderful. Second year...pretty good. Third year...hell on earth. Each year you get a different group of girls which affect how the year goes. My savior this year has been my AD who has a take no prisoners kinda mindset. She doesn't put up with drama and issues that are outlined in my book and doesn't expect that I should have to either. I am making changes to my handbook yet again, but for the most part it works well. I don't have to debate on what a punishment will be, it's right there in the book. Having your AD on board does help, but it doesn't cut out the drama unfortunately. Hang in there, next year may be a breeze. :)

In definitely going to revamp our handbook if everything goes smoothly after this situation! Would you mind sharing some rules/regulations you enforce? If not I understand!


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[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

(Disclaimer: I took a year off this year from coaching due to finalizing my son's adoption, but coached HS for 8 years and will likely do so next season)

With that said, Sweet Baby Jesus, yes. Yes my first year was bad.

There's always that one mom. In my case, there were 5.

Some background: When I started coaching this team, they had a JV and a Varsity. It was one of those, "you are Varsity simply because you're in 11th grade" deals. Neither team really had a skill difference as neither of them stunted or tumbled.

I dealt with that model of program for the year, and brought in a tumbling coach to start working on some skills. I wanted to take the program to the next level. I prepared the girls throughout the year for the fact that since they were learning to stunt and tumble, come SPRING, things were going to be a little bit different.

Spring tryouts roll around and I roll out my new program structure at the pre-tryout meeting:

1. There were no longer going to be any grade level requirements for varsity. The distinction was going to be earned by skill.

2. If you wanted to make Varsity, you needed to have a working BHS and the ability to base or fly in a prep extension.

You seriously would have thought I'd said double ups and whip doubles only. THere was an entire mom contingent who suddenly felt threatened by the fact that their senior daughters with no tumbling and jumps akin to Mini Level 1 were not going to just magically make varsity and that *gasp* a FRESHMAN could make it just because her jumps and tumbling were better.

AD says stick to your guns. So I do. Lo and behold, the upcoming seniors with Mini 1 jumps and back walkovers make JV.

They sent a petition to my AD to try to "get me fired." (not realizing that as a teacher, that's not how it works.) It does not work. They all TRANSFER schools and trash me to anyone who would listen. And still do.

About 8 years later, I am not coaching there this season, but the current coach (my past assistant) has upped the Varsity tumbling requirement to a tuck. I love it! lol.

 

[MHSCheercoach]

In definitely going to revamp our handbook if everything goes smoothly after this situation! Would you mind sharing some rules/regulations you enforce? If not I understand!


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I'll send ya a private message!!

 

[Twinklestars]

You seem like awesome coaches!

Our try-outs are yet to be announced (had a snow week). I know the coach at our new high school and am thrilled that she has rules and expectations and so are my cps!


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[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

Something I did that does not work well for everyone (my assistant, who is this year's head coach, does the same thing) :

My particular school (where I still work but am currently not coaching) has large-ish cheer teams. Current Varsity has 27.

I simply couldn't (and still can't) allow 27 sets of parents to have 24/7 phone access to me at all times. Nor do I want them to have my home number or my personal cell (I had VERY SERIOUS issues with parents blowing me up at 10 PM on Saturdays with non-pressing issues like "what if Suzy's double toe touch isn't good enough for varsity?" I am not exaggerating. Every weekend. Or they'd call my cell while I'm out at my son's tee ball and refuse to just leave a voicemail.)

I went to email only for parents. Seriously. If you emailed me and your concern was such that it needed a phone call, I called. If I needed to get last minute info out, it was via text or email (since most people get email to phones.)

That sounds really harsh, but if you had the parents I had, you'd have done the same. These were the ones who had a hard time distinguishing between "This is an emergency" or "This can wait." They also had issues with waiting for answers (i.e. if you called once, I will return your call. You do not need to call me 4 times in one evening.)

Other parent related guidelines:

*Closed practices. Sounds bad, but I did not have the variety of moms who could just watch. We have certain ones open for "show offs."

*I require parents to attend the pre-tryout meeting WITH their student (we do a breakout, one kids and one parents) in order for the kid to be able to try out. Why? So Mom can't say "OMG I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!!!!" when Little Miss Tardypants is dismissed from the team for being absent 3 times (We work on a demerit system. You have a max of 15. Unexcused late is 3 and ABSENCE is 5. If you miss practice 3 times, you're dismissed.) You sat in the meeting and signed the packet! You certainly did "know that."

 

[CoachKar]

I actually just attended our states cheer coach conference. They had LOTS of great tips one thing I really liked was having set hours for the your team/parents to call for non-emergency situations that way they have to respect that you have a life outside of coaching and you have some time to yourself because if your year was anything like mine I constantly had girls calling, texting etc for questions that could have waited. They also suggested that if you are having problem with a parents never just give them an answer right then or there even if you already know. Let them know you'll think about it and take some time, that way both you and the parents have cool down time and can take a step back and re-evaluate the situation.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

They also suggested that if you are having problem with a parents never just give them an answer right then or there even if you already know. Let them know you'll think about it and take some time, that way both you and the parents have cool down time and can take a step back and re-evaluate the situation.

This has been truth.org. I learned it from teaching!

Example: Even if you KNOW that Billy Bob cannot turn in that assignment late for full credit, it is perfectly okay to say "Let me consider some things and get back to you." even when you know that the answer is no.

 

[lisa G]

i'm confused on why if you fundraise collectively as a team you then give the money to the "less fortunate". Who determines who is less fortunate? in my experience of coaching (10 years) i have learned two things that relate to this....
1 - they fundraise more money if they get what they earn
2 - someone that i thought didn't "need" the money were sometimes the ones who needed it the most.
Nothing makes people madder than to think the money they earned isn't going to them or that it is mismanaged whether or not it is. In my first season of coaching i learned that you have to give way more information than you would think you need to especially when it comes to money.

My first year coaching at the high school was a great year because everyone was just happy to be rid of the old coach. Last year it ended badly because some of the seniors were unhappy that their chosen one didn't get to be captain because of they way she led the year before (or should i say the way she didn't lead). That caused a parent to complain to the Principal three weeks before the end of the season and rather than appoint that girl as captain that late, i chose to remove all of the captains which was unfair but better than letting the girl who did not deserve it get the title.

In the end you are never going to make everyone happy. You are going to have the kids who make it and then don't have grades and are dropped, you are going to have the kids who make it and then dont pay so are dropped and lastly you are going to have the kids who just drop because they feel like it or it is too much work. Parents are going to complain and kids are going to b**** but as long as you are running it in a fair and organized manner you should be fine. My last tip is ALWAYS have backup to everything you do. I tell my girls (and parents) that there is a logical reason behind EVERYTHING that i do and if you want to know it, ask.