The thing I always say when we talk about this, as someone who works in schools and had a front row seat to a similar situation involving a baseball coach/much-loved special ed student aide:
Abusers don’t just groom kids, they also groom other adults like parents, teachers, etc.
If an abuser came off creepy to everyone from the start, everyone would know they were creepy and there’d be no one to abuse. Parents would be on high alert.
The abuser knows this. That’s why they often are the “sweetest nicest guy who could never do that.” They have to build that persona or else they can’t gain trust.
They don’t only groom kids by being the kindest, nicest person in the gym, they groom parents that way too.
The parents see how kind that person is, how they always take out extra time to work with their child, how much you like them, etc. and it gives them a sense of comfort. They may even have you over a few times for sleepovers and not even do anything abusive. All part of the grooming process.
So by the time the abuse happens and you tell a parent, your parent’s response initially is “I don’t think he would do that Susie maybe he accidentally grabbed your butt in practice trying to spot your tuck?” Or other coaches may be like “This is not true why are you lying on them? Is this because you didn’t make J5?” Anything but believing you because it seems so out of line with that person’s character. Kids may even let it KEEP happening because they’re convinced by adults that this is all a misunderstanding, they’re causing drama, and that person couldn’t possibly hurt them on purpose.
Whole time the abuser makes new victims. By the time someone is taken seriously, it’s more than just one kid.
Remember when allegations came out about Jerry? So many folks said “Omg he is so sweet he would never.” Bottom line: you do not know these people. Even if you work there or they’ve coached your kid for years. You only know the persona that people are choosing to share with you.
