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okay so i have to do a write up about drunk driving using pathos for my graphic design class to use for a flyer and i need to know if any of this makes sense at all, i havent written the ending yet because well i dont even know if i am doing this right to begin with anyways can yall please help me and tell me what you think? harsh criticism is wanted & need

Drinking and driving can be a lethal combination when paired together. It makes you begin to lose your concentration. Your body begins to react to the world around you at a slower pace then normal. It becomes harder for you to see how closely you are following the car in front of you and how close the car behind you is. Your vision begins to blur and you remove your hands from the wheel in an attempt to be able to see clearly again. You swerve back and forth until you begin to put your hands on the wheel again. You manage to control the vehicle once again and drive down the road to only to feel yourself becoming drowsy. Your body gives into the need for sleep and you shut your eyes. Crash. Your body lurches forwards as you crash into an obstacle, perhaps another vehicle or a tree maybe even a telephone pole. You awake the next morning confused and in pain. Your family surrounds your beside as you look up and see you mother, or your sibling, or fiancé crying at your beside stunned at the fact that you are indeed still alive.
 
okay so i have to do a write up about drunk driving using pathos for my graphic design class to use for a flyer and i need to know if any of this makes sense at all, i havent written the ending yet because well i dont even know if i am doing this right to begin with anyways can yall please help me and tell me what you think? harsh criticism is wanted & need

Drinking and driving can be a lethal combination when paired together. It makes you begin to lose your concentration. Your body begins to react to the world around you at a slower pace then normal. It becomes harder for you to see how closely you are following the car in front of you and how close the car behind you is. Your vision begins to blur and you remove your hands from the wheel in an attempt to be able to see clearly again. You swerve back and forth until you begin to put your hands on the wheel again. You manage to control the vehicle once again and drive down the road to only to feel yourself becoming drowsy. Your body gives into the need for sleep and you shut your eyes. Crash. Your body lurches forwards as you crash into an obstacle, perhaps another vehicle or a tree maybe even a telephone pole. You awake the next morning confused and in pain. Your family surrounds your beside as you look up and see you mother, or your sibling, or fiancé crying at your beside stunned at the fact that you are indeed still alive.
Seems right to me! Although I've only had the HS version of writing persuasive essays/speeches. Maybe describe how tired you are or how it feels a little more? But it's good
 
ssccxnce For some reason I can totally see it as a narration toa anti-drunk driving video. I mean that in a good way. The only part that confused me (which I didn't pick up on until the second time reading it) was " Your vision begins to blur and you remove your hands from the wheel in an attempt to be able to see clearly again." Just because to me it doesn't make sense to that taking your hands off will make help you to see again. Maybe say something like "Your vision begins to blur and you remove your hands from the wheel and rub your eyes in an attempt to be able to see clearly again" ?
 
ssccxnce For some reason I can totally see it as a narration toa anti-drunk driving video. I mean that in a good way. The only part that confused me (which I didn't pick up on until the second time reading it) was " Your vision begins to blur and you remove your hands from the wheel in an attempt to be able to see clearly again." Just because to me it doesn't make sense to that taking your hands off will make help you to see again. Maybe say something like "Your vision begins to blur and you remove your hands from the wheel and rub your eyes in an attempt to be able to see clearly again" ?
Thank you! That's exactly the part I was wondering about I just felt I needed something else in there about not looking and everything.
 
okay so i have to do a write up about drunk driving using pathos for my graphic design class to use for a flyer and i need to know if any of this makes sense at all, i havent written the ending yet because well i dont even know if i am doing this right to begin with anyways can yall please help me and tell me what you think? harsh criticism is wanted & need

Drinking and driving can be a lethal combination when paired together. It makes you begin to lose your concentration. Your body begins to react to the world around you at a slower pace then normal. It becomes harder for you to see how closely you are following the car in front of you and how close the car behind you is. Your vision begins to blur and you remove your hands from the wheel in an attempt to be able to see clearly again. You swerve back and forth until you begin to put your hands on the wheel again. You manage to control the vehicle once again and drive down the road to only to feel yourself becoming drowsy. Your body gives into the need for sleep and you shut your eyes. Crash. Your body lurches forwards as you crash into an obstacle, perhaps another vehicle or a tree maybe even a telephone pole. You awake the next morning confused and in pain. Your family surrounds your beside as you look up and see you mother, or your sibling, or fiancé crying at your beside stunned at the fact that you are indeed still alive.
It's very nicely written. The only thing I would say is watch how many times you're using the word "again".
 
I CAN GO ON THE MISSION TRIP TO JAMACIA OMG I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! ... And now I need to come up with $950... Any ideas to fundraise? I'm going to babysit and make some bow keychains but I know that wont be enough. My work and my dads work is going to sponsor me but the amount hasn't been decided yet for either... This is going to be rough! Prayers please! And any ideas are appriciated:D
 
I have a question, and maybe someone knows the answer?

So, on Monday, I puked 9 times. Yesterday, I didn't puke at all, but was dehydrated. Today, I feel like I'm gonna puke again and I feel the little "bug" in my stomach. I feel like I'm gonna puke again, but I can't. Am I over the "bug"?

Hopefully you're fine by now, but it sounded like you were still dehydrated. I wasn't drinking enough water when I first went to college and was feeling sick to my stomach and when I would go to the dining hall I would feel like I was going to throw up after just eating 2 or 3 bites. The doctor at the Quack Shack told me I was -in oh so scientific terms - "about a quart low". :rolleyes: So, hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
 
I feel like I can never reply to someone with less than 100 shimmies, otherwise I'll be accused of being a bully..because it's usually me disagreeing hardcore with just about everything they write. If the first time I see you post is to tell people to 'get over it, it's just cheerleading' or 'shut up so-and-so DESERVED TO WIN', I'm going to plot how to metaphorically remove your teeth. This is competition season, ish is getting real. I don't want to have to feel like the Newbie Police- ain't nobody got time for that..
 
is anyone willing to review my papers for english and give me some things i can fix? it's about college choices... i'll send you the guidelines and stuff. I'm just not sure if any of this is coming out right...
 
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