- Apr 3, 2011
- 5,936
- 12,768
For anyone who ever thought they wanted to commit suicide:
When I was 19 me and the boy whom I thought I was in love with and was going to marry were arguing. I really felt like we were over.
I told him I was going to kill myself.
I proceeded to place a belt around my neck and pull is hard as I could. I was laying down on my bed and every ounce of strength I could gain I was using to pull the belt tighter and tighter. I laid just wishing i could die, I couldn't talk, I couldn't breathe, I tried to get up still pulling the belt as tightly as I could and I couldn't even stand. I practically collapsed on the floor because my legs gave out but doing that caused me to let go of the belt. I could not even move I just laid on the floor crying. When I was able to get up I noticed my face had began to look ghostly and my lips were blueish/purple. I cried and cried for the rest of the night. I realized I didn't have to hold on much longer and if I wouldn't have tried to stand up I would of ended my life.
Where the metal part of the belt was had left lacerations on my neck. I had two huge marks right in the front. The next day at work these 2 girls whom I didn't care for were whispering to each other and I could hear them. The one girl said "ewe what is that sh** on her neck".
I had heard them and I jumped at them with some smart comments.
All the managers came rushing over and pulled me to the side and were talking to me. I explained to them how those 2 girls always had something to say. One of the mangers then said "Kristen, that looks like it is from a belt; are you okay?"
I just broke down crying and told them about my relationship and about those girls always saying something about me. Some of y'all don't know but I have a lazy eye. I've had surgeries on top of surgeries and it just wasn't fixable. So a lot of times those same 2 girls would say something about it when I would walk by so I just got fed up with it.
The problem started when I was younger because ever since I can remember the only mean thing anyone could ever say about me was I had a lazy eye. Which led to years in high school where I felt I wasn't good enough. So my boyfriend of 4 years would hit me and choke me. Yes I would fight him back but he was way stronger then me. So because of bullying I felt like I wasn't good enough. So when I had someone who I thought really loved me I let him get away with stuff that should have never happened in the first place. Because of him I let him get to me so much that I thought my life wasn't worth living.
So be aware even if you say something mean about someone. Maybe that one mean comment won't be enough to push them over the edge but just think if everyone else does to it adds up. It may let them be in relationships that aren't leading no where for that since of belonging and acceptance. It may lead them to many different places that could cause them sadness.
I could not be any happier today without that boy! Best decision I ever made was to leave. I'm so glad I'm still here. I learned how to not listen to what others say. If I'm happy then it doesn't matter if you don't like me!!!
It only gets better I promise!! If anyone ever needs anything I'm here!!
I'm so sorry for this girl and her family and friends!
When I was 19 me and the boy whom I thought I was in love with and was going to marry were arguing. I really felt like we were over.
I told him I was going to kill myself.
I proceeded to place a belt around my neck and pull is hard as I could. I was laying down on my bed and every ounce of strength I could gain I was using to pull the belt tighter and tighter. I laid just wishing i could die, I couldn't talk, I couldn't breathe, I tried to get up still pulling the belt as tightly as I could and I couldn't even stand. I practically collapsed on the floor because my legs gave out but doing that caused me to let go of the belt. I could not even move I just laid on the floor crying. When I was able to get up I noticed my face had began to look ghostly and my lips were blueish/purple. I cried and cried for the rest of the night. I realized I didn't have to hold on much longer and if I wouldn't have tried to stand up I would of ended my life.
Where the metal part of the belt was had left lacerations on my neck. I had two huge marks right in the front. The next day at work these 2 girls whom I didn't care for were whispering to each other and I could hear them. The one girl said "ewe what is that sh** on her neck".
I had heard them and I jumped at them with some smart comments.
All the managers came rushing over and pulled me to the side and were talking to me. I explained to them how those 2 girls always had something to say. One of the mangers then said "Kristen, that looks like it is from a belt; are you okay?"
I just broke down crying and told them about my relationship and about those girls always saying something about me. Some of y'all don't know but I have a lazy eye. I've had surgeries on top of surgeries and it just wasn't fixable. So a lot of times those same 2 girls would say something about it when I would walk by so I just got fed up with it.
The problem started when I was younger because ever since I can remember the only mean thing anyone could ever say about me was I had a lazy eye. Which led to years in high school where I felt I wasn't good enough. So my boyfriend of 4 years would hit me and choke me. Yes I would fight him back but he was way stronger then me. So because of bullying I felt like I wasn't good enough. So when I had someone who I thought really loved me I let him get away with stuff that should have never happened in the first place. Because of him I let him get to me so much that I thought my life wasn't worth living.
So be aware even if you say something mean about someone. Maybe that one mean comment won't be enough to push them over the edge but just think if everyone else does to it adds up. It may let them be in relationships that aren't leading no where for that since of belonging and acceptance. It may lead them to many different places that could cause them sadness.
I could not be any happier today without that boy! Best decision I ever made was to leave. I'm so glad I'm still here. I learned how to not listen to what others say. If I'm happy then it doesn't matter if you don't like me!!!
It only gets better I promise!! If anyone ever needs anything I'm here!!
I'm so sorry for this girl and her family and friends!