All-Star Thinking About Leaving Allstars

[Trolldance]

My family has been VERY involved in Allstars for almost 5 years. This is a big chunk since my kids are 4,6, and 8. I am so discouraged by the negativity from parents and kids. I LOVE the sport and have coached for the last few years, but I feel the negativity is eating my family up. My question is whether there are gyms out there that have more positive environments, or if this is just part of the sport. I've never seen anything like the way these parents(and some kids) will behave.

 

[PullandPray23]

Where do you live Im sure there are tons of people on here that are knowledgable enough to help you! :)

 

[Trolldance]

I know the gyms around us, but I honestly think it's the inner workings that we wouldn't know about unless we were part of the gym. I'm a bit of an optimist so it took me awhile to realize how much negativity there really is where we are. For example, my 4 yr old (then 3) was being ripped apart by parents in the viewing area with their older children joining in. I coach this team, but sure ended up hearing. I've tried not to be overly sensitive, but it's gotten ugly.

 

[cheerforeverever]

It's just like any work place..... there are some companies with cut throat company cultures and then there are some that are the most fun and wonderful places to work in the world. I find that gyms follow that very similarly......some gyms have lots of crazies that are allowed to run out of control and some gyms run much smoother because unacceptable to do that in the culture that is there. It goes for any sport or extra curricular really: Some will be badly run, some will have bad people, and some will have you asking "why didnt we come here 10 years ago?!!!". I would highly suggest scoping out other programs around you and visiting a practice or open gym to see if they have the enviornment that fits your family, perhaps one that focuses not just on winning trophies but on also teaching positive life lessons and building up their athletes to be ones of strong character. When you can find the combo of winning teams AND a positive enviornment for all, you'll never want to leave.

 

[cheerforeverever]

Also if there are any gyms that you're inquiring about, chances are there is someone on the boards that could give you the inside scoop on what its like to be there. Just post a gym and someone can PM you about their experience there if applicable Im sure!

 

[tumbleyoda]

You may not want to post gyms you are inquiring about. If not careful it could get back to wherever you are now and your hand will be forced before you have found a new position. Discretion is a great thing in this industry and goes a long way. Maybe list a state and take it to PM from there, or see if someone on the board is from the state you are in, then PM them.

 

[Mamarazzi]

Sweetie, I can assure you, this time of year brings out the worst burnout and negative feelings I've seen. Grammarazzi says: The devil that you know is better than the devil that you don't know. Meaning, at least at your gym, you know what you're dealing with. You're correct that other gyms have their own issues and it could take a season, or more, to see those issues. So, in my eyes, the only way to fix it is to try to actually solve the problem - the negativity. Get the owner/director involved to get those parents in check. There's no excuse for them to talk negatively about a 4-year-old.

 

[hopskipandjump]

As the owner of a gym, it is very hard not to be negative, but I try to keep it in check, even when I just want to start ripping people apart. It starts at the top and trickles down. You are always going to have negative people - ALWAYS. No matter where you go. And even if you give families this sport for free (which I have done due to circumstances), you will still even find some of those same families being negative. Its THEIR nature. Not yours. However, if all you see and hear is negativity, I would find a new home. And those parents talking about a four year old??? They need to be yanked up fast and sent packing. That is totally wrong.

 

[Trolldance]

Discretion is key right now for us. The owner would be horrible to me (and quite possibly my children) if she was aware that we are leaving. This is definitely one of the things on my list. I have addressed the negativity w/our owner because I really wanted to help her fix the environment. She refused and made choices to exacerbate the issues. I could give examples all day long. She has chosen to cater to the negative ones out of fear that they will go elsewhere (mind you some of them have huge fee balances). I guess I'm just mourning a lose since I thought I'd made a good choice for my children. We have put a lot in and built some great relationships and I loved the idea of them staying with the same gym throughout their time in the sport. Sorry to ramble, but this is pretty much eating me up. I know it will be ugly when I have my conversation letting our owner know and anticipating that makes it harder.

 

[kristenthegreat]

Maybe some of us could list our state so they know to PM?
I'm (originally) from CT, and I know a bit about the gyms around here and if I don't, who to direct you to in order to give you some ideas..

 

[Just-a-Mom]

Maybe some of us could list our state so they know to PM?
I'm (originally) from CT, and I know a bit about the gyms around here and if I don't, who to direct you to in order to give you some ideas..

I consider myself a bit of an expert on IL now after my yearlong search for the "right" gym for my girls. :) So if it's IL (which would NOT surprise me in the least... given the topic... :oops:) I can maybe point to a positive place or three...

 

[Trolldance]

We do have a gym in mind. I've actually had my 2 oldest tumbling there to build their comfort level. There are not an abundance of gyms where we are ( and a few I know are for sure not a good fit). If we can't find a good and positive fit we will have to walk away, and we love this sport. We are not in Illinois, although I did grow up there.

 

[SparkleSpankies]

I think the catch is while they are still young, try and find the right fit. I know it is hard and to be honest, gym owners do get bitter when they lose kids. We have a team in this area and I swear the kids that flip flop it gets ugly, but at the end of the day, it's what is best for your family!!!!

Feel free to PM me if you want and we can take it offline also to see what may be the best fit and just talk!

 

[Trolldance]

Thanks so much for the support and input from everyone! I totally agree that I need to try and find that right fit when they're as young as possible. We are not the gym jumper sort and I don't EVER want to be forced to do this again. My family is #1 in this decision since we are all (including my husband) very involved.

 

[Funfunfun]

I had my CP at agym for over five years and always thought... That's just how this sport is. I had a "last straw" moment last season. The atmosphere was so negative, they coached by instilling fear, constantly threatening and insulting cheerleaders. Although my CP was never the target, I just didn't like it. We finished the season and went to a competing gym. My CP was reluctant at first. She had a comfort level with the coaches, team mates etc. but I as a parent could see how detrimental it could become. I tried to discuss this with the gym owner, she would not return my phone calls. My CP went to a gym where she did not know a sole on her team and has never been happier. The atmosphere is totally different. They are positive, practice is fun, they work hard, they celebrate the successes of everyone on the team - it's wonderful. They do not always win and when they don't the coaches focus on what they can do to improve next time, not who busted a skill and who "cost" the team the victory. I never thought it could be like this - but it is! I only wish we did this sooner as she's close to aging out. I think having proper leadership is the key and that's what was missing at the old place. The coaches did not have a strong role model in the owner. The coaches at the new place are fully supported by the owner and the owner is very involved with the teams. I hope you can find the right mix. It can be scary to leave the "devil you know" but there are better options! Good Luck!