All-Star For The Parents - What Coaches Want

[drewpate]

Oh my. I might actually HAVE TO follow @NEliteSteven 's advice and open my own gym...because I sure am not getting ANY work done today!

If it's possible I think I agree with everyone so far? Can that happen? I think yes, coaches should be OK with phone calls. I think coaches should make time to talk to parents. I think coaches need their own lives and should be able to go to dinner or SLEEP without us bugging them about tick tocks. I genuinely think if we were to read all of both of these threads, coaches and parents would HAVE TO think to themselves at least once out of the whole 2 thread "Oh...oops....I think I've done that."

I think the best we can ask of each other is this: JUST THINK FIRST. Think "Is this something I have to take care of NOW? Or can I maybe call/email her coach about it tomorrow sometime?" "Do I really have to spot her this second? Or is it more important that I coach this girl who is paying by the minute?" "Do I have to eat NOW? Or can I wait 5 minutes and then run and eat in the office?" "Hm...I think I'll post a Facebook status. What should I say?"

I agree, we've all done some of these things, and I don't want it to sound like one call from you at an inconvienent time will make me hate you. But if I don't answer, please don't get offended. I also am not mad when I get calls outside of gym time, just understand what is an appropiate time. All i ask for is common sense, which is also what parents want from the coaches. I have even called parents to check on kids. For example, after this tryouts, I knew I had a level one athlete who really really wanted to be level 2 but didn't throw her BHS at tryotus (she has worked extremely hard and is very very close). There are no level 2 athletes at my gym without one (asides from senior 2 where we didn't have enough senior aged 1s to justify creating a seperate team, or to combine them with our youth/junior 1 to create a large team in a harder to compete in division). I called the mom after tryout results were posted to check on how her CP was doing and to let her know how excited I am to have her again, and to assure her that we wouldn't stop working on that bhs. However, I will say that his mom and family is one of my favorites, in that all of our interactions have been positive. She knows I'm busy, so she usually texts and asks if I will call her on my own time, She is just a friendly person overall and never pushes for her kid to be the star and realizes that I am not perfect, and doesn't expect me too. I have many parents like this one at my gym, I would say more parents like her (and the quiet, never complain and not much interaction but the hello's and how are you days) than I do the not as friendly ones.
Coaches are a dime a dozen, so are gyms, however good ones aren't. I understand parents frustration as they rotate through gyms to find the best fit for them, and I think many, like @Just-a-Mom have had less than perfect experiences and really just want to make sure that there kids are receiving a positive experience. I understand that totally. They expect us to be proffesional and courteous, like we should be. They are also just as busy if not more than we are, that comes with being a parent or so I hear ;) I also understand that while they might have to take second jobs to pay for cheer, I take my second job because I love my second job. Its a difference. When I have my parents meetings for my squads, I make sure to lay out those expectations for myself as well too the parents.
It is also the job of the parents to make sure we are upholding these expectations, (not putting their daughter in the air or other things aren't included in these expectations) but I will say the most professional thing you can do is call a meeting between the coach involved and their superior if they are not being proffesional, and if we are talking about private lessons, stop paying them the outrageous fees and pay someone else. You ARE the customer after all.

It sounds like most parents are not understanding fully.. I think your looking at it as its 1 phone call and we should make time for it.. but I think alot of you are forgettin that in some programs there are over 200 All Star Athletes (my gym) so its not just 1 parent or a small amount of time.. If I take a phone call from a parent they most likely last for 45mins to over an hour. Very few of the calls I receive are complaining.. Mostly its parents wanting updates or just talk cheer and about there CP. So yes we dont have the time, which is are only free time for friends or family, to talk to you. At the gym yes. But you are 1 of many parents probably wanting to talk. You'll get it once you realize that. WE WILL TALK TO YOU lol but at the gym is the best place to get it done or over email. We coaches most of the time LIVE and BREATHE CHEER.. Its always talked about because most of our friends also coach or are involved.. we too need a break from it sometime even if it just 2 hours a day lol

I defiinitely agree with everything you say. I will gladly return texts and emails, and phone calls if it is not extremely inconvenient, but I do need a break from cheer every once in a while, and if i am consuming my free time with it, at least it is by my own choice.

 

[vipergirl]

the only thing that bothers me as a coach...i have the same mom who calls me CONSTANTLY, i love her, and her kids to death but sometimes it's just way too much. she will call me, and i assume it's important so i answer to find out that she wants to tell me "suzy has been stretching and her bow looks so good, i hope she'll still be a flyer next year"...that's great she can show me at practice, i don't have to hear about this right now while i am on my way to my other job. the only other thing that drives me nuts is when i'm on my way to a competition (already stressed out by the way, because the girls i coach are against 9 teams, and the international 5 team that i compete on is against 5 teams) and i get that phone call, "hi kelly, i'm going to be about 15 minutes late i'm in traffic." okay?? thanks, report time isn't for another 2 hours you aren't going to be late...and then they still arrive there before me...haha...

other than that petty stuff, I don't have complaints!

 

[vipergirl]

the only thing that bothers me as a coach...i have the same mom who calls me CONSTANTLY, i love her, and her kids to death but sometimes it's just way too much. she will call me, and i assume it's important so i answer to find out that she wants to tell me "suzy has been stretching and her bow looks so good, i hope she'll still be a flyer next year"...that's great she can show me at practice, i don't have to hear about this right now while i am on my way to my other job. the only other thing that drives me nuts is when i'm on my way to a competition (already stressed out by the way, because the girls i coach are against 9 teams, and the international 5 team that i compete on is against 5 teams) and i get that phone call, "hi kelly, i'm going to be about 15 minutes late i'm in traffic." okay?? thanks, report time isn't for another 2 hours you aren't going to be late...and then they still arrive there before me...haha...

other than that petty stuff, I don't have complaints!

also if it is an important topic that they want to discuss when they call me i have absolutely no problem with that at all...i'm always willing to help, but sometimes it's quite pointless.

 

[CoachPam]

I give my phone number and work e-mail to all my parents. If there is an emergency or your child isn't going to be at practice, then I need to know immediately. I tell my parents I would rather have them e-mail me. I usually check it atleast three to four times a day and will get back to you as soon as possible. I'm never to busy to not answer a quick e-mail, but I am pretty busy to sit and have a full conversation at the gym. I leave my full time job at 4:30 travel 25 min to the gym and start work at 5:00. As long as you respect me and my time...I will respect you, your child, and your time.

I know some parents put in so much time traveling and making sure they have everything for practice and competition and it's greatly appreciated! I think at times we all get frustrated and that is completely understandable. Who isn't going to have complaints during an 11 or 12 month program?? That's how programs, coaches, AND parents learn and cope to make the program better. And if you don't like it...leave. It's obviously best for you, your child, and the gym.

I would be annoyed with coaches that didn't show up or contact me for my private too:) However, I've had the same happen on the other spectrum. It's up to the coach, but the gym has a policy...you don't show up for three privates=no privates EVER at the gym or you pay for the private that was missed. This kind of goes the same way for the coach. If the coach forgets to tell the parent about not being able to do the private...then you owe them a free one.

By the way...I am inlove with my lower teams! The younger ones make me smile every day!

 

[simplymom]

Not only am I giving the gym and a coach, my (well, my husband's) hard earned money (lots of it).....I'm sharing the most important and treasured part of my life...my child. I have the absolute right and obligation, to ask you questions about her. This is my child. Do I have the right to be disrespectful, rude or tell you how to coach the team? No, absolutely not! Basic manners are really not that difficult for both sides. It is my job, as a parent, to prepare this child to become a productive, kind member of society. By coaching her, you become a part of that journey.

 

[FamUsM0m]

Our gym has always had an open door policy. It's that open door policy that makes parents comfortable. And in the cheer industry, it's what makes parents want to come back to your gym year after year! It also opens the door for discussion. If parents know that avenue is there, they are less likely to abuse it (in most cases). It's when coaches ignore, postpone, forget or just plain don't make time to speak to you that parents feel taken advantage of. FAME has always had an open door policy. I prefer to email personally because it gives the coaches the opportunity to answer when they have time, not at the most inconvenient moments. If parents AND coaches use professional courtesy when it comes to phone calls then there isn't really a problem. I don't call my daughter's coaches unless it's absolutely necessary. I don't think I've ever called her coaches because they took the time to speak to me when i needed them to. And no, not in the middle of practice or breaks because that takes away from their time with the team. If I can tell that a coach is busy or their mind is elsewhere then I know that it's not a good time to approach them. People just need to give each other the proper courtesy when it comes to communication. Coaches, please remember, we bend over backwards for our kids because we love them and see what cheer does for them. Remember that you're not the only one that works 2 jobs. Remember that while you're trying to have a life, most of us have given that up for our cp's. We're not asking you to give up your personal life. But if your FIRST concern is your personally life and you feel that cheer is interfering with that, then why do you coach?

 

[drewpate]

Two quick things, one point I made in my original comment that didn't come through as much as I like is when you get ahold of your coaches at innappropiate times, is that you won't get the answer you deserve. Some very good questions can be answered well with some forethought, and you have been waiting for an hour and half deciding how to make your case but expecting a coach confronted with something and being asked to immediately answer isn't exactly fair. Especially newer inexperienced coaches who are more easily swayed.

Another thing that parents don't always think of that puts us in tough spots professionally, is if you have a disagreement on how a class or team is ran that isn't mine, don't ask me about it. While I might even agree with you, every coach is different and unique in their approach, and i professionally have their back. The only time that is appropiate in any field is if you go to their superior.

I actually have some stuff I'm going to add in the other thread that I know drives parents crazy that coaches do that I try to avoid.

 

[John Butler]

Here's a thought... how about a suggestion/question/convo box. Or a special email account set up where parents could email coaches only once per X number of weeks. Of course, there would have to be some sort of "expected return" timeframe, such as every week on a certain day or something similar? Not sure if it would work, but just throwing it out there.

Seems to me that most of the time the biggest problem is communication. There's either too much, or too little. There has to be a happy medium. In any business, it is important to communicate to your customer. However, it is also important to make sure the customer understands a REASONABLE approach to take if they have questions. I can't stand it when one of my customers blows up my phone. I have a simple rule that I establish with all new customers from the start... 1 call, 1 vm is all it takes. But this expectation has to be established up front AHEAD OF TIME in order for it to work!

After several years of being involved in this sport as a parent, it seems that some simple rules of business will generally fix most of the small problems that cause squabbles in a gym. Coaches should be clear at the beginning of every season, perhaps during the parent meeting, and define a clear outline for how parents/customers can address concerns (be that an email, setting up a conference, a specific day of week, suggestion box, etc.) If it's been clearly defined up front, then the expectations are clearly set and everyone knows what to expect.

That said, no business is without special circumstances. There will always be a situation that arises that falls outside the norm, but that's the exception, not the rule.

 

[BubbleToes]

Questions for the coaches. Have you ever kept your team later then when practice is over? Ends at 830p, but you keep them till 9pm because you just need a little more time? Or you need to talk to Suzies parent after practice, so you keep them after practice, knowing they have Sally, Stacey, and Stephy in their carpool, so all of them are stuck there....waiting till you're done talking to Suzies parent? Is this not a problem for the parent and/or the carpool of athletes waiting to go home to their life outside of cheer? It goes both ways and the way I see it, no ones time is more important than the others.

And btw - Suzie still sucks at tic tocs!

 

[INeverStopCheering]

I may be alone on this one but I really like talking to parents to keep them up to date, but also to learn about their kids. For example, I learned recently that one of the kids I coach is severely dyslexic. I would never have known if her mom had not calmly approached me to just inform me her daughter needed extra help with right and left. I also love it when parents ask about their kids in a positive manner. Ex. Instead of "Why doesn't Susie have her BHS?", "What can I help Susie do to get her BHS?" It really shows coaches that you are committed to your child's cheer career and want what's best for them. However, if you set foot on my floor during practice or yell at your kid to come over too many times (Tiny moms this year), prepare to get a polite email reminding everyone about gym etiquette.

The one thing I wish parents would really really understand, is that I love your kids just as much as you do. When outside of the gym I refer to them as my babies or my kids(which often merits odd looks because I'm in high school). I would do anything for any one of those little girls gym related or not, and BELIEVE me I want them to succeed, shine, and grow just as much as you do.

 

[hopskipandjump]

I would love for parents to bring their child to a competition on time. Dressed and ready exactly like I have put in the newsletter and spoken directly to them about. Being late to a competition is probably the single most irritating thing I deal with as I don't know if you, as a parent are lost, your child or you are sick, or something worse. I also find that it is consistently the same people who do this at our gym, which leads me to believe it is some type of passive-aggressive behavior or that you have absolutely no respect for my rules or both. Regardless, please be on time!!!! (and if you have a problem with getting lost, leave early!!!)

 

[Mamarazzi]

@INeverStopCheering , I'm glad that you have so much love for "my" child, but no, you don't love her as much as I do. I would literally die if something happened to her. Like, literally.
When she's frustrated and can't hit whatever skill, I don't get angry with her for it, I get upset because I can't walk out on the floor and calm her down, like I know I'm capable of. I'm not really "allowed" to talk to her about it in the car on the way home because that would be acting like "Coach Mom." I can't tell Coach X how to get her to chill - while she's freaking on the floor - so she can hit the skill because Coach X wants an appt or a call/text at a later time. A coach will never know my child the way I do because I've been watching her since she came out of my body. If she was a little Jeckyll/Hyde that changed her persona when she stepped on the mat, fine, but that's not the case.

 

[My3KidsMom]

I would love for parents to bring their child to a competition on time. Dressed and ready exactly like I have put in the newsletter and spoken directly to them about. Being late to a competition is probably the single most irritating thing I deal with as I don't know if you, as a parent are lost, your child or you are sick, or something worse. I also find that it is consistently the same people who do this at our gym, which leads me to believe it is some type of passive-aggressive behavior or that you have absolutely no respect for my rules or both. Regardless, please be on time!!!! (and if you have a problem with getting lost, leave early!!!)

Being late to a competition is just not ok. I know it has been our experience that the gyms have given us a time to be at the competition WELL in ADVANCE of our warmup time in order to ensure everyone is there ontime. The worst competition to EVER be late at is Cheersport especially since it's a mile walk from meeting points to warmups. Open door policies to me are the best way to make parents feel comfortable. I think it's all in how you approach each situation. Respect goes both ways and as long as everyone understands that then all is well. Coaches have a tough job but so do parents so working TOGETHER is the only way to get the job done :)

 

[Just-a-Mom]

@hopskipandjump and @My3KidsMom - I totally agree! It is NEVER Ok to be late to competition. We got lost once and were 10 minutes late...NEVER again. I felt like the worst mom in the world, but what was worse was that SIX people got there after us! And worse is the people that aren't ready. Um...if you're not ready, then you're still late even if you're "here". It's like a job: ON TIME means there before the scheduled time, hair done, uniform on, make up on. You know...like it said in the thousand emails you didn't read. ;)

 

[KRECCheer]

It is my job, as a parent, to prepare this child to become a productive, kind member of society. By coaching her, you become a part of that journey.

Whats sad is I know so many people who arent preparing their children for the real world both how things are done in the sports world and in everyday society. Ill use an example that has recently been discussed in my family. My mother was simply an amazing softball player (i say this because her friends and sisters will back up that statement with examples ;) ) She was awesome because she practiced her butt off. Alone. No one told her to go throw bricks to make her arms stronger. No one told her to go pitch against the fence and pick up each and evey ball she threw. She did it because she wanted to be the best of the best. Her coaches made her and her teammates feel like rockstars because they worked their arse off to get that playing time. Its not like that today. Now, you have to give kids equal playing time. And Im not saying every child has to be simply amazing in order for me to pay attention to them. What I am saying is if you as a parent want susie to be point flyer, point dancer, point jumper, whatever it is it may be, then your child needs to work. Plain and simple. And I dont just mean with me at practice. I mean on their own time. Thats how I was raised and thats what I did. I wasnt the coveted number 4 batter because I didnt work hard enough to do it and that was my own fault. But I did work hard enough to play only the single best position in softball ever: third base. :)

As far as everyday interaction I was taught if I wanted respect I better treat people with respect. I was taught to be kind and I definitely wasnt taught to roll my eyes. Nowadays, it seems as if every child has been fed this mentality that they are rockstars no matter what and I need to treat them that way. I cant even begin to imagine saying some of the things I hear children say to their parents. If my grandmother heard that, I would probably be dead right now. If I am to be a part of this journey with you as a parent, I need that respect that I give you and your children everyday I am with them. I dont want to see Susie roll her eyes when she blatantly drops Abby and has to face the consequences. I dont want Susie to talk back to me when the WHOLE team has to run for warm ups. This journey starts at home and I would appreciate some parents I witness stepping up to the plate and teaching your kids some manners (harsh? Probably). I dont doubt its tough to be a parent and I see so many raising awesome children. But it is very sad to see some children who really dont deserve all the good they have been given. There comes a point when you need to stop feeding into the childs "Im so awesome" mentality.