All-Star Confession: I've Become That Mom

[acecheermom]

Ok my daughter is 13 and we've only done Allstar cheer for 4 years. I've seen how crazy some parents get and the lengths they are willing to go to push their kids. I always said that will "never" be me.

So confession time I've become that mom. My daughter is on a R5 team. She's had her full off and on for 2 years. She finally was rock solid with it for like 6 months and then in January her coach put her full in the routine. She then became afraid she'd throw it and mess up the routine. Her solution she just quit throwing it all together.

I've been so frustrated with it. She was upset about it. Just at a loss.

Well she's been asking for a cell phone for about 2 years, specifically an IPhone of course. My husband and I had been discussing when the appropriate time would be to get it for her. Our oldest got one Christmas of 9th grade so we felt the time was definitely coming.

Fast Forward to tonight. We are practicing for their last competition of the season. Coach is asking if she's going to throw the full during tumbling she's waffling back and forth. Before I even realized what I was doing I found myself being that mom and saying "Okay if you throw that full at comp this weekend I will buy your IPhone".

My immediate reaction was Oh no I'm now THAT cheer mom.

BUT she went back out to tumbling threw fulls for the last 30 minutes and then threw it during the routine at practice and stayed after to throw it a couple more times to be sure.

So I guess I've joined that club but it worked!

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

Glad she threw it. Hopefully she STAYS throwing it consistently!

Quite a few kids will throw for the phone/Uggs/etc. but lose it after for a number of reasons. (Not necessarily for lack of motivation because they already have the phone or other thing - but that happens too.)

There are kids who will see no point in doing it because they already have that item, but only you know your kid.

 

[acecheermom]

Yes here's hoping. I think if she really does throw it at comp and hits it fine she will be fine. She's a weird kid. Her issues don't come from lack of motivation, or fear of the skill. They always tend to come when the new skill is put in a routine. She's so afraid of making a mistake and letting her team down. She is very hard on herself and a complete perfectionist. Of course also doesn't help she's the youngest on her team, she makes that added pressure to live up to the older kids.

 

[Beans100]

It's alright. My mom wasn't a crazy cheer mom and she bribed me a few times when I had mental blocks. I was paid 100$ to throw a back tuck when I had a block. I think she just hated seeing me so frustrated with tumbling that she was looking for a way to make me feel better.

 

[Flexiii_Lexiii]

My mental block was so bad that bribes didn't even work

 

[mamabear]

My daughter finally threw her roundoff BHS after years of working on it. As we were driving home, she said. "mama, remember what you promised me when I finally got my handspring?" I started to panic, it has been three years...for all I knew, I probably offered her a car and puppy at some point. I was never so relieved when she said, "an icecream sundae"

so yes...we have all been there! I hope your cp's confidence grows and she keeps it. Good luck at the comp!

 

[Cheerhastakenovermylife]

My daughter finally threw her roundoff BHS after years of working on it. As we were driving home, she said. "mama, remember what you promised me when I finally got my handspring?" I started to panic, it has been three years...for all I knew, I probably offered her a car and puppy at some point. I was never so relieved when she said, "an icecream sundae"

so yes...we have all been there! I hope your cp's confidence grows and she keeps it. Good luck at the comp!

I'll have to remember the ice cream sundae bribe if I ever try to bribe my cp.

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[CheerBank]

@acecheermom I'm so glad she threw it - it is such a mental skill! And the more she throws it, the more second nature it will be and she will get to the point where she won't even think of not throwing it. Putting this out there though - if she doesn't throw it this weekend at the competition (because that is what you told her) - will you take it away?

 

[f5forever]

Don't feel bad!! She had the skill (and solid enough for the coach to put it in the routinei), it's not that you were pushing/bribing her to do a skill she wasn't ready for; THAT MOM is the one you don't want to be. Safety first, she had the skill, you just motivated her to continue to throw it. Great job in my opinion!!!


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[acecheermom]

My mental block was so bad that bribes didn't even work

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard that is on you kids.

@acecheermom I'm so glad she threw it - it is such a mental skill! And the more she throws it, the more second nature it will be and she will get to the point where she won't even think of not throwing it. Putting this out there though - if she doesn't throw it this weekend at the competition (because that is what you told her) - will you take it away?

Well she hasn't gotten it yet. LOL Because the whole deal was for her to suck it up and throw it at comp. She has continued to throw them in her tumbling class off and on since he put it in so not like she completely wouldn't do it. But to answer, yeah if she doesn't do it this weekend then No I'm not getting her the phone, Yet. She'll get it eventually but probably Christmas or something.

 

[ErinS]

I positively reinforce my niece with ice cream and money to get her to throw skills. She's 10.

My sister would never do that,
Just because she honestly doesn't care about tumbling


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[Pebbles49]

@acecheermom, when I read your post, tbh, I did not equate you promising to give your daughter an IPhone any differently as me promising my daughter an IPhone for making the honor roll in school. Imo, you become THAT MOM when you want your child to compete feats that they are not ready to compete or capable of doing, even over the objections of tumbling instructors and/or coaches... I think in your case, you are helping to boost your daughter's confidence in herself, but I wonder, if she doesn't complete the full in competition, I will ask the coach, what will happen if she does a beautiful layout? I noticed that many athletes given the option, take that pressure off them and will go for it...Especially, had she gotten that tumbling pass early in the season...

PS: psst, I really would not consider you THAT MOM!

 

[newbiemom]

My daughter finally threw her roundoff BHS after years of working on it. As we were driving home, she said. "mama, remember what you promised me when I finally got my handspring?" I started to panic, it has been three years...for all I knew, I probably offered her a car and puppy at some point. I was never so relieved when she said, "an icecream sundae"

I've done this same thing... on the way home my CP has said, remember what you said I could have if I threw.... blank. It started as a joke, when she was still working on bhs she asked me one day if she could have something random if she could do it and I was like, no - but you can when you can do a standing three. Thinking it was long enough away that she would forget. She remembered. But it was something small and random. Although, after a particularly good private or class she will say, since I did so good can we stop for ice cream. To which, I always reply, no but we can stop because you worked so hard and are all hot and sweaty.

 

[MomMomMamaMom]

I have seen so many kids do this exact thing this year. Especially youngish kids, who've had good solid tumbling, who were super excited to be put on higher level teams, but suddenly won't throw them. I've seen some pretty outrageous bribes, and a phone you were going to get anyway doesn't seem outrageous me. I much prefer the parents who bribe over those who punish for not throwing the skill. I think it's entirely possible to frame it in such a way that when you do give her the phone you tell her how you are rewarding her perseverance in keeping trying despite her block and that this shows you how she's grown, which you see as evidence of her being responsible enough to have the phone.

 

[Teacher Mom]

Mental blocks suck. They are frustrating for everyone involved. As a parent you KNOW your child can do XYZ and the longer they put it off, the worse the mental block gets.
My daughter currently has one with her standing full, which she can do beautifully with straight legs. She has thrown it in routines over the past 2 years. She just stopped doing it. Last season her coaches yelled at her, threatened to pull her, made her do it over and over again till she got it (with lots of landing on the knees). This season her coach thinks they look ugly and they do more difficult standing tumbling so she doesn't have to do it.
I don't know which approach is better and I wonder if she will ever throw a standing full again. I think she should just so she knows she can do anything she sets her mind to but I'm not going to push it. If she needed an iPhone I'd probably do exactly what you did just to prove the point that she is in control of her mind and can do whatever she want to, if that makes sense.