@Cheer Dad Please forgive me if my story hijacks, but I feel a strong need to share it and this feels like the place.
My daughter is 13 (cheer 12). She was on a jr coed 5 team with a large, competitive gym that she had cheered at for 5 years prior. About a year ago, her team (or some combination of her teams, I can't remember) had an 8 hour Summit boot camp. Towards the end of this boot camp, she became physically exhausted and could no longer flip her body over. I saw the panic spread over her face... this was the beginning of a mental tumbling block.
Her coach handled it by screaming in her face and berating her- during practices, during Worlds/ Summit sendoff in front of a packed gym, and during practices and warmups at Summit. It was horrible and I should have put a stop to it then. My daughter performed at Summit, with easier level 5 passes and basing. After Summit, we made a gym change for the new season. My daughter and I both naively believed that the new, more positive environment would be a quick fix for the block. We were wrong. Though she loved the new gym, she missed the intensity (read abusive relationship) that she had gotten accustomed to at her old program. I was assured that my daughter would be coached less harshly, and we returned a short time later.
Things were going well and after a while my daughter was asked to help out on another team. This was a Worlds team and she was thrilled to be a part of it. One practice, during choreography, another girl showed up to learn the same parts that my daughter had been doing. By this time, my daughter was on 4 teams: jr coed 5, sr coed rest 5, med sr 5, and jr rest 5. Because of the 4 team conflict rules that are in place at competitions, my daughter would need a fill in at times. Unfortunately, nobody told her what was going on, so she thought she was being replaced. This was a common occurrence in this program, so she had no reason to think otherwise. I explained to her many times that she wasn't being replaced, but teenage girl brain would not hear it. Que self doubt and return of the tumbling block. This was January. Though the block began a few weeks before a larger competition, nothing happened other than some yelling and empty threats. She was actually called stubborn and lazy. Again, I should have put a stop to things right here. The competition happened to be in the same city as one of the gym's locations, so there was a Friday night practice before the competition. When my daughter didn't flip over as expected, she was told by her coach, "well you should be fine now since you are no longer on (the World's) team". And with that, she continued to practice with the j5. Since there was no real conversation or communication, she wasn't sure if this was another empty threat or if she had been removed from the Worlds team she was supposed to compete with the next day. I texted the team mom for clarification and learned that my daughter wouldn't be competing with that team any longer. She went on to compete with her remaining teams.
After this competition, the gym began to get serious about upcoming national level competitions (Cheersport, NCA, UCA, etc). My daughter continued to tumble inconsistently. She was often able to complete passes that began with a forward tumbling skill, but could not flip herself over backwards. We began hypnosis, psychotherapy, private lessons with a low pressure coach, and consulted a tumbling block expert who would also work with her by Skype. There is no instant cure for mental blocks, however I feel like we did everything possible. My daughter is a very hard worker and has a strong work ethic, by all accounts. She is humble (perhaps to a fault) and wanted her coaches approval more than anything. Just to be clear, I am not a psycho pushy cheer mom. My kid is a perfectionist and my role is normally to remind her that she is young and needs to CTFD. The more she wanted to tumble, the less likely it became. I will give the coach the credit of saying that she did handle the block less harshly this time. There was considerably less yelling and humiliation and we appreciated that. Still, the pressure and harm of the original block loomed and my daughter knew that eventually the patience would run out. In February, it did. Another girl in the gym was brought in to tumble beside her and threaten her. The girls would trade back and forth and some practices my daughter would not go in at all. Many times she was sent out of practice into another gym to do nothing. Later, a new girl was brought in from a different location to threaten my daughter. Anytime new kids came in the gym, us parents referred to them as "scare girls". That was their job. To scare kids into performing. It's counterproductive, in my opinion. A kid who is already frozen with fear is not going to unfreeze by adding more fear. Seems like common sense, but what do I know.
I knew what was coming and eventually I got the phone call. My daughter would not be on the floor at NCA. She was still part of the team and would still compete at Cheersport and UCA. I won't sugar coat it- I was upset. I knew what this competition meant to my daughter. She had worked 8 years with an NCA jacket as her #1 goal. I cried for her failure and the toll I knew that this would take on her spirit. I vented to my friends and to the team mom who was also my friend. I gathered myself and spoke to my daughter positively. This meant that the pressure to overcome the block was gone. The pressure to perform or cost the team those coveted jackets was gone. She could work her way back at her own pace. She could still travel with the team and would still receive a jacket if they won. I felt like that was fair, she had worked hard all year and contributed as a strong base and helped her team win two Summit bids. I said over and over that she would never want to be the kid who cost her teammates their jackets. We accepted the decision and kept pushing forward.
Then came Cheersport. Day 1 came and it was a mess. For the part that my child had a hand in, she balked her passes and her stunt came down. During the video review after the routine, my daughter's coach looked at her and said "just leave". She came out crying and told me. Soon after, the coach walked out and was speaking with another parent. When they were finished talking, I sent my daughter to the bathroom and got the attention of the coach. I asked her if she really wanted my daughter to "just leave". Her response was that if it would make me happy to leave then go for it. I told her this wasn't about me, but she had to be accountable to her words to my child. She asked me why the stunt fell. I said I am a parent, I have no idea why the stunt fell. It could have been my daughter's fault. It could have been that she had just competed other 2 teams consecutively and that her arms were spaghetti at this point. It could be that she is out of shape from sitting out of practices. It could be that the flyer just got over the flu and still wasn't feeling well. It could be that the flyer was adjusting to flying on two very different bases... hell I am a mom and all I know is the thing came down. Why are you, the coach, asking ME? The subject is then changed to the tumbling. Why didn't she tumble? Well, she has had a tumbling block for a month now, this is not new information. Coach tells me that she believed the kid would "get out there and just throw it". Well, I might be just a cheer mom but this is a no brainer. If a kid can't mentally flip her body over in practice, it's probably not going to happen at one of the most important competitions in front of hundreds of people either. The conversation became circular and incoherent and coach wandered off. We went back to our hotel. I'll just interject here that the team in question was in first place by over 4 points at this time. I'll also add here that in 8 years of cheerleading, I have never confronted a coach about an issue and especially not at a competition. I'm well aware that you just don't to that. This situation, in my opinion, warranted breaking the code.
The next day, I dropped my kid off for warmups with her first team. She would warmup and compete 3 level 5 teams within an hour and a half, just like the day before. Compete, run to the next warmup (through that godawful BC connector while changing bow and uniform top), compete, run the connector, warmup, compete again... it's exhausting just to type. Her first two teams went decent. Her tumbling had been slowly improving on those teams where she didn't feel the same pressure (different coaches). She arrived a few minutes late to her last team with the other crossovers. Gets her uniform changed and goes to start warming up and the NCA replacement girl is in her stunt. She thinks that this is because she arrived late to warmups and takes a minute to breathe. When it is time for the team to go onto the floor, she sees this kid walk up the steps and realizes that she has been replaced. Nobody told her. Nobody said one single word to this 13 year old kid to let her know that she had been replaced. At the moment that the team took the floor, I received a text from the team mom telling me that my daughter would not be on the floor. My response was to send my daughter out immediately and I walked over to the side of the stage where kids exit after performing. The routine started. My daughter's stunt group, which she was not in, fell. My daughter still had not come out. I was beginning to text again when the arena went silent and I heard panicked gasps from the moms around me. I looked up and an athlete was lying on the floor, clearly unconscious. I asked the moms around me what happened. I was told that the flyer was thrown, in a pyramid flip, feet first into the bases face and knocked her out. This was my daughter's group in the pyramid and it was her replacement who was unable to throw the flyer properly (in the kid's defense, she was clearly way too small to base this particular flyer and she had been learning a different part in the pyramid so she was totally winging it). The floor was cleared and the kids came out. I grabbed up my kid and we left Atlanta because mama bear was about to erupt. I texted the coach and let her know that we were done. The team competed again a few minutes later and apparently hit, bringing home those Cheersport jackets. Because that is what TRULY matters.
I have LOTS more to say, but this post is too long already.
