College Rumors, hearsay & toxic behaviors outside practice

[ValentineB]

I coach D3. The majority of my team are sophomores and the season has just started. I run a strict practice and have not seen any concerning behaviors among my team. No rude or demeaning words & no superiority or power trips. However, I am hearing rumors about toxic behavior regarding teammates outside of practice. I have had multiple meetings one-on-one and in small groups to facilitate conversations and emphasize my behavior expectations. This seems to give short-term results because within a couple weeks I am hearing of new toxic behaviors. How do other coaches address this and put it to rest in the long term?

 

[Coach P]

I actually logged in today because I was hoping to read responses to this post. I am a high school coach and we deal with this also. But I assumed it was immaturity/age of our girls fueling this. Still going in in college? That's tough. Especially if you don't see it in your practices.

 

[ValentineB]

I actually logged in today because I was hoping to read responses to this post. I am a high school coach and we deal with this also. But I assumed it was immaturity/age of our girls fueling this. Still going in in college? That's tough. Especially if you don't see it in your practices.

I didn't expect this either. I've never seen anything like it. I've coached middle schoolers with less problems

 

[Coach P]

I have to say - I am still surprised at the number of athletes in high school the last few years who lack grit. I don't think sports are Everything, but how can you get through youth cheer for several years and then come to high school expecting it to be easier? Or expect a bad attitude to be something that coaches overlook? WILD!
Dealing with toxic behavior on our teams, I don't think this is something a coach can or should attempt to solve entirely. Do football coaches manage interpersonal relationships on their teams? Probably not. Ideally, athletes leave all that at the door and focus solely on the task at hand. I know there is a huge trust element in cheer/stunting. Maybe all we can do is reprimand and reward what we see in those few hours a day that we have them right in front of us. Perhaps that will naturally weed out those determined to cause problems.
I'm not sure this is the answer - just talking it through.

 

[catlady]

I have to say - I am still surprised at the number of athletes in high school the last few years who lack grit. I don't think sports are Everything, but how can you get through youth cheer for several years and then come to high school expecting it to be easier? Or expect a bad attitude to be something that coaches overlook? WILD!
Dealing with toxic behavior on our teams, I don't think this is something a coach can or should attempt to solve entirely. Do football coaches manage interpersonal relationships on their teams? Probably not. Ideally, athletes leave all that at the door and focus solely on the task at hand. I know there is a huge trust element in cheer/stunting. Maybe all we can do is reprimand and reward what we see in those few hours a day that we have them right in front of us. Perhaps that will naturally weed out those determined to cause problems.
I'm not sure this is the answer - just talking it through.

Yesterday, I was asked to sub in a HS class last minute. It was Social Studies class and I didn't have a lesson plan so, I decided to have a social media question and answer class. The majority of each class could tell me the most popular influencers, most popular videos at the moment, and what their friends were watching and how their FYP varied from theirs. Every single class had someone tell me, they feel like they're missing out on the next big topic if they aren't on SM.

They all said, having extreme opinions or comments is what gets likes and comments, and for many, that's the goal. When I asked if they thought it was toxic to society to be so extreme, many of them said casually, it's just a means to get popular. When I brought up respect for others, many said it goes both ways and not everyone deserves it. They, also said, it's much easier to be mean to someone on their phone vs in person. I asked if I deserved respect, and they said "yes, you're being respectful" but, obviously I was asking for their opinion the entire class.

I don't have answers either, but I chose this topic solely because I knew it would hold their attention and I do think we need to talk about it more. As SM has gained popularity we have seen how extreme views and violence have changed our kids, and adults, and people are becoming numb to it. Again, I have no answers, except to keep talking and provide consequences.

 

[mamamarcie]

I coach D3. The majority of my team are sophomores and the season has just started. I run a strict practice and have not seen any concerning behaviors among my team. No rude or demeaning words & no superiority or power trips. However, I am hearing rumors about toxic behavior regarding teammates outside of practice. I have had multiple meetings one-on-one and in small groups to facilitate conversations and emphasize my behavior expectations. This seems to give short-term results because within a couple weeks I am hearing of new toxic behaviors. How do other coaches address this and put it to rest in the long term?

I have never coached any teams beyond middle school (which can be it's own 3-act dramedy); however, if you have a signed Code of Conduct/behavior contracts with each of your student athletes and you have indisputable proof to support violations of that contract, I would use this four-pronged approach:

1. 1:1 Meeting: address situation head-on with reminders of consequence of future violations
2. 1:1 Meeting: Benching (dress in uniform, but no cheering on floor) with reminders of consequences of future violations
3. 1:1 Meeting: Suspension (can be attendance, but not in uniform) with reminders of consequences of future violations
4. 1:1 Meeting: Expulsion (removed from the program) with reminder they are not eligible for tryouts for the remainder of their college/university career.

Put everything in writing and have athlete sign off on each violation report. Provide student with hard copy and send digital copy to student's email. Keep original hard copy and digital file for future reference. This is vital because it protects you and your program. I would also send copies to your institution's athletic director.

I hope this helps. Good luck, and I hope your season gets better! Peace.