OT Need Friendship Advice!

[farmers.cheer13]

Hi.. I need some advice about friendship. One of my friends, I cheer with her, is having a bonfire and they are going to a midnight movie. She invited all of the other 8th graders, except me. She also invited people who weren't on the squad with us. I thought we were really good friends, but obviously not. I don't know what to do because I invited her to my graduation pay, but now I don't want her to go because of what she did. What should I do?!?!

 

[ErinS]

Can't you just text her and ask her why? Or tweet her? or DM her? Or something.

Maybe she had a limit on people she could invite.

 

[farmers.cheer13]

She talked about this between us cheerleaders since the beginning of the season. She was handing out invites one day at school... I asked her about mine. She said she forgot it and would bring it then next day... She never brought me one.

~Statebound<3

 

[Mclovin]

My girls are often caught in this type of situation. Teenagers tend to have cliques which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's unfortunate when only one person is excluded but the bottom line is people are not required to be your friend. Teammate, yes but friends outside of the gym is not their obligation. That's what I teach my girls. I teach them that it's better to have one true friend than 30 that are being fake. So my advice to you is to move on, don't let it phase you, and find friends who really care. They are out there. Maybe not on your team but you'll find them. I'm sorry you're going through this but try and keep your head held high and seek out people who appreciate you for who you are


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[farmers.cheer13]

Thanks for the advice!! I'll take it into true consideration!!

~StateChamp

 

[Mamarazzi]

@farmers.cheer13 It's tough to be strong sometimes. And it super sucks feeling left out. Every last one of us, even the fiercest, most wise and awesome Mom, has felt just like you feel right now.
My advice is this. Listen to @Mclovin (smart cookie, she) and on the night of your not-friend's thing, go out with someone totally unrelated to school or cheer or whatever. Ask your parents to dinner and a movie. Try to keep yourself completely occupied. Bonus- they would be extra proud if you told them you want this to be a kid- parent - phone - free night! They would adore you, plus you wouldn't have to sit on your phone and watch tweets or pics from the party.

 

[farmers.cheer13]

Thanks!! I think all this adivce is really going to help!!

~StateChamp

 

[Mclovin]

@farmers.cheer13 It's tough to be strong sometimes. And it super sucks feeling left out. Every last one of us, even the fiercest, most wise and awesome Mom, has felt just like you feel right now.
My advice is this. Listen to @Mclovin (smart cookie, she) and on the night of your not-friend's thing, go out with someone totally unrelated to school or cheer or whatever. Ask your parents to dinner and a movie. Try to keep yourself completely occupied. Bonus- they would be extra proud if you told them you want this to be a kid- parent - phone - free night! They would adore you, plus you wouldn't have to sit on your phone and watch tweets or pics from the party.

Why thank you!!! it comes from many many nights of trying to comfort my own children in this very situation. It's so hard and so frustrating cause you can't do anything about it. You can't make people like you. Or maybe not even so much "like" you but maybe more that you can't make them want to hang out with you. It's life. So rather than sit around and mope, find new friends and to heck with those that think they are too good or too "cool" to hang out with you. You'll be happier and feel more appreciated for sure


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[retiredl5cheer]

Middle school is a hard time for a lot of girls, including myself. 10-13 year old girls are nasty and cruel to each other. From experience, I know that you can be best friends with a group of girls one day, and the next day they decide that you're "out." It happened to me twice when I was younger, and it's one of the most painful things you can go through as a teenager. Know that you're not alone! It always hurts to be left out of something, especially when you thought that the people leaving you out were your friends.

I agree with everything @Mclovin and @Mamarazzi said. Maybe consider seeking out a few girls that you've always been friendly with but may not have been close with. Make the first move and invite them to do something. You could find yourself a few new friends that you've overlooked in the past.

Also, remember how horrible this feels and make a constant effort going forward to never let anyone else feel this way. YOU can be the person that makes someone feel included and loved.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

I've always said that I wouldn't go back to that age if you paid me. It's one of the things I detest about dealing with school cheer.

Sidenote: I once had to have a sit down with my HS girls about this very topic.

There was a group of junior girls who were very much The Plastics (if you will) and they sort of had a revolving door of younger cheerleaders they'd pull into their group, then be all "Oh well, you're dating _____, you CAN'T SIT WITH US."

I had a couple freshmen on my Varsity team (they were super awesome athletes) and one who was particularly naive about HS politics, coming from being the Queen Bee of MS. She was taken under the "wing" of these 4, then told she was out after she made Homecoming Court (big deal as there are 2 freshman spots) and a Plastic 4 Junior did not.

There were tears but with a larger team, she found her place and had a great rest of the year once she got past the cliquey junk.

That freshman girl is now one of the most amazing seniors who makes the best effort to not leave ANYONE OUT of anything.

 

[cheerforeverever]

Lesson for life:
Let them approach you for friendship if they want it, rather than trying to chase them around and force a relationship. Friendship is a two way street that needs to be met from both sides. The more eager you are to be friendly with people like that, the more they are going to jeer away from you. (this lesson goes for dating as well........Let them chase you, don't try and chase them down/pressure them to have a relationship. If they are interested, you will know )

In the end, if they aren't putting in effort to be friends with you, then it's not worth your time. Don't worry about what she did/does, etc anymore. Move on & focus on other relationships (family, other friends, etc.) as well as yourself. What activities make you happy? What will better you as a person in your lifetime? Learn a language, try a new dance class, find a new hobby, go on a new adventure, etc.
The coolest individuals in life are never those that follow other people, they are the ones that do what they love & are confident in their happiness to not care what others think.

 

[alexacheer2010]

I'm just going to come out and say it: All of this advice is great, but when I I was in middle school and someone told me this it would never help. I'm so sorry you're having friend issues at school. It really is a tough few years. Lots of drama that doesn't matter a few years later. You probably have more good friends than you think you do though. Middle school was al about trying to be cool and have the "right" friends. For me, I had the better friends in elementary school
and basically dumped them for the popular kids... Now ten years after my stint as a popular kid, I'm only still friends with the girls who I originally thought were not cool enough for me. I'm so lucky they still liked me after I wasn't the nicest to them. My point in all this is... although you have some great insight from this thread, it's probably still going to be hard to get over the exclusion. And everyone goes through it... but look around at the people in your life who you probably take for granted and try to appreciate the good friends you do have right now instead of going for the "right" friends that will make you look cool.


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[xomckenzieee]

Middle school is tough and I wish I could say that this kind of stuff stops as you get older, but it doesn't. There's college girls that I have seen do it and it completely sucks. I fortunately only went through it once in high school (one of those we won't be your friend because we don't like your boyfriend deals) but I moved on and found better friends. I was popular in high school but I can honestly say my closest friends meant the most to me. If you are the bigger and nicer person, people will notice. If none of those girls want to be your friend, then they are not worth your time because you sound super awesome @farmers.cheer13

 

[katemarie89]

Lesson for life:
Let them approach you for friendship if they want it, rather than trying to chase them around and force a relationship. Friendship is a two way street that needs to be met from both sides. The more eager you are to be friendly with people like that, the more they are going to jeer away from you. (this lesson goes for dating as well........Let them chase you, don't try and chase them down/pressure them to have a relationship. If they are interested, you will know )

In the end, if they aren't putting in effort to be friends with you, then it's not worth your time. Don't worry about what she did/does, etc anymore. Move on & focus on other relationships (family, other friends, etc.) as well as yourself. What activities make you happy? What will better you as a person in your lifetime? Learn a language, try a new dance class, find a new hobby, go on a new adventure, etc.
The coolest individuals in life are never those that follow other people, they are the ones that do what they love & are confident in their happiness to not care what others think.

Completely agree with this comment.

 

[cupieqt]

@Mamarazzi can I give you a super shimmy? You're so perfect I can't even. x1000