Parents : How Do You Feel About "obeying"younger Coaches/directors

[Mamarazzi]

You may think this reply is sarcastic, mean, whatever, but we'll address that in a second.

1. Susie's Mom might come across as the most affable parent you've ever met, as she plunges her knife into your kidney. Sally's Mom might be the one you dread getting a text from because she questions every. single. decision. but all she really wants is an explanation for why she, as a minimum-wage-earner, has to take a second job to pay for her kid's cheer shoes. And warmups. And camp. And new uniform. And bows and socks and more bows and choreography and bows and sparkly shoelaces and practice wear and bows. Assuredly, if you tell her that your reasoning behind all the new "stuff" is because you just "like it better," Sally's Mom will not be happy and she might cuss you out.

2. Parents can be your greatest advocate or your worst enemy. You choose.

3. If you approach cheer as an activity that ALWAYS comes secondary to education, community service, respect for self and others, no parent can resist that.

4. FOLLOW THROUGH. Communicate your intentions clearly and professionally. Don't promise it if you can't deliver it.

5. If you need help, let them know.

6. State your expectations up-front. Don't fluff people and blow smoke. It's a sign of weakness and insecurity and Moms can smell it a mile away.

7. Follow your own expectations, times 10. If you expect the athletes to be on time, you make sure you're early. If you expect no talking during practice, stay the **** off your Twitter, and put your phone in a bag, away from sight.

8. Don't ever, ever think for one single moment that all parents are the same or that you've seen it all. Curve balls will be thrown. Be adaptable, listen, and find solutions together.

And finally, this thread you started is a good one. Your grammar and writing style are better here, too. Remember that I chose to ignore you on your other threads because you sounded, well, juvenile. But this one was relevant, thought-out and edited better (with the exception of the teal name-drop, but whatever.)
See, that's just how some parents are. If you sound uninformed, I won't give you a chance. If you express yourself in a concise manner, I may listen and have some tips to help. Listen to parents concerns. If you don't have a good answer or explanation, then say that, but follow through by getting an answer. Always.

 

[SharkDad]

I had a reply that was pretty much covered by @Mamarazzi

I think the main thing you need to get out of your head is that anyone will treat you differently because you are younger. They will only treat you different if you don't earn credibility or give them respect.

Just over all, how do you feel about being told what to do by an younger coach ?

I just know that every parent thinks like some parents do on here.

Lose these two statements from your mind and vocabulary. You aren't telling anyone what to do, you are setting policies for the best of the team and the athletes and following through with those policies with no prejudice one way or another. If that is your focus, no one will question your intentions.

When I was younger, like early 20's all of the coaches that I experienced were well above early twenties . Very few 20 year olds coached or assisted their own teams. So I never really had to deal with this issue before or experience it in any way , shape or form

I was at CEA the same time as you were according to your age and I saw plenty of kids graduate directly from SSX, SE, or CE and start coaching immediately. Most of them were treated like adults because they carried themselves like adults.

Lastly I'll use Sharkpup as an example. She is right now and has been handed a team at the small gym near where she is going to college. We spoke about many of the same things that have been given to you as advice:

Set your policies and be sure to communicate them clearly
Follow them
No favorites (including letting yourself slide)
Communicate with the gym staff/athletes/parents on everything that is going on
Admit your limitations and mistakes (she's tiny so she does not spot any form of tumbling)
Don't be afraid to admit you are the problem and change a bad policy

She has started to turn around a team that wasn't doing well. It's the senior team and highest level at the gym, so the kids are only a few years younger then her, but she's professional with them at all times and from what I have observed she has no problems with their respect, that of her parents, or the gym staff.

I hope this helps. I feel like at this point you are getting lots of the same things from different people. I really think you should take @ACEDAD's advice and get a mentor coach you can ask specific questions to and get specific answers. Other than that trust yourself and earn experience the old fashioned way. Your reputation will build itself.

 

[cheernerd5678]

One sure way to have kids and parents who don't respect you is to set up rules and then not go through with the consequences. If you tell me I get two absences and then I'm off the team or an alternate, but Susie has been gone for 5 practices and is still practicing and telling everyone how she didn't even get scolded, im going to assume that your rules aren't real rules, so I won't follow them, listen to you, or respect you. I think this is hard for everyone but especially younger coaches bc they don't want parents to feel disrespected and they are afraid to confront them bc they're younger. Follow through with whatever you say in your athlete contract. It's better to make people mad at the beginning and be respected the rest of the season than to be lenient and end up with an unruly team.

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[SharkDad]

One sure way to have kids and parents who don't respect you is to set up rules and then not go through with the consequences. If you tell me I get two absences and then I'm off the team or an alternate, but Susie has been gone for 5 practices and is still practicing and telling everyone how she didn't even get scolded, im going to assume that your rules aren't real rules, so I won't follow them, listen to you, or respect you. I think this is hard for everyone but especially younger coaches bc they don't want parents to feel disrespected and they are afraid to confront them bc they're younger. Follow through with whatever you say in your athlete contract. It's better to make people mad at the beginning and be respected the rest of the season than to be lenient and end up with an unruly team.

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Sharkpup and I spoke about this as well. Coaches and even gym owners need to think through their policies before making them. I told her to picture the entire season if people don't follow the policy and whether she will go through with it every time. If the answer was "no" or "maybe" then it wasn't a good policy. She really thought through any of her rules this way and has already had to enforce a few. Some of her kids didn't like it at first, but they seem to be following now and overall their discipline has improved.

 

[quitthedrama]

Just an FYI, if you are now thinking of going into school cheer coaching, many states have a minimum age for head coaches. Make sure you know the rules backwards and forwards of whatever it is you are coaching, not only for safety and so that your team isn't put in a bad position (i.e. cheating), but also because many parents are very knowledgeable of the rules and will be upset if the person that is in charge of the program doesn't know them and/or chooses not to follow them.

 

[cheer25mom]

How I react depends on how the coach presents his or herself. We had a young coach last year who had a "my word is law, you will not question me, and I will not be giving you any info on what is going on with MY team" attitude. She isn't with our gym anymore, largely because of the disrespectful way she dealt with many parents. She was on a serious power trip, and it came back to bite her big time. I spoke with our allstar director on a couple of occasions about the way she handled, or didn't handle, problems with the team, because speaking to her directly was pointless and invariably taken out on my CP. I went over her head because she left me no other choice.

Fast forward to this year. We have 2 young coaches who are excellent role models to our kids and extremely professional. I wouldn't hesitate to speak to either one of them about any issues because I know that I will be heard, and my concerns taken seriously and that any issues that arise will be handled in a professional manner.


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[NJ Coach]

The biggest problem I see with young coaches (and this will be a generalization) is they want to be liked. Being liked and being respected are two completely different things. The longer you do this, the more you'll realize that some days they'll (parents and kids alike) like you, and some days they'll hate you, but underneath all that, as long as they respect you, they will work for you.

Not all parents are crazy. Not all crazies are bad parents. You will always think you've seen everything and nothing can surprise you anymore, until it does. You'll get respect when you give it. You'll get it when you earn it. Stick to your guns, and the rules you've set. Go back on it once, and it's going to be an uphill climb to get it back. Speak the truth, but learn which truths don't need to be spoken.

There will be parents and kids alike that will try and take advantage of you because of your age. Stand your ground in a respectful manner. They'll learn.

Don't name drop. I don't know what it's like down there, but generally speaking, very few will care about what things were like at your previous place. They care about what things are like in the here and now.

 

[CheerTD]

My only advice is to be as authentic as you can. No matter how old you are, you will never please everyone and thats ok. Be you, be upfront, and really go for being the best coach you can.

The CheerTD Family

 

[luv2cheer92]

Oh jeez, I thought she was back

 

[TealShades]

Oh jeez, I thought she was back

Me too.

 

[dawgshow]

Hi @CheerTD. Welcome to the boards. You may want to check thread dates before answering because very old threads are probably not still looking for advice, or even still on the boards. Just some unsolicited advice to help make your time here pleasant.

 

[CheerTD]

Hi @CheerTD. Welcome to the boards. You may want to check thread dates before answering because very old threads are probably not still looking for advice, or even still on the boards. Just some unsolicited advice to help make your time here pleasant.

Thank you so much! Clearly i'm a newbie.