All-Star Unhappy Cheerleader, Any Advice?

[cheerific]

My daughter is unhappy at her gym. She says no one talks to her and wants to be around her on her team. I do notice at practice that she is always alone. She is a little shy but talented and is on level 5 at 12 years old. I don't want to take her out of cheer for social reasons but I don't want to see her rejected all the time. She hasn't done anything mean to anyone and I don't understand why this is happening. Is it mean girl syndrome. Any advice?

 

[BowsnBling]

Hmmm, to be honest, without being out on the floor with her you never know what is going on at practice. In my coaching experience I have seen one side of a story and then have heard that the parties involved tell their parents something totally different.

Is it possible that these girls are a little older and are talking about things she is not into?

 

[cheerheart4life]

Does she have other girls her age on the team? Even if she is one of the youngest, the girls should talk to her.

 

[cheerific]

There are a couple girls her age but they won't talk to her either.

 

[Keep_Believing]

Have you asked your Coach what they think or advise? Many times they have good insight into these kind of things.

 

[cheerific]

Hmmm, to be honest, without being out on the floor with her you never know what is going on at practice. In my coaching experience I have seen one side of a story and then have heard that the parties involved tell their parents something totally different.

Is it possible that these girls are a little older and are talking about things she is not into?

It is possible but she is a little shy but I still don't think that is a reason to ignore a fellow team member.

 

[cheerific]

Have you asked your Coach what they think or advise? Many times they have good insight into these kind of things.

I did talk with the coach and he said maybe one of the older girls could help her. We are willing to try and hope it helps. The gym itself is pretty cliqueing not only with the cheerleaders but also with the moms. We are somewhat new to it and learning as we go.

 

[redcheer14]

Is she new there? If she is maybe you could give it some time to see if she makes friends or talk to the coach and ask him/her to make a general reminder to the team to be nice and include everyone :)

 

[armycheermom]

We move a lot, so my cp is constantly having to make new bonds with teams. Something that worked for my daughter, was for us to throw a sleepover with the entire team. We thrown them at the house, condos and the best one she had, was when we rented out the gym. The girls had a blast and loved playing around, plus they got to bond without the pressures of practice.

 

[cheerheart4life]

I did talk with the coach and he said maybe one of the older girls could help her. We are willing to try and hope it helps. The gym itself is pretty cliqueing not only with the cheerleaders but also with the moms. We are somewhat new to it and learning as we go.

that's a great idea! If he gets one of the older girls who are leaders to include her more than maybe the others will follow suit! Hope it works out (: just tell you CP to stay positive and try and talk to everyone!

 

[MissBee]

Although 12 year olds may have the skills to be on a Senior 5 team, that doesn't mean it's the most appropriate placement for them. There is a vast difference between 12 years old and 18 years old. I have a 12 year old and a 17 year old. When the 17 year old has his friends over at the house the 12 year old doesn't hang out with them. Why? Because they are 5 years apart and don't have much in common. It's the same on the team. The older girls are going to want to talk to and hang out with the girls their age. They have the same interests and experiences.

Also the older girls may be talking about things that aren't appropriate for your 12 year old, and that's what they're avoiding her. I know when I was in high school we all talked about our relationships and that's not always 12 year old appropriate.

Maybe a Junior team would be a more appropriate placement for her.

 

[CheerBank]

Kudos to your cp for making a senior level 5 at age 12! I agree with MissBee about the huge difference between 12 year olds and 17-18 year olds. We had two girls this past year make the senior 4 team when they were just 12. One got along great with all the older girls because they treated her like their little pet while the other one spent much of her time alone since most of her peers were on a different team, and she seemed very lonely especially at competitions. I would try to encourage friendships between your cp and the ones closest in age to her, but as I'm sure you know at that age you can't force friendships. Let her focus on her skills at cheer and maintaining her friendships with her non-cheer peers so that she still has that social aspect in her life even if right now it's not at the cheer gym.

 

[Supermom]

I didn't see sr. Is she on jr-5 or s-5? My daughter is 11 and on the jr-5 squad. I find that the girls who have the talent and confidence to make the level 5 squads are usually very outgoing and social. Problem being that they get so wrapped up in "their" friends that if a new girl doesn't really force herself to join in she could just accidently be left out. Not saying it's right but they are immature at that age and it may just take some time. I would definitively see if the coach can do some team building exercises/games at practice.

 

[MomMomMamaMom]

You don't say how new to the gym, but i have found that sometimes bonds strengthen when kids compete together....

 

[cheermom264]

My cp was in the same situation, she wasn’t on a level 5 team, but she is shy and we joined a new gym, so she didn’t know anyone. In the beginning it was hard for her to speak up and it looked like no one was talking to her and she was always alone. Being the mother bear that I am, my first instinct was to protect my cp, so I talked to her coaches, it turned out that she was being shy and no one was not talking to her on purpose. It was the beginning of the season and everyone was nervous and so focused on getting their skills or maintaining their skills that no one even noticed that no one was talking to her (I hope this makes sense) and she was so shy that she really wasn’t making much effort. My advice is to just give it a little time, in my experience and I’ve been doing this for 22 years, it always takes the kids some time to warm up to each other, but by the time they start competing, you won’t be able to tear her from the gym or her team.