How Do You Know When It's Time To Be Done?

[Unsure]

I'm not really new here, just wanted to post without others knowing who I am. For two seasons now I've been feeling like there is more negative than positive happening for CP. Not because she hasn't progressed because she has, not because her teammates aren't amazing because they are and not because her team didn't win/do well because they did. Even with all of these positive things, I am feeling the overall vibe and pressure of being on a Worlds level 5 team is taking all of the fun out of something she says she loves. The negative coaching, the amount of time expected, the micromanaging of athletes lives, the feeling that nothing is ever good enough - it's a huge weight on her shoulders. She would never go to another gym, I'm just starting to wonder if it's just time to be done but when I talk to her about it she gets upset at the thought of not cheering. Advice?

 

[CheerBank]

Out of curiosity, how old is your cp? Is this her last year or does she have quite a number of years left to do all-star cheer?

 

[Unsure]

Out of curiosity, how old is your cp? Is this her last year or does she have quite a number of years left to do all-star cheer?

She's 15

 

[cheermomforever]

I feel if her heart is not in it and she will not give it her all, then do not invest the $ in it. She has to love being there every day or she will never be happy. Especially if there is negative coaching and they are making her feel bad. We just had a girl leave because it is her Sr year and she was not loving it anymore and had a lot of pressure at school.

 

[Unsure]

I feel if her heart is not in it and she will not give it her all, then do not invest the $ in it. She has to love being there every day or she will never be happy. Especially if there is negative coaching and they are making her feel bad. We just had a girl leave because it is her Sr year and she was not loving it anymore and had a lot of pressure at school.

Agreed, but SHE says she loves it and doesn't want to quit. I am just not feeling or seeing that, I see more frustration and annoyance than love. So I'm stuck.

 

[CheerBank]

She's 15

Has she ever brought it up to you that she might not be as into it as she has been before? I would sit down and have the conversation with her. Just ask if she is still having fun and loving it as much as she used to. So much time, dedication and money goes into all-star cheer that if her heart is not in it anymore, she may want to think about moving on to something else after this season that makes her happy.
ETA (because I just saw your response to the other poster): If she says she still loves it then I would talk to her about how you feel she seems more frustrated than in the past, and maybe you can figure out why she seems less happy to you.

 

[Unsure]

Has she ever brought it up to you that she might not be as into it as she has been before? I would sit down and have the conversation with her. Just ask if she is still having fun and loving it as much as she used to. So much time, dedication and money goes into all-star cheer that if her heart is not in it anymore, she may want to think about moving on to something else after this season that makes her happy.
ETA (because I just saw your response to the other poster): If she says she still loves it then I would talk to her about how you feel she seems more frustrated than in the past, and maybe you can figure out why she seems less happy to you.

I have spoken with her, she says the things that make her frustrated and annoyed just are what they are and she knows there isn't anything that she can do to change it so she just isn't going to worry about it. But, I can tell it does/is getting to her. I think that she is mostly afraid of losing the friendships she has built at her gym.

 

[ashscott41]

Has she considered cheering for her school or going to a lower level team? My junior year of high school I had grown sick of many of the things you mention and decided to just cheer at school (non competitive sideline only) and ended up loving it. Since I had always spent so much time at the gym, I never had school friends to be close with, they were more like casual acquaintances I would eat lunch with but not hang out with on the weekend. Doing only school cheer really allowed me to thrive at school. In the same vein, my best friend at my gym decided to finish out the season on L5 and at tryouts the next year asked to be placed on L4. That allowed her to travel to most of the same competitions and keep her friends at the gym, but be in a much lower pressure environment. Either way there is no easy answer, but I'm wishing you and your family good luck!


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[CheerBank]

I have spoken with her, she says the things that make her frustrated and annoyed just are what they are and she knows there isn't anything that she can do to change it so she just isn't going to worry about it. But, I can tell it does/is getting to her. I think that she is mostly afraid of losing the friendships she has built at her gym.

It's definitely a valid concern. No matter how much we want to believe that the friendships will same the same if cp or one of her friends left the gym, things change just based on the difference in the amount of time spent together throughout the season. However, life is not supposed to stay stagnant, and making new friends and participating in new experiences should all be a part of it. Hopefully as the season progresses whatever that is bothering her will work itself out and she will have less frustration and more happiness. If its the overall pressure of the Worlds team, though, I agree with @ashscott41 in maybe looking into a team with less pressure for next season. Good luck with everything!

 

[Mamarazzi]

As long as she still wants this, and it doesn't affect her grades and things, let her continue. She's not ready to give this up.
Try, at the same time, to help her concentrate on the positive. She made a choice, doesn't want to quit, so it sounds like you both need to focus on the positive aspects, rather than being wishy-washy negative.

 

[Dixie]

If y'all aren't sure, maybe you could stay in this year but treat it as if it's her last. "This is your last choreo camp", "This is your last NCA", etc. Hopefully she will enjoy it this year. If after all her 'lasts' she is nostalgic but still ready to go - its time. If she's teary and wants to tryout again - it was just a hiccup in her cheer career. It's hard to give up something y'all are so invested in. Praying you find peace in your decision.


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[KDCheerMom]

So at 15 she is likely a Freshman/Sophmore and defiantly sounds like she does not want to leave yet. Looking ahead, Junior year is VERY hectic - usually a heavy school load, ACT/SAT, and college discussions. Just ahead of going into Junior year is probably a good time to take stock - what does she want to do in the long run, college, career, etc. These answers might help to decide next steps. If it is a goal is to cheer in college - then stay level 5; goal to teach or coach - may be junior coach at the gym, or it may be time to leave and refocus on college/career goals.

FYI - it actually sounds like she has a pretty healthy attitude to only worry about what she can control - how many of us adults worry about things we don't control. Perhaps the opportunity lies in the idea that there may be more things she can impact than she thinks. If she could pick "one" thing to improve the situation what would it be and how could she go about it. This might be another approach to the situation and again is a good life learning opportunity.

Good luck...