All-Star So Who Is Responsible??

[MzLyn23]

not my personal situation but a very close friend and her cp... Here's the quick version... Friend will be "Susie" and her daughter is CP...

So Susie and CP recently left previous gym for new gym with better opportunities... Higher level because previous gym couldn't offer that... Unfortunately this happened last minute after original tryouts at previous gym and was in no way planned... The opportunity arised and they took it after discussing the pros and cons, with me included, for over a week.

Anyway, moving on, CP is young 12-13yrs old so keep this is mind... Social media posts began about their decision before Susie and cp had a chance to speak to the gym... All because someone saw her and made the assumption although nothing had been signed or confirmed...

So of course this didn't fall well with the owners/coaches of previous gym but worse were the athletes of same gym... Accusations and rumors and bad talk start forming in group chats and such... Of course it spreads like wild fire... It's brought to the attention of owners and coaches and apparently dies down for a bit (3 weeks approximately).

Well the wildfire has been reignited and the trash talking and pint fingers for nationals lost blaming cp have started again... So now my question is Who is actually the blame? Is it the owners and coaches for not controlling or not following by their social media contract that they make all athletes sign?
Is the parents for not knowing what their children are doing at 2 o'clock in the morning sending texts or posting very nasty negative comments about a young girl who made a decision to better herself?
Can we blame the athletes I mean they're young so how much can you blame them? they're only going by what they think is OK to do? Mind you there was negative comments from parents and from other cheerleaders three weeks ago and now so it's 50/50...
But it's funny how this type of behavior isn't being addressed even though I even sent a text message to the gym owners a very worded message that I would hope they would take the situation seriously seeing as social media tends to create bigger problems and that this is something that should be addressed between parents and children, and parents need to be more aware of what their kids are doing

I'm not sure about other parents but I know what my daughter does. her cell phone is controlled by me. I have passwords to every app she has. she's not allowed to have any of these other random apps like Snapchat or Facebook or anything like that.

Just really bothered also because the same gym removed an athlete two-three weeks ago as well because of so-called social media bullying which was literally a prank that had went wrong and was taken extremely personal although it had nothing to do with the gym (not defending anyone but trying to understand both sides)...
I told Susie that she should send an email to the gym as well as all the parents that go to the gym with the screenshots so that they are all aware so that the gym owners and coaches cannot sweep it under the rug which is what they had been doing for the past three weeks.

I feel that by putting a finger on something like saying this is something that you as parents need to be aware of. your children are doing this. they are posting negative comments about somebody who left. she left!! let it go Already!!
It goes back to that discussion of I'm sorry does the gym own our children every season so what if Susie took her daughter to try out at previous gym and then a month and a half or six weeks later or eight weeks later the better opportunity arose. is she at fault for taking that better opportunity?
I'm sorry if this causes any type of debate. I just want to know that I'm not the only one who sees that this athlete intimidation Gym intimidation athlete bullying that it's not appropriate and that it shouldnt continue and the gym owners and coaches for the sake of their gym name should step up and try to correct the problem if the parents aren't going to. Am I totally off my rocker?

ETA: (first fixed the whole paragraph thing lol) Just wanted to add, again this is not me, yes cp left the same gym for other reasons and coincidentally it happened a month after Susie and her CP left and also after another girl was kicked out for "bullying".... But my cp's decision was something in talks for months (since back before tryouts... and I feel like I forced her to stay even when she didn't want to because I wasn't sure where else to go because of financial reasons)... in the end she's happy and she made the decision on her own but right when we left before she chose a new gym we sat down with the owners/head coach and discussed our issues or my CP's issues with the gym and athletes and left on what felt like good terms... (I also told her the moment she sees negative posts about her or any rumors to block/delete etc - nothing so far thankfully) this was not the case with susie's CP because Social Media (almost like TMZ) publicized the rumors and so on... regardless I'm happy for Susie and her CP is ecstatic...

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

Request: Could you possibly break this up into paragraphs? You're killing me!

 

[Marily]

All are responsible

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

I think I get what you're asking so here goes:

1. Gyms don't own kids. Ownership and coaches REALLY need to move toward looking at cheer as a season-to-season activity. Not a "you started your kid with us and if you leave us after five seasons we're going to be petty because like, omg, your gym is your family 4 lyfe!" thing. It saves a lot of headaches and unnecessary bad blood between both parties.

2. You can have all the social media policies in the world but they are meaningless unless owners/coaches/parents actually follow through on them.

3. Said social media policy is also meaningless when adults start perpetuating the same behavior that they don't want the kids exhibiting online.

4. There are parents on this planet who take the stance of "oh well, kids will be kids" or "she's just a kid" when it comes to what their children do or say about others online. You can't really control that. You just make sure that your child knows what is and isn't appropriate.

5. There are also coaches and owners who take that same attitude. Again, you can't do anything about that. Just make sure that your own kid isn't perpetuating it.

 

[MzLyn23]

Request: Could you possibly break this up into paragraphs? You're killing me!

Sorry. Was on my phone lol

 

[Pebbles49]

@ MzLyn23, I have only just a few words to say to this matter and I tell my kids the same-"Ignore"and "Let it Go"! This molehill of a problem became a mountain when all of these outsiders got involved, especially the grown-ups ...If the grown-ups stayed out of it, trust me, young people are very resilient and will squash it on their own!
So, for the cheerleader moving on to a new gym, just ignore and move on, these other outsiders would eventually gotten bored and move on to other things too.. Really, it is just that easy with this age group. "Ignore and Let it Go, not say anything and this too will pass"!

 

[MzLyn23]

@ MzLyn23, I have only just a few words to say to this matter and I tell my kids the same-"Ignore"and "Let it Go"! This molehill of a problem became a mountain when all of these outsiders got involved, especially the grown-ups ...If the grown-ups stayed out of it, trust me, young people are very resilient and will squash it on their own!
So, for the cheerleader moving on to a new gym, just ignore and move on, these other outsiders would eventually gotten bored and move on to other things too.. Really, it is just that easy with this age group. "Ignore and Let it Go, not say anything and this too will pass"!

It's hard when a young girls feelings are getting hurt and "friends" she thought she had turned their backs in two seconds!! Thankfully my CP is her friend regardless of what gym they're in!!!

We have a become good friends because we are able to separate cheer from real life!! I'm more bothered by the blatant disregard from coaches and owners. Very Deers in headlights look and a "I don't know what you're talking about" kinda attitude. Almost like an addict... Admit there's a problem and at least fake talk and say you are trying to resolve it even if u don't do squat!! Lol
(Notice I figured out how to do paragraphs on my phone... Lol)

 

[Pebbles49]

It may sound like I am being mean, but many of us professionals, who are used to working with this age group, learned to take a hands off method and allow the young people to work it out on their own... Most of the time, when grown-ups get involved the situation is blown up...

I think as grown-ups, we should allow our children to handle a problem and safely learn lessons about human behavior. I witnessed countless times, young people behaving this way and by competition season and being on different gym teams, will be excited to see each other and all is forgotten. These young people just needed some space and time apart... If I were the parent of the departing cheerleader , I will just remind her how much these girls are sad to see you go and how much they are going to miss her and it is coming out as anger... At this time, I will protect my daughter and have her stop reading those posts or not follow these people, that is all!

 

[CheerBank]

@MzLyn23 You and cp will always find out (quickly) who your true friends are when you change gyms, no matter what the circumstances are behind the change. It is a shame when the owners and coaches cannot lead their athletes and parents by example. The best thing I can recommend for you to do is unfriend or hide people from your old gym on all of your and cp's social media. This way they can say all they want and you will be none the wiser (and none the angrier). Turn this into a positive life lesson for cp.

 

[quitthedrama]

Often times gyms preach "family" the entire time you are there, but are very quick to disown you if you choose to leave, regardless of the reason. It's hard, it is hurtful and sometimes the social media bashing and dirty glares at competitions last for a long time, but if you left for the right reasons, then it will all be worth it in the end.

 

[SL&AM]

If we're not able to hold 12 and 13 year olds accountable for their actions, I fear for our current youth. Yes, they are absolutely capable of knowing right from wrong, but all parties; imo, are to blame.

 

[quitthedrama]

If we're not able to hold 12 and 13 year olds accountable for their actions, I fear for our current youth. Yes, they are absolutely capable of knowing right from wrong, but all parties; imo, are to blame.

Amen to this. If you, as a parent, allow your 8 year old to have a social media account and your 8 year old chooses to post something irresponsible, you are both accountable. If you put it on social media, you own it - regardless of your age.

 

[MzLyn23]

Thanks guys! I appreciate all your opinions... At least I know we are all on the same page practically... I agree with everyone's posts....

In the end, Susie is happy, her CP is happy... and I even spoke to her last night and told her, "Your CP needs to delete and block any followers from previous gym because they are the ones you have to assume are feeding information to other athletes, parents, or even coaches from the previous gym..." It might sound bad but lets be real, if you block person A & B but leave C, theres a 50% chance that C is showing or taking screenshots of your post to show to A & B.... We were all young at one point and although the same technology didn't exist for most of us (thank you pagers!! lol) I know, we know, how gossip works!!

 

[cheermomforever]

When someone switches to a new gym , there will always be some negativity from previous gym. Sometimes the athlete or coach u least expect will b negative. Teen girls can b so mean sometimes. Good luck to them !

 

[Helen uk uni cheer]

When someone switches to a new gym , there will always be some negativity from previous gym. Sometimes the athlete or coach u least expect will b negative. Teen girls can b so mean sometimes. Good luck to them !

There doesn't need to be though I changed gyms last year and there was no negativity in fact my old coach and team were there to cheer me on at a comp we were both at and were friendly, supportive and basically everything my current/ now old team weren't