All-Star Replacing Athletes With New Athletes...

[Sparkle Mom]

Regardless of how unacceptable a gym's behavior is, when a parent goes into this with eyes open, knowing that their child's gym has this reputation, and even leaves the gym and goes back to it, at what point does one stop blaming it all on the gym for how their child was treated when they turn out not to be that untouchable snowflake? It reminds me of the story of the scorpion and the frog. AesopFables.com - The Scorpion and the Frog - General Fable collection

@justpeachy I hope your daughter is doing well and that you will both come through this stronger, that she continues with her love of life and cheer, and that you find peace in your heart with it all.

I think even though it should be clear to anyone that returns to the same gym, the promises are often made and not followed by coaches or owners. It is crazy to think as a parent we could be blinded by the obvious truth. I don't know what it is about cheer that may allow us to set aside our best judgement from time to time.

 

[tojofasho]

thx.....I know there is a great program in AZ just can't think of the name.

Desert Storm is about ten miles north of downtown Phoenix in Scottsdale, and California Allstars' AZ location is like fifteen miles east in Mesa. Probably one of those?

 

[Sparkle Mom]

As a coach you are responsible for making the team successful at the end of the day this includes winning, as well as teaching them important but sometimes tougher life lessons. We have to teach them how to lose AND win graciously, we have to teach them accountability for themselves and others. I explain to my kids on a daily basis that everybody has a job, and every job is different for each person. When these kids become adults and they fail to perform in their professional life they won't have that role or job for too much longer.

Accountability is vital, even my 7 year olds eventually start to grasp the concept. "Karli why did you fall? Because I didn't replace my foot. Correct, what should you do differently for day 2? Replace." it's the same concept. She realized momentarily she didn't do her job and that resulted in a deduction.

I know this is mostly a parent driven forum so my post will be most likely be casted in a negative light and thats fine but we have to protect our 25 kids and sometimes that includes holding your child accountable for what they do or in this case don't do. This situation could've been handled much differently and probably should have but that isn't always an option especially when you have a total of 150 seconds to showcase what you and your athletes have been working for all season long.

I think the main point here is not accountability because most parents want their child held accountable. There is is no doubt athletes should be told what they can do to improve for the next time, it is the lack of communication. Needing to fix something from day one to day two is not the same as the getting told they are out of the routine at warm ups.

 

[cheerisherlife]

Does that mean a team at WSF was able to upgrade their At Large bid to Paid?

Cheer Updates said status unknown for what will happen with the WSF paid bid.

 

[SL&AM]

I think even though it should be clear to anyone that returns to the same gym, the promises are often made and not followed by coaches or owners. It is crazy to think as a parent we could be blinded by the obvious truth. I don't know what it is about cheer that may allow us to set aside our best judgement from time to time.

It's not just in cheer. If you look at the statistics of domestic abuse, it takes, on average, 7 times for the victim to leave and not go back. It's a cycle. And whether we agree or disagree with the ways this program is run, for this case and for this family, it sounds more abuse than just tough love. As human beings, we like familiarity and foundation---the longer you've been somewhere, the harder it is to leave even when your common sense and logic may try alerting you to something else. And again, not just cheer; it's life---school, work, friendships, marriages...etc.

 

[Pebbles49]

It's not just in cheer. If you look at the statistics of domestic abuse, it takes, on average, 7 times for the victim to leave and not go back. It's a cycle. And whether we agree or disagree with the ways this program is run, for this case and for this family, it sounds more abuse than just tough love. As human beings, we like familiarity and foundation---the longer you've been somewhere, the harder it is to stay even when your common sense and logic may try alerting you to something else. And again, not just cheer; it's life---school, work, friendships, marriages...etc.

I definitely agree 10,000% (if that's possible) with @SL&AM said, furthermore, someone earlier posted the number of gyms and their vicinity to big cities... I think, the perception might be to stay, if this is the only place close and your child is begging to be part of something "great".., (Only in the child's mind) of course, and plus, all their cheer friends are there too... Many people who stay are in denial too!

 

[CheerBank]

I think even though it should be clear to anyone that returns to the same gym, the promises are often made and not followed by coaches or owners. It is crazy to think as a parent we could be blinded by the obvious truth. I don't know what it is about cheer that may allow us to set aside our best judgement from time to time.

It's not just in cheer. If you look at the statistics of domestic abuse, it takes, on average, 7 times for the victim to leave and not go back. It's a cycle. And whether we agree or disagree with the ways this program is run, for this case and for this family, it sounds more abuse than just tough love. As human beings, we like familiarity and foundation---the longer you've been somewhere, the harder it is to stay even when your common sense and logic may try alerting you to something else. And again, not just cheer; it's life---school, work, friendships, marriages...etc.

I definitely agree 10,000% (if that's possible) with @SL&AM said, furthermore, someone earlier posted the number of gyms and their vicinity to big cities... I think, the perception might be to stay, if this is the only place close and your child is begging to be part of something "great".., (Only in the child's mind) of course, and plus, all their cheer friends are there too... Many people who stay are in denial too!

Battered cheer mom syndrome. We started using this term years ago after we left our first gym and couldn't fathom why people stayed (or returned).

 

[MissCongeniality]

Battered cheer mom syndrome. We started using this term years ago after we left our first gym and couldn't fathom why people stayed (or returned).

Because when you rip the IV out of your own arm... it is your child who bleeds :( We do so much as parents to keep our kids happy even when we know it isn't the "right" thing.

 

[justpeachy]

I definitely agree 10,000% (if that's possible) with @SL&AM said, furthermore, someone earlier posted the number of gyms and their vicinity to big cities... I think, the perception might be to stay, if this is the only place close and your child is begging to be part of something "great".., (Only in the child's mind) of course, and plus, all their cheerMany people who stay are in denial too!

Because when you rip the IV out of your own arm... it is your child who bleeds :( We do so much as parents to keep our kids happy even when we know it isn't the "right" thing.

Yep.

 

[MomMomMamaMom]

Yes


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I guess this may be just me, but in this statement you are essentially making the statement that your friend, and her child are not truthful. And I think that this makes a really good case for why its unprofessional to have team moms involved on this level. I don't know either of you, nor do I know the details of either of your relationships with each other, or with the program. And I guess I don't know what qualifications you must have to be designated as a team mom, However, I would be extremely uncomfortable with a parent making such claims about me, or my child... even more so knowing that it was likely to be legitimized by way of their connections to the coaches. Sounds like a set up for a toxic environment to me.

 

[justpeachy]

It has been three years since this conversation, and given today’s events in cheerleading, I would like to revisit the topic of my daughter’s abuse.

While I am sure this post is merely a memory to most of you, it is still a part of our everyday lives. My 16 year old child carries diagnoses of Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My husband is a combat veteran and retired Army Ranger who is 100% disabled with PTSD, so understand that I do not make that claim lightly. My daughter still suffers from panic attacks at cheer practice and thoughts of self hatred due to the seeds that were planted in her at such a young age by her cheerleading coach, whom she wanted the approval of so very much. Her nightmares still occur, more frequently during times of stress, monthly at best.

Yes, she is getting the appropriate help and has been doing so. She is a fighter and I will fight for her until my last breath. We will beat this thing eventually. I hope that she is healthy enough to go off to college on her own when the time comes. At this time, she is not well enough to attend public school or participate in cheerleading.

This is very private information and I fought myself hard over whether to share it or not. I know that many of you will simply gossip about my daughter and not truly care about her pain and that causes me a great deal of anxiety. Ultimately, that character flaw is your problem to deal with. I have decided to dig up this conversation and share this new information because it is important to realize that the abuse kids deal with by coaches has a profound, lasting effect. The bad feelings simply do not go away when you move away or find a better gym. The seeds that these destructive adults plant in kids grow. When a child is hurt by a trusted adult, they are changed forever. Even when the hurt is “only” verbal.

My funny, smart, artistic, kind, and athletically talented child believes with her whole heart that this world would be a better place without her, all thanks to an adult who professes to be “all about the love”. Her story is far from the first, and far from the last to come out of that place. Yet I still walked away from sharing her experience feeling like a great many people did not believe me, or blamed me for her coach’s behavior. Why is that? I’d love to know what we stood to gain by my sharing that experience here. Whatever we might possibly have gained has surely been overshadowed by the monumental loss of my child’s happiness.

When I first posted her story here, many of you shared your support, and a few were upset with me for sharing the truth. Later, we were blamed for things that happened on Twitter that we had nothing to do with. My daughter was relentlessly bullied by current and former athletes, adult coaches, fans, parents, and anonymous accounts. We received threats of physical harm and threats that our house would be burned down. We were excluded from social groups and activities. We lost friends. We were openly mocked on social media and in public at competitions. It was so pervasive that her new team would form a group around her when walking to and from warmups to shield her. It has not stopped and I don’t think that it will stop. I let that shut me up before. I will not be shut up now.

Lastly, the team mom that replied to my post is also no longer with the gym. I hesitated before to share the screenshots of our conversations, because she had been one of my closest friends. I still care about her, however I have no hesitation to share now, should anyone doubt the validity of my story.

I urge anyone here who has been through a similar situation to speak up as well. This is not going to stop until we make it stop.

Editing just in case anyone is unclear: My daughter was NOT mistreated at Stingrays. Stingrays is a GREAT place for kids. :)

 

[Keep_Believing]

@justpeachy The boards are not as active as they use to be.

Cheer is a competitive sport. In my personal opinion, if the gym is upfront that athletes will be replaced when they lose skills, have mental blocks, or can't perform the needed skills then it is appropriate for the gym to replace athletes. With that said Coaches should never be mentally abusive. That is wrong. I am sorry for the pain your daughter has and goes through. I pray she finds healing and joy.

 

[justpeachy]

@justpeachy
Cheer is a competitive sport. In my personal opinion, if the gym is upfront that athletes will be replaced when they lose skills, have mental blocks, or can't perform the needed skills then it is appropriate for the gym to replace athletes.

I agree. There's a right and a wrong way to do that. That's the key here.

 

[Lisa Seye]

It has been three years since this conversation, and given today’s events in cheerleading, I would like to revisit the topic of my daughter’s abuse.

While I am sure this post is merely a memory to most of you, it is still a part of our everyday lives. My 16 year old child carries diagnoses of Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My husband is a combat veteran and retired Army Ranger who is 100% disabled with PTSD, so understand that I do not make that claim lightly. My daughter still suffers from panic attacks at cheer practice and thoughts of self hatred due to the seeds that were planted in her at such a young age by her cheerleading coach, whom she wanted the approval of so very much. Her nightmares still occur, more frequently during times of stress, monthly at best. There have been three suicide attempts, one recently.

Yes, she is getting the appropriate help and has been doing so. She is a fighter and I will fight for her until my last breath. We will beat this thing eventually. I hope that she is healthy enough to go off to college on her own when the time comes. At this time, she is not well enough to attend public school or participate in cheerleading.

This is very private information and I fought myself hard over whether to share it or not. I know that many of you will simply gossip about my daughter and not truly care about her pain and that causes me a great deal of anxiety. Ultimately, that character flaw is your problem to deal with. I have decided to dig up this conversation and share this new information because it is important to realize that the abuse kids deal with by coaches has a profound, lasting effect. The bad feelings simply do not go away when you move away or find a better gym. The seeds that these destructive adults plant in kids grow. When a child is hurt by a trusted adult, they are changed forever. Even when the hurt is “only” verbal.

My funny, smart, artistic, kind, and athletically talented child believes with her whole heart that this world would be a better place without her, all thanks to an adult who professes to be “all about the love”. Her story is far from the first, and far from the last to come out of that place. Yet I still walked away from sharing her experience feeling like a great many people did not believe me, or blamed me for her coach’s behavior. Why is that? I’d love to know what we stood to gain by my sharing that experience here. Whatever we might possibly have gained has surely been overshadowed by the monumental loss of my child’s happiness.

When I first posted her story here, many of you shared your support, and a few were upset with me for sharing the truth. Later, we were blamed for things that happened on Twitter that we had nothing to do with. My daughter was relentlessly bullied by current and former athletes, adult coaches, fans, parents, and anonymous accounts. We received threats of physical harm and threats that our house would be burned down. We were excluded from social groups and activities. We lost friends. We were openly mocked on social media and in public at competitions. It was so pervasive that her new team would form a group around her when walking to and from warmups to shield her. It has not stopped and I don’t think that it will stop. I let that shut me up before. I will not be shut up now.

Lastly, the team mom that replied to my post is also no longer with the gym. I hesitated before to share the screenshots of our conversations, because she had been one of my closest friends. I still care about her, however I have no hesitation to share now, should anyone doubt the validity of my story.

I urge anyone here who has been through a similar situation to speak up as well. This is not going to stop until we make it stop.

Editing just in case anyone is unclear: My daughter was NOT mistreated at Stingrays. Stingrays is a GREAT place for kids. :)

Many hugs and prayers momma

 

[catlady]

It has been three years since this conversation, and given today’s events in cheerleading, I would like to revisit the topic of my daughter’s abuse.

While I am sure this post is merely a memory to most of you, it is still a part of our everyday lives. My 16 year old child carries diagnoses of Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My husband is a combat veteran and retired Army Ranger who is 100% disabled with PTSD, so understand that I do not make that claim lightly. My daughter still suffers from panic attacks at cheer practice and thoughts of self hatred due to the seeds that were planted in her at such a young age by her cheerleading coach, whom she wanted the approval of so very much. Her nightmares still occur, more frequently during times of stress, monthly at best. There have been three suicide attempts, one recently.

Yes, she is getting the appropriate help and has been doing so. She is a fighter and I will fight for her until my last breath. We will beat this thing eventually. I hope that she is healthy enough to go off to college on her own when the time comes. At this time, she is not well enough to attend public school or participate in cheerleading.

This is very private information and I fought myself hard over whether to share it or not. I know that many of you will simply gossip about my daughter and not truly care about her pain and that causes me a great deal of anxiety. Ultimately, that character flaw is your problem to deal with. I have decided to dig up this conversation and share this new information because it is important to realize that the abuse kids deal with by coaches has a profound, lasting effect. The bad feelings simply do not go away when you move away or find a better gym. The seeds that these destructive adults plant in kids grow. When a child is hurt by a trusted adult, they are changed forever. Even when the hurt is “only” verbal.

My funny, smart, artistic, kind, and athletically talented child believes with her whole heart that this world would be a better place without her, all thanks to an adult who professes to be “all about the love”. Her story is far from the first, and far from the last to come out of that place. Yet I still walked away from sharing her experience feeling like a great many people did not believe me, or blamed me for her coach’s behavior. Why is that? I’d love to know what we stood to gain by my sharing that experience here. Whatever we might possibly have gained has surely been overshadowed by the monumental loss of my child’s happiness.

When I first posted her story here, many of you shared your support, and a few were upset with me for sharing the truth. Later, we were blamed for things that happened on Twitter that we had nothing to do with. My daughter was relentlessly bullied by current and former athletes, adult coaches, fans, parents, and anonymous accounts. We received threats of physical harm and threats that our house would be burned down. We were excluded from social groups and activities. We lost friends. We were openly mocked on social media and in public at competitions. It was so pervasive that her new team would form a group around her when walking to and from warmups to shield her. It has not stopped and I don’t think that it will stop. I let that shut me up before. I will not be shut up now.

Lastly, the team mom that replied to my post is also no longer with the gym. I hesitated before to share the screenshots of our conversations, because she had been one of my closest friends. I still care about her, however I have no hesitation to share now, should anyone doubt the validity of my story.

I urge anyone here who has been through a similar situation to speak up as well. This is not going to stop until we make it stop.

Editing just in case anyone is unclear: My daughter was NOT mistreated at Stingrays. Stingrays is a GREAT place for kids. :)

My heart aches for your family.

For anyone that isn't familiar with her back story, @justpeachy has never stated her child deserved to stay on a team, 100% realizes this is a competitive sport, and also realizes there are benefits of taking stress off of a child that has a mental block. What she spoke out against was a coach that used humiliation and fear tactics to try to scare away the mental block and/or get her child to quit. She spoke out about coaches, parents and kids cutting ties, taking sides, and being vocal when there's absolutely no reason or justification for it. A decent coach knows that mental blocks and other stress related issues are not about defiance and talks to their athlete and parents privately and offers options. Lastly, there is never a time where it is appropriate for a team rep to communicate athlete performance, decisions concerning team status or defend a coach decision with you.