All-Star Confession: I've Become That Mom

[Official OWECheer]

Hey, Amanda's mom wasn't crazy ad neither are you! :)

 

[quitthedrama]

My daughter finally threw her roundoff BHS after years of working on it. As we were driving home, she said. "mama, remember what you promised me when I finally got my handspring?" I started to panic, it has been three years...for all I knew, I probably offered her a car and puppy at some point. I was never so relieved when she said, "an icecream sundae" :)

so yes...we have all been there! I hope your cp's confidence grows and she keeps it. Good luck at the comp!

The photo of her with her sundae was the most adorable thing ever!

 

[njallday]

My first dog was a "if your pop warner team makes it to nationals, we'll get you a dog" gift. Which is so odd because my parents weren't "bribers" with anything. I am also pretty sure they were going to get a dog either way, but maybe wanted to push it off until spring/summer and not winter when I kept asking. Who knows.

But I'll never forget my dad strolling into the backyard with a black lab puppy wearing my cheer bow and medal as he shouted "Meet ___" in my megaphone :) lol I wish he put the cheer curls on the dog, too, just for 90's cheer sake.

 

[mhgirlymom]

I potty trained my daughter with bribes of candy when she was a toddler, so I'm not above a little bribe now and then. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. My daughter hasn't had a full on mental block yet, but she's teetered on the brink. It's hard to watch them struggle with self doubt when you know that they are perfectly capable. Sometimes a little incentive can help turn their minds away from the negative internal dialogue and redirect them in a positive direction.

 

[cupieqt]

Yes here's hoping. I think if she really does throw it at comp and hits it fine she will be fine. She's a weird kid. ***Her issues don't come from lack of motivation, or fear of the skill. They always tend to come when the new skill is put in a routine. She's so afraid of making a mistake and letting her team down.*** She is very hard on herself and a complete perfectionist. Of course also doesn't help she's the youngest on her team, she makes that added pressure to live up to the older kids.

Start rewarding her for taking some healthy risks. If she's afraid to do things she is good at, for fear of making mistakes, she might become adept at not really trying when it really matters. And that's no way to live our lives at all.

I wouldn't worry about being that mom, you sound pretty self aware about what that mom does. You're not asking her to do anything that will bring her harm. You're encouraging her to take the healthy risk. It's a good one to take because if she fails, the world will not end and she will get back up and try again OR have to battle her way back to find her confidence again. Struggles teach us lessons.

If she succeeds.....

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[cheer25mom]

Start rewarding her for taking some healthy risks. If she's afraid to do things she is good at, for fear of making mistakes, she might become adept at not really trying when it really matters. And that's no way to live our lives at all.

I wouldn't worry about being that mom, you sound pretty self aware about what that mom does. You're not asking her to do anything that will bring her harm. You're encouraging her to take the healthy risk. It's a good one to take because if she fails, the world will not end and she will get back up and try again OR have to battle her way back to find her confidence again. Struggles teach us lessons.

If she succeeds.....

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Thank you for this. I made me realize something about my own child. She is normally a VERY confident kid, almost pushy abotu it, but has been less so about working tucks. I think that the whole looking back on things she has said, I think the whole "not making a mistake" thing is part of the issue. I need to start encouraging acceptable risks. She is perfectly capable of throwing safely on tumble track but won't if a coach is standing too close because she is scared to hit them. I think that is a place to start.

 

[cupieqt]

Thank you for this. I made me realize something about my own child. She is normally a VERY confident kid, almost pushy abotu it, but has been less so about working tucks. I think that the whole looking back on things she has said, I think the whole "not making a mistake" thing is part of the issue. I need to start encouraging acceptable risks. She is perfectly capable of throwing safely on tumble track but won't if a coach is standing too close because she is scared to hit them. I think that is a place to start.

You're welcome! So many kids are afraid of making the mistake that it paralyzes them. I try to encourage trying new things. And I like to tell them that, to be good at anything we usually have to kinda suck at it first. The fun is in the trying and in the challenges of it all.


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[HighPonyFTW]

It's not like you weren't going to get it for her anyway. Just accelerated the timeline to get her over her fears. I call that motivating, not bribing!

 

[icequeen]

Ok my daughter is 13 and we've only done Allstar cheer for 4 years. I've seen how crazy some parents get and the lengths they are willing to go to push their kids. I always said that will "never" be me.

So confession time I've become that mom. My daughter is on a R5 team. She's had her full off and on for 2 years. She finally was rock solid with it for like 6 months and then in January her coach put her full in the routine. She then became afraid she'd throw it and mess up the routine. Her solution she just quit throwing it all together.

I've been so frustrated with it. She was upset about it. Just at a loss.

Well she's been asking for a cell phone for about 2 years, specifically an IPhone of course. My husband and I had been discussing when the appropriate time would be to get it for her. Our oldest got one Christmas of 9th grade so we felt the time was definitely coming.

Fast Forward to tonight. We are practicing for their last competition of the season. Coach is asking if she's going to throw the full during tumbling she's waffling back and forth. Before I even realized what I was doing I found myself being that mom and saying "Okay if you throw that full at comp this weekend I will buy your IPhone".

My immediate reaction was Oh no I'm now THAT cheer mom.

BUT she went back out to tumbling threw fulls for the last 30 minutes and then threw it during the routine at practice and stayed after to throw it a couple more times to be sure.

So I guess I've joined that club but it worked!

Sounds like Amanda's mom from when Dunbar was on cheerleader nation.

 

[armycheermom]

I'm not above a little motivation every now and then. It was candy when she was potty training, new bows or toys for finally gaining something she'd been working on for a long time and now it's bring home the grades we want and we'll pay for her college bills. I don't considered what you did bribing, I consider it motivation and teaching her to take appropriate risk.

 

[cheerisloving]

I agree with many, the bribe method is different depending on your CP's actually ability to do the skill. Some girls will get a skill but be complacent in throwing because they aren't motivated. Throwing in the routine might not be enough, but something that will affect them outside of cheer might. Your Bribe wasn't so she could get the skill or push her to do something she wasn't ready for. It was to motivate her to take that risk. Sometimes you need a push to do the things you're afraid of the most. If she had a true block, or couldn't do the skill she wouldn't have thrown it at all.

 

[acecheermom]

You guys have made me feel so much better about it after reading these tonight.

You're totally right I just wanted her to want something bad enough she's willing to take the risk and push through. I talked to her coach again tonight and we were discussing how that all went down last night. His words "...and last night she was on fire! Those were the highest, best, and with most power fulls she's ever even thrown." He was very excited she was doing it and said he expected her to be more timid with it since it's been wishy washy for the last couple months.

The Amanda thing, would you believe I had never heard of this show before this past weekend. I read about it on a thread here and Sunday I watched all 8 episodes on the Lifetime streaming. Hahaha never even thought about it but maybe subconsciously that was where the idea came from to come out of my mouth last night.

 

[acecheermom]

Start rewarding her for taking some healthy risks. If she's afraid to do things she is good at, for fear of making mistakes, she might become adept at not really trying when it really matters. And that's no way to live our lives at all.

I wouldn't worry about being that mom, you sound pretty self aware about what that mom does. You're not asking her to do anything that will bring her harm. You're encouraging her to take the healthy risk. It's a good one to take because if she fails, the world will not end and she will get back up and try again OR have to battle her way back to find her confidence again. Struggles teach us lessons.

If she succeeds.....

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You are so right!

She's a very smart kid, and a very talented kid. But she's definitely one who struggles with taking the risk of making a mistake. She wants to be perfect all the time.

Thanks for this eye opener I'm going to seriously take it to heart and encourage her to take appropriate risks when I can. It will be so good for her. Mistakes are ok. I always tell my girls as well as the kids in my Kindergarten class "I don't expect you to be perfect. I expect you to do your very best!" so I need to push her to live more by that.

 

[cupieqt]

You are so right!

She's a very smart kid, and a very talented kid. But she's definitely one who struggles with taking the risk of making a mistake. She wants to be perfect all the time.

Thanks for this eye opener I'm going to seriously take it to heart and encourage her to take appropriate risks when I can. It will be so good for her. Mistakes are ok. I always tell my girls as well as the kids in my Kindergarten class "I don't expect you to be perfect. I expect you to do your very best!" so I need to push her to live more by that.

I work with a lot of perfectionists. I totally get it. They want it to be just right every time. But one of the best life skills they can learn from THIS sport is how to stay cool when it's not just right...when your grip on the foot isn't just right but you fight to keep it up. Or to react quickly when that crazy thing in the pyramid just happened, or how to keep going (and to keep smiling while you do it) after a fall.
And my favorite...how to fall down 7 times and stand up 8.


Or in the case of all star cheer, fall down 7,777 times and stand up 7,778 [emoji41]


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[Eyes On The Prize]

I work with a lot of perfectionists. I totally get it. They want it to be just right every time. But one of the best life skills they can learn from THIS sport is how to stay cool when it's not just right...when your grip on the foot isn't just right but you fight to keep it up. Or to react quickly when that crazy thing in the pyramid just happened, or how to keep going (and to keep smiling while you do it) after a fall.
And my favorite...how to fall down 7 times and stand up 8.


Or in the case of all star cheer, fall down 7,777 times and stand up 7,778 [emoji41]


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Side note: I wrote my college entry essay on this. Tumbling was very difficult for me and I failed an unbelievable amount of times. I consider myself a perfectionist and struggling with tumbling taught me more about perseverance and accepting mistakes than anything else I had ever done. It's definitely given me the confidence to put myself in "make it or break it" situations and be OK when the outcome isn't "make it".

It's still fun to think about how I wrote about falling on my face to get into college[emoji14]