All-Star Question For Other Parents

[KikiD22]

I've been meaning to ask this for a while, but events of this morning finally prompted me to post it. Are there any parents out there that have a spouse or ex-spouse that isn't exactly supportive of your child being involved in allstar cheer? My ex-husband and I separated over a year ago (divorced since August), but our daughter was involved in cheer well before that. Prior to that, he just didn't really participate, didn't go to competitions, just kind of ignored it. Since the separation/divorce, he's made my life miserable with anything having to do with cheer. Even though we have documentation in place saying he has to take her to practice, he fights me on it every time. He fights me on switching weekends for competitions. He complains about the uniforms, hair, and make-up. What prompted this today is that he referred to a photo of our 6-year-old in her uniform as "slutty."

Anyone else deal with this? He has no part in paying for cheer. I actually pay spousal support to him. And, our daughter LOVES cheer. So, I'm trying to figure out ways of making him see this and maybe he'll let up a little.

 

[ctwings]

Has your daughter's coach talked to the dad yet?? I had a girl on my mini team dealing with the same thing but after a talk with the dad he has been on board with everything...practices, competitions and even extra practices...sometimes it may need to come from someone else...good luck

 

[Brenner]

We just had a girl quit because her Dad would not bring her to the Saturday practices when it was his weekend for visitation : (

 

[ikarlyyy]

When my parents divorced, they made an agreement with payment.. My dad paid for monthly tuition and my mom paid for travel expenses. My mom would typically bring me to practice, but I was old enough at that point where I could get rides with friends. My dad was still supportive though.. He just wasn't as into it as my mom was.

 

[wcdad]

My issue was the other way. My x wanted nothing to do with it..It was written into our support settlement that if she did not want to go than than she gave up her time and I ended up taking her. Needless to say in over 10 years, she never went to a practice and went to less than 10 comps. I was at everyone regardless if she was there or not. I also had it written that she was responsible for 50% of the cost, but let just say that one was not enforced. Her loss my gain with the time I had with my daughter.

 

[newcheerdad]

I don't want to comment on the OP's particular situation, because I don't know all of the details. I do know as a soccer coach I've dealt with divorced parents in the past. My experience is that a parent that is unwilling to come to practices or games or support their child rarely changes their tune due to coach talking to them. It doesn't mean I won't have a conversation with the parent, but I don't usually expect much to come of it. Often the unwillingness to take their kid to soccer or cheer practice (or even outright hostility towards the idea) is a symptom of a bigger issue.

 

[proudpapa]

Quite frankly, I cannot understand how any parent be it a mother or father simply refuse to support their child in what their child wants to do or participate in. Am I to understand your daughter is only 6? I would suggest having your daughter speak directly to him or perhaps find someone who he responds to well, perhaps a sibling or grandparent! I found myself dealing with a father who was not unlike the one you described above. I finally had to arrange to pick him up from his home, had lunch with him and then took him to the competition myself. I spent all day with him explaining to him how things worked, I answered every question he had and made sure we saw his daughter perform. He was speechless for 2 1/2 minutes and almost cried when it was over. He ran to his daughter afterwards and apologized to no end, it was an amazing transformation. He is now one of our most supportive parents, he doesnt miss a competition and is always ready and willing to do anything his daughter and her team needs. Needless to say his daughter has developed into an amazing little cheerleader and come to think of it mom still owes me STARBUCKS! I would have done it for nothing but, hey we are talking about STARBUCKS!

 

[KikiD22]

Has your daughter's coach talked to the dad yet?? I had a girl on my mini team dealing with the same thing but after a talk with the dad he has been on board with everything...practices, competitions and even extra practices...sometimes it may need to come from someone else...good luck

Yes, actually our program director sent him a few emails and took time out to talk to him early in the season. However, he just took that as an opportunity to attack her, attack the gym, and to attack me to her. I thought that maybe him getting any questions answered would help, but it didn't.

To WCdad: That is actually how our settlement is written, but he still fights me on it. He doesn't fight as much on her normal weekday practices, but he wouldn't take her to her Saturday tumbling classes on his weekends or to their periodic Sunday practices. He just doesn't get that this is valuable time with his child, watching her do something she loves, that he's missing out on just because he doesn't want to go.

My biggest thing is that I wish he would just talk to our daughter. She is 6, and is old enough now to tell us what she likes and doesn't like. She'll tell him she wants to go to cheer, and then he'll pull things like, "Do you want to go to practice or do you want to go to Legoland?" (That's a real example.) Obviously, what 6-year-old isn't going to pick Legoland? Then he twists that into saying that she doesn't want to go to practice and therefore doesn't like cheer. I'm at a loss as far as how to deal with this anymore.

 

[MissBee]

In all honesty, I would talk to your attorney. See if what he is doing is violating any terms of visitation or custody. You should also ask if you can have the papers re-done so that it explicitly states that when he has his weekends with her that he is required to take her to all scheduled extra curricular activities. I had to have it written into our agreement that my ex would fill out the paperwork so that I could get the kid a passport. I had asked him several times to fill it out, and he refused-stating "nah, I don't feel like it". He did it simply to be a pain in the butt, and kept his kid from going to Canada on a family trip with his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. He and I sat at home while everyone else was on the trip. Some guys make it obvious to us (and everyone else) why they are our ex!

 

[WyldWon]

WCdad is my new idol...lol...I've been divorced for 2 years, prior to the split my daughters father NEVER supported her cheerleading, he made comments about her taking up a "real" sport (haha if he really knew) I had it written that in the divorce he would pay 1/3 of the cost, which he has but still never comes to watch a competition. My daughter chooses not to have much to do with her father due to his lack of support and nasty comments about the sport she loves...his loss.

 

[ufomom]

So sorry to hear your troubles. I would just make sure you know where the gym stands. If they decide to put her off the team...as I have witnessed in a similar situation/age, the coach did it to the father at a competition as the child sobbed in her uniform beside him. Delinquent daddy finally got to see the consequences of his poor parenting decisions in full force. It was horrible. I don't know if it was right or wrong, but the gym was following their clearly stated rules...miss practice competition week, you don't compete. Doubtful he read them, but the poor mom did everything she could. He was only interested in that comp because it was in Vegas. I can only hope he straightened up his act. Good luck.

 

[Hi! It's me!]

I almost died when I read the opening post, I could have written it word for word. We seperated a year ago and are still going through the proceedings. In 6 years of cheer he NEVER saw our older daughter compete, she is off at college now so he never will, and has only seen our youngest daughter compete once. I wish there was an easy answer but there isn't, some parents are not supportive because they don't understand and others, ahem my ex, aren't because they think that by hurting her they will hurt you. Talk to your coach, most are fully aware of what a parent is doing and will make allowances for the child. And really take it to a lawyer if he is violating the terms of the agreement.
good Luck I wish the best for you and your cp.

 

[funnygirl]

my daughter turned 13 today and started at 5 with all star cheering. i have been a single mom the whole time. i would present my ex with the cheer schedule each start of season and we would plan visitation for the yr around him having to do the least possible. for competitions i had give up my weekends and holidays to allow her to cheer. my ex would grudingly take her to cheer practice on the ocassional time she was at his home on a cheer day. in the summer he refused and cheer on his time. i explained to the coaches before hand and they wherre usually really good about it. we did allstar cheer instead of popwarner when she was little due to his out right refusal for aug practices and the sundays during nfl season. I have never had any help with with all stars fees and have found ways to pay all these yrs. my ex has gone to local comps for most of the time she has cheered the last few yrs he has lost interest. it is never easy to deal with somene not seeing what cheer brings to your childs world but dont get discouraged. children see who bends over backwards for them and who doesnt, i would see if there is any great dads on your daughters team and ask if they would possible talk to him when he is at cheer with your daughter. there are some amazing cheer dads out there. In the 8 yrs my cp has cheered i have had had a lot of conflict with the ex but i dont regret one second of them for all the happiness she has had. good luck

 

[idrive]

Has he actually watched a practice or attended a competition? When my daughter quit gymnastics to do all star cheer I was none too happy with my wife but 6 months later I had to pick her up as my wife was working late and I realized my perception of all star cheer was entirely wrong. After having both of my feet surgically removed from my mouth I began to warm up to it and now do my best not to miss a practice and have only missed one competition. I think some dads feel it is going to label them in a negative way. I have been pleasently surprised at the amount of dads at our current gym that are of a like mind and raising as myself. I didn't have sisters and actually poked some fun at the high school cheer girls which was what I thought all cheer was like. Man was I wrong! At the end of the day I support my kids in whatever they decide to do as long as it is morally sound and in our kids best interest.

 

[Just-a-Mom]

Oh gosh, your Legoland post hits home. My problem isn't my ex, it's his MOM. We've moved now, so she's a thousand miles away, but when we lived in VA she would do that to me EVERY SUNDAY. My daughter would spend a lot of weekends with her, and I would pick her up Sunday mornings to head off to practice. EVERY Sunday morning, she'd cry and say "But Nanny said I could go to Busch Gardens with her today...can't I miss practice?" I mean, come on--Busch Gardens??? Like you said, what 6/7 year old is going to say no to that??? So everyone would end up upset, because I always said "Nope. Nanny should've taken you yesterday when she had the chance." Drama.

So I really have no good advice for you (since I don't think "Move a thousand miles away" is actually advice...). Just someone who knows what you're going through. ***And I think I'm heading to UA to sign my girls up in the next couple weeks, so maybe we can sit together and gripe about exes?