All-Star Confession: I've Become That Mom

[MomMomMamaMom]

I work with a lot of perfectionists. I totally get it. They want it to be just right every time. But one of the best life skills they can learn from THIS sport is how to stay cool when it's not just right...when your grip on the foot isn't just right but you fight to keep it up. Or to react quickly when that crazy thing in the pyramid just happened, or how to keep going (and to keep smiling while you do it) after a fall.
And my favorite...how to fall down 7 times and stand up 8.


Or in the case of all star cheer, fall down 7,777 times and stand up 7,778 [emoji41]


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That's a really nice way to put what goes on on that floor!

 

[ImALiLRebL]

Ok my daughter is 13 and we've only done Allstar cheer for 4 years. I've seen how crazy some parents get and the lengths they are willing to go to push their kids. I always said that will "never" be me.

So confession time I've become that mom. My daughter is on a R5 team. She's had her full off and on for 2 years. She finally was rock solid with it for like 6 months and then in January her coach put her full in the routine. She then became afraid she'd throw it and mess up the routine. Her solution she just quit throwing it all together.

I've been so frustrated with it. She was upset about it. Just at a loss.

Well she's been asking for a cell phone for about 2 years, specifically an IPhone of course. My husband and I had been discussing when the appropriate time would be to get it for her. Our oldest got one Christmas of 9th grade so we felt the time was definitely coming.

Fast Forward to tonight. We are practicing for their last competition of the season. Coach is asking if she's going to throw the full during tumbling she's waffling back and forth. Before I even realized what I was doing I found myself being that mom and saying "Okay if you throw that full at comp this weekend I will buy your IPhone".

My immediate reaction was Oh no I'm now THAT cheer mom.

BUT she went back out to tumbling threw fulls for the last 30 minutes and then threw it during the routine at practice and stayed after to throw it a couple more times to be sure.

So I guess I've joined that club but it worked!

LoL!! That doesn't make you "that mom". That makes you smart. Smart moms know that we bribe our children to do what we know they are capable of doing...LMBO!!
In my opinion, "That mom" is the one living her dreams through her kids & in doing so forces the child into doing something that they are not passionate about or can't do. "That mom" is never satisfied with her child's placement, skill level or performance. You are Simply rewarding your child for doing what she & you already know she can do! There, you are no longer "That mom!" LoL!! ;-)

 

[ACEDAD]

Confession: I only read this thread because it was started by an @acecheermom and because @cupieqt posted as well.


**A cheer year and a dog year ages you the same.**

 

[cupieqt]

Confession: I only read this thread because it was started by an @acecheermom and because @cupieqt posted as well.


**A cheer year and a dog year ages you the same.**

 

[acecheermom]

Confession: I only read this thread because it was started by an @acecheermom and because @cupieqt posted as well.


**A cheer year and a dog year ages you the same.**

We love our Ace cheer!!!

 

[Tealxblack25]

I stayed away from this thread, but then realized I became THAT aunt.. I was trying to take pictures of my neice for my new etsy shop and shes 7 and was getting antsy.. was sick of me messing with her hair.. I bribed her with a toy .. and off she went back downstairs into my makeshift studio -- honeslty, a bribe is a bribe lol I dont regret it one bit because my pictures came out beautiful and Im happy shes happy its a win win !

 

[queenie]

I've done it too after saying I never would. My cp had a regressive tumbling block this year and after spending so much money on privates to help get it back, I caved and said that I would buy her the new American Girl doll when her tumbling got back to the where it was at the beginning of the season. I figured buying her that darn doll would be cheaper than all the money I was spending on tumbling! When she finally got there, she came out of the gym and announced that I needed to buy Lia for her now that she has her tumbling back and I was embarrassed because she said it in front of a bench full of people! But hey - it gave her motivation and a tangible goal to work towards.

 

[StephlCurry]

I just offered my daughter $100 to throw her tuck. She has the skill but just has a mental block.

Yep, totally that mom. If it makes it better, she is a poor college student so I am hoping that the money is motivating.

 

[cheerisloving]

Random thought. But if your child is a borderline athlete and the coach is waiting to see if they are going to throw the skill to determine where the are placed for the next season.Is that caveat the same as bribe? You're essentially pushing the athlete to throw the skill so they can get something they want. And when the athlete is ready for it, I think it's healthy.

 

[MomMomMamaMom]

I just offered my daughter $100 to throw her tuck. She has the skill but just has a mental block.

Yep, totally that mom. If it makes it better, she is a poor college student so I am hoping that the money is motivating.

For my youngest, I told her I'd give her eight quarters when she landed her first tuck. We jokingly referred to it as her two buck tuck. What can I say, I'm cheap

 

[StephlCurry]

For my youngest, I told her I'd give her eight quarters when she landed her first tuck. We jokingly referred to it as her two buck tuck. What can I say, I'm cheap

Hahaha I with $2 would still work for her.

 

[Coach Sara]

Yes here's hoping. I think if she really does throw it at comp and hits it fine she will be fine. She's a weird kid. Her issues don't come from lack of motivation, or fear of the skill. They always tend to come when the new skill is put in a routine. She's so afraid of making a mistake and letting her team down. She is very hard on herself and a complete perfectionist. Of course also doesn't help she's the youngest on her team, she makes that added pressure to live up to the older kids.

It sounds like part of it may be related to motivation since the iPhone (an extrinsic motivator) encouraged her to start doing it in practice. Since she is also afraid of mistakes and letting her team down, I'd encourage you to keep reminding her about all of the things that make her a great cheerleader- not just the tumbling and that her team loves her for all of that. Also, encourage her to see the improvements (such as actually going for it) and improvements in technique as this will help to increase her intrinsic motivation (which is what you want long-term). When used well, those extrinsic motivators can be helpful and do have their place.

 

[Coach Sara]

My mental block was so bad that bribes didn't even work

Thanks for sharing this. This is one of the big differences that can help to show if it's a mental block versus motivation (and of course it can be both). If someone is motivated enough (could be external like the phone or money) or internally (for pride, love of what they're doing), then this can push through the "block." But for some athletes that fear is so strong that addressing their motivation isn't enough.

 

[Coach Sara]

I potty trained my daughter with bribes of candy when she was a toddler, so I'm not above a little bribe now and then. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. My daughter hasn't had a full on mental block yet, but she's teetered on the brink. It's hard to watch them struggle with self doubt when you know that they are perfectly capable. Sometimes a little incentive can help turn their minds away from the negative internal dialogue and redirect them in a positive direction.

I did this with my son too!! As a side note, since you mentioned she seems to be on the edge of one, message me if you want and I can talk with you more about working on her mental skills. We get lots of girls who are dealing with blocks but it's so great to work on mental skills proactively to help ward off the negativity and potential blocks.

 

[mhgirlymom]

I did this with my son too!! As a side note, since you mentioned she seems to be on the edge of one, message me if you want and I can talk with you more about working on her mental skills. We get lots of girls who are dealing with blocks but it's so great to work on mental skills proactively to help ward off the negativity and potential blocks.

Thank you. She has started with a new tumbling coach who is trying to correct her habit of throwing her head back in her tuck so that she'll be able to progress to working layouts. It has just shaken her confidence a little. She is very quick to be hard on herself, and reverting to lots of spotting to perfect technique was causing her to doubt herself. She has been throwing them more by herself the past couple of classes, and she is seeing the difference that the focus on technique has brought. She is definitely my negative Nellie though, so the mental stuff with her is a constant battle in cheer as well as all other areas of her life.