OT Need Friendship Advice!

[Just-a-Mom]

Middle school is tough and I wish I could say that this kind of stuff stops as you get older, but it doesn't. There's college girls that I have seen do it and it completely sucks.

I'm 40 and this still happens to me. Even grown women have a little "Plastic" in them sometimes. The difference is how I react. It took me years to get to this point, but when things like this happen now, it's just "Ew. What a witch" <nicer words for FB>.

I just have a policy - if you bring something positive to my life that I wouldn't have without you in it, you can stay. If you don't, you can't. That's not to say I will never talk to someone again, just that I back off a LOT on the friendship. If and when they ask why, I tell them the truth.

Usually they say, "Why didn't you say anything?" My reply? "Because no one should need to tell you that that was messed up. I'm not your mother, it's not my job to raise you to be a better person." Seriously... I hate when people act like they don't know that something they did was jacked up.


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[Mclovin]

Lesson for life:
Let them approach you for friendship if they want it, rather than trying to chase them around and force a relationship. Friendship is a two way street that needs to be met from both sides. The more eager you are to be friendly with people like that, the more they are going to jeer away from you. (this lesson goes for dating as well........Let them chase you, don't try and chase them down/pressure them to have a relationship. If they are interested, you will know )

In the end, if they aren't putting in effort to be friends with you, then it's not worth your time. Don't worry about what she did/does, etc anymore. Move on & focus on other relationships (family, other friends, etc.) as well as yourself. What activities make you happy? What will better you as a person in your lifetime? Learn a language, try a new dance class, find a new hobby, go on a new adventure, etc.
The coolest individuals in life are never those that follow other people, they are the ones that do what they love & are confident in their happiness to not care what others think.

If my youngest daughter could learn this...I try so hard to get her to understand this....doesn't work. lol

 

[Mclovin]

I'm 40 and this still happens to me. Even grown women have a little "Plastic" in them sometimes. The difference is how I react. It took me years to get to this point, but when things like this happen now, it's just "Ew. What a witch" <nicer words for FB>.

I just have a policy - if you bring something positive to my life that I wouldn't have without you in it, you can stay. If you don't, you can't. That's not to say I will never talk to someone again, just that I back off a LOT on the friendship. If and when they ask why, I tell them the truth.

Usually they say, "Why didn't you say anything?" My reply? "Because no one should need to tell you that that was messed up. I'm not your mother, it's not my job to raise you to be a better person." Seriously... I hate when people act like they don't know that something they did was jacked up.


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I was going to say the same thing. I am almost 40 and Oh My Gosh are the women my age so PLASTIC!! Maybe it's just the city I live in. It's a VERY upper class community and I am most certainly NOT upper class. lol But regardless, I have lived here 7 years and I would not consider any of the moms I've met here a close friend. I have lots of moms who love to call me, but more often than not it's because they're trying to get the inside scoop about something going on at the gym since I'm a coach. Not once have I been called to hang out, have a girls night, have coffee, etc.

When I was in school it was the same way. The only difference now is I don't care. I have my family and they make me complete. I love my fellow coaches and enjoy them even though most are 10-15 years my younger. You couldn't pay me money to have to be "just a mom" again.

ETA -- I just realized that @Just-a-Mom is who I quoted and then said you couldn't pay me money to be "just a mom". LOL! Definitely was NOT directing that at you! ha

 

[jcheermom]

This is one of the hardest situations for young people to deal with today and I'm sorry that you have this issue with her, but please stop and learn from it. This is someone who isn't acting like a friend to you right now. It doesn't mean she won't ever be your friend, it just means that, at this time, she's not a person that you can call a friend. You need to surround yourself with people who make you feel happy and good about yourself, and with people who deserve your friendship and clearly this girl does not do this. Respect yourself to realize you are important enough to not accept this from her (I think you already do because you recognized that this is not something that a true friend would do to you and that you don't deserve this).
As far as your party goes, wait a little bit longer and see how things go with the relationship, and if it remains the same, explain to her, by message or note, that you think that it would be best that she not attend your party since, at this time, you two are not getting along and it would be awkward for your family and other guests to have to see you two together in a strained situation that can be avoided by her not attending your celebration.
Remember, you deserve respect and friendship.


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