Parents

[coachsara1031]

I love cheer and I love coaching. But I hate the parents. I'm finishing my first year as a head coach and the parents pretty much ruin the experience for me. Does anyone else feel this way? It is constant bitching from them. Mostly about wanting their kid to be on a higher level, or thinking they can coach better than I can. I'm just getting real tired of it, it's wearing me down.


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[CheerBank]

As a parent, when a gym or a coach (not saying that you do) allows this behavior from the start, there is no reason for parents to stop it particularly if they have found it gets them what they want. You need to set your own policies and procedures for your teams and make sure the gym owners have your back on them. You also need to mean what you say/say what you mean, and follow through on any rules you set. You did not clarify what age/level group you are coaching, because that will also have an effect on the parents' level of craziness. Good luck and don't be discouraged, I promise you not all parents are like the ones you described.

 

[coachsara1031]

Thanks for the advice! It was hard this year because they had their previous coach for 5 years when I came in. I made a lot of changes that not everyone liked. I know I can't please everyone tho.


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[5-6-7-8]

I agree...crazy parents breed in the right environment. Shut them down and the problem can be greatly reduced.


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[Cheer Dad]

If the behavior is occurring during practice can you close practices so they can't watch? I personally hate close practices but they can serve a purpose.


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[BlockHead]

Perhaps a parent meeting by your director letting the parents know what kind of behavior from them is expected and will not be tolerated will help?

I never say much more than "hello" to the coaches. I try to mind my own business. If those parents aren't happy at the current gym for whatever reason, why the heck do they stay?

 

[caitlyn_the_camille]

And just remember you can't please everyone! Some parents are just going to be unhappy no matter what. You can be the sweetest, juiciest peach in the world, but there's always going to be someone who hates peaches!
(I live by that! Lol)


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[Meagan]

You really can't please everyone. My mom used to get mad when practices were closed. But I would have to agree that is definitely best. An athlete will feel comfortable at least. It's more important to get your job done then to be liked. I've learned that with my job.

 

[Keep_Believing]

I think there a a Coaches only forum you can join. They might offer you more support, advice in a private setting.

 

[SBD]

I'm completely agree! It's the kids that make the job worth it.


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[CheerBank]

Thanks for the advice! It was hard this year because they had their previous coach for 5 years when I came in. I made a lot of changes that not everyone liked. I know I can't please everyone tho.


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Hopefully in this coming season you will see a different response from the parents because they now know what to expect from you as a coach. There will always be the parents who complain about their kids not being on the level the parents think they should be on, and there will always be parents who think they know better than the coaches. That is just a reality of youth sports.

 

[Pebbles49]

I love cheer and I love coaching. But I hate the parents. I'm finishing my first year as a head coach and the parents pretty much ruin the experience for me. Does anyone else feel this way? It is constant bitching from them. Mostly about wanting their kid to be on a higher level, or thinking they can coach better than I can. I'm just getting real tired of it, it's wearing me down.


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Unfortunately, some of us parents give respect based on the number of grey hairs a person have... Based on your picture, you seem to be younger than 30 and probably, younger than a lot of the parents who think they can make demands on you... As an elder, I can only recommend that you hold your ground and in retrospect you will actually need to be much more sterner than usual in the beginning and than after about 10 years (hahaha) then ease up on us old timers-- after all, we will be 10 years older and a lot more weaker than you, but each cheer year, will get easier for you.... Good Luck!

 

[SharkDad]

@coachsara1031 first I'd like to pass on that you may not get everyone to empathize with when you say "I hate parents" There are a bunch on here who are happy to discuss things with you, but maybe not so much when you hate them.

As many have commented I understand your frustration and pushy parents are a well discussed topic here. Try searching form some of the venting threads.

As a parent, and someone who has been in the military a long time, this subject for me always comes down to credibility, understood expecations, and leadership.

Credibility - Everyone wants to know you are acting in the best interest of the kids and the team. If your actions are based on that and you have the support of the gym owners, you know you can stand up for and defend all the decisions you make. Over time even the most resistant people should realize that your coaching is making the team better.

Understood Expectations - communicating the direction you are taking the team, acceptable behavior from yourself (good leaders always lead by example), athletes and parents and avenues to take concerens in a healthy manner can all set the tone for how everyone behaves and what your consequences will be if they don't. Try leaving practices open, but letting the parents know you will close them if THEY abuse their role in supporting the team. That way if you do close practices, it is based on their decision, not yours. You just followed through with the consequence. (just an example).

Leadership - Here's the tricky part. Anyone can manage people, it takes a leader to get the best out them. How you communicate your expecations, manage team decisions, discipline and reward will all play a major factor in your success, even if the best policies are in place.

Hope some of this makes sense and helps. Contact @Weezy for access in the coaches section and happy posting.

 

[Mamarazzi]

@SharkDad said everything. For once, I can't think of a single thing to add.
Except to say that I can't add anything...which I just added...

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

I've been accused of "hating parents" on this board but I actually adore the vast majority of mine. It's just that a small minority make you want to pull out your hair.

Actual advice:

I find that moms really do at times just want to be HEARD. What they're saying is likely a translation for something else.

Example:

Mom says: "THIS IS TERRIBLE. HOW IS JENNY ON RESTRICTED 5 THIS YEAR BUT NOT MY SUZIE? You are clearly not seeing her true potential and I WANT TO SPEAK WITH THE OWNER!!!"

Translation: "I'm really upset because my kid has been working on Level 5 skills for 8 months and JUST got a full last week, yet Jenny has everything solid and ready for tryouts. I'm upset because my kid is upset about not progressing as fast as her friends and I don't know what to do."