All-Star Unhappy Cheerleader, Any Advice?

[KikiD22]

We're dealing with some of the same this season. Not level 5, but my 7-year-old CP is on a Junior 1 team this season. To make matters complicated, this is her 4th season but the first that she hasn't really been with the same group of girls (they're almost all on Youth 2) and on this Junior 1 team, only she and one other girl are not carry-overs from last season. Now, my CP is far from shy (@Just-a-Mom can attest to that), and skills-wise/experience-wise, she's actually the veteran on the team. It's not just that she's being excluded, but she's also being picked on by some of the older girls as well. I've brought it to the attention of the coaches, because of some of the name-calling happening, but we're still going to give the fitting in issue some more time to see if the issue resolves itself. There is almost a 6-year age difference between her and other girls on the team, so a divide is to be expected. I'm just hoping that as we get further along in the season, the girls will bond a little more. So, that's what I would recommend, just give it a little more time. The season is early.

 

[TheVipersMom]

I think if a girl is shy fitting in to a new team or a team with different aged girls would be rather difficult.

Maybe it's just the personalities but my daughter is really out going but I hate to say this but she is also what I call a suck up, lol.

I think she is better friends with older girls then her own age. She friends them on facebook and tells them they are pretty and they have swag so instead of pushing her away they gravitate towards her and take pics with her at practice. Last year they got to play a game with the senior 4 girls, 4 or 5 sr aged girls were fighting over who got my 6 year old daughter Jaylen is their partner. One girl decided she wasn't playing the game at all since she didn't get to be Jaylens partner. So I think the kid has to put in the effort. Most of them wouldn't have approached Jaylen or told her how "cute" she was if she didn't make the effort first. There was plenty of cute little 6 and 7 year olds at our gym that were not treated the same way. We also changed gyms and states this year and not only has my daughter had no problem fitting in with her older teammates she also is so outgoing that she is friends with half the girls on the older and higher level teams.


I really hate that your daughter feels that way and I'm so hoping that the older girl idea works out for her! It's a great opportunity and it sounds amazing. I really hope she begins to enjoy it. It will all come in time!

 

[cheerific]

Although 12 year olds may have the skills to be on a Senior 5 team, that doesn't mean it's the most appropriate placement for them. There is a vast difference between 12 years old and 18 years old. I have a 12 year old and a 17 year old. When the 17 year old has his friends over at the house the 12 year old doesn't hang out with them. Why? Because they are 5 years apart and don't have much in common. It's the same on the team. The older girls are going to want to talk to and hang out with the girls their age. They have the same interests and experiences.

Also the older girls may be talking about things that aren't appropriate for your 12 year old, and that's what they're avoiding her. I know when I was in high school we all talked about our relationships and that's not always 12 year old appropriate.

Maybe a Junior team would be a more appropriate placement for her.

She is on a Senior 5 team this year. I do think that the age difference plays a role in this but she usually feels comfortable around older girls. She is the youngest with two older siblings in college. Thanks, it is a good point and something to talk about with my cp.

 

[cheerific]

I didn't see sr. Is she on jr-5 or s-5? My daughter is 11 and on the jr-5 squad. I find that the girls who have the talent and confidence to make the level 5 squads are usually very outgoing and social. Problem being that they get so wrapped up in "their" friends that if a new girl doesn't really force herself to join in she could just accidently be left out. Not saying it's right but they are immature at that age and it may just take some time. I would definitively see if the coach can do some team building exercises/games at practice.

I really agree with that. Most of the girls at this level do have that type of personality and my cp doesn't. Although, athletically she is confident, socially...not so much. I asked her if she felt included and had a few friends on the team would she want to cheer and she said...YES:) So i would hate for her to quit over this and miss out on what could have been. Thank you for all the wonderful suggestions and support. It means so much to me. As a momma bear I do want to protect my baby but I need to approach it in the right way or it could make things worse.

 

[bellalexi]

Aww, I'm sorry you're both going through this right now. I definitely know how much it hurts when your child experiences something like this. I say this as a parent of a shy child and a shy person myself. My cp is a social butterfly, but her sister, who is a year older, is very shy and a little socially awkward. I think things will get better for her with time. Right now, there hasn't been much bonding, so she's just another body on the team. I'm sure her shyness and the age differences are contributing greatly to the situation. I know with my daughter, I always pray there will be that one outgoing kid who will strike up a conversation and include her. Sometimes it happens, other times she's a "loner" for awhile. Encourage her to hang in there. This is not a reason to quit. Hopefully the team will have some kind of bonding activity and she may have to step outside her comfort zone and at least try to talk to some of the girls closer to her age. Once they start competing, I'm sure they'll bond even more. She may not make any new BFF's on this team, but hopefully she'll have fun just because she's doing what she loves. My cp's first year of cheer, she was a 9 year old on a senior team (I had no idea how things worked). She obviously didn't hang out with any of her teammates, but had a blast just performing and competing that season. Does your daughter know any other girls on the other teams? Mine tends to hang out with friends from other teams more than her own. Good luck, it WILL work out!

 

[megan:)]

Maybe its just that this team has alot of cliques, and those girls aren't trying to be mean on purpose, they just only wanna talk to and be with people in their "group" Since she is shy, they might not even be noticing her. Maybe just try having her get to know some of the girls better by talking to some of the other moms and try to set up a sleepover or something. Maybe you could get everyone together and do some team bonding. Last year, I was a bit of a loner at first cause I was new to the gym and I didn't know anyone. For me, it really just took some time. Once she is in her stunt group that she will have for the whole season, then I'm sure that she will get to know the girls in it. It will all work out and I'm sure she'll have a great season with her team!

 

[Deleted member 1556]

Maybe you could organize a team dinner? Just something simple, like a BBQ at your house. If CP is on her own turf, she'll feel more confident, and will probably open up more.

 

[cheerific]

Thank you for all the support and great ideas. I know it might sound crazy for a shy and socially awkward kid to be cheerleading. This is her second year cheering and last year during competitions she did great! When she is on stage she is like a different person and can follow the routine and smile. It is so great to see this side of her and it fills her with confidence. She is a natural athlete but not a social butterfly. Need to get these two worlds working better together so she can enjoy the sport fully and without so much anxiety.