OT what should i do?

[brookex20]

hi! i have been in cheerleading since 6th grade through my public school. i have loved it. however, i’ve run into an issue with the coaches. cheer is truly my passion and i want to continue it in college. but these coaches have wanted to make me quit on multiple occasions. i can tell they don’t like me. i was captain last year, but was bumped down to co-captain this year, which i’m fine with. i have been on the team the longest, yet it seems like they don’t like me. when they were announcing the positions, for the girl who got captain, she got a long speech on how incredible she is. she is incredible, and i think she’s truly inspiring. when they announced me, they said that i always take the blame for stunts and that was it. but, i didn’t care too much. however, one week the captain was gone. i’m not very assertive, which is why i am okay with being co-captain. however, after practice the coaches called me in after and said that i needed to be more like (captains name) and be her because she wasn’t here. i was extremely hurt by this as i believe we both have different skills to bring to the team. i decided not to say anything and just said okay. lastly, we all were asked to post our mile times for the days they gave us off practice. instead of running once, i ran every single time for five days. when we posted, only me, the captain, and another posted. they all commented on the two other girls posts saying love it, etc. they didn’t say anything on mine. i had written a small paragraph on how proud i was of everyone and how we need to support each other. i love the team and the sport, but the coaches are making it so difficult. it’s clear they don’t like me, as they have done these things and are just cold to me. what should i do?

 

[catlady]

Two possible scenarios...

First, the hardest scenario: 1) People won't always like you, and 2) You can't control or fix all situations. It's important for you to learn to recognize what you can and can't handle mentally, no one else can do this for you. I'll preface this by, get a parent involved if what they are doing is threatening, but that doesn't appear to be the case. Your choices are to walk away, which is perfectly fine if needed for your mental preservation, or choose to work on mental resilience. The mere fact of knowing you are worthy of always being treated with respect and kindness, allows you to mentally respond appropriately when others choose not to. In other words, you stop caring about what they have to say that's negative, and focus on those things pertaining to your job. "No," mental resilience won't make situations pleasant, but it will make it doable.

Lastly, some people are born leaders, while others need to be taught how to be leaders....and, not everyone is a great teacher. If the new, now old, captain had some good leadership skills, be open to recognizing and learning those skills. Even those things that are uncomfortable to our personality can be learned and done extremely well. This may be what the coaches are trying to convey, but are doing a very poor job of communicating it.

 

[CoachHannah]

I agree with the other reply. You have to decide for yourself if this is something you can put up with for an entire season. Phrase it like this: even if the coaches never give me a single ounce of recognition, will it have been worth my time and energy to stay? If you decide to stay, if you get along with the other girls, really lean into your friendships with your teammates to get you through. If you choose to go, it may do you some good to take a year off to try a different sport where you may be given warmer support from your coaches.

I think you’re right that having different personalities isn’t a bad thing. You don’t have to be assertive to be a captain if you have good people skills, or can be a good listener, or have a helpful attitude towards any teammate who needs extra assistance. There are other skills you bring that are valuable, and while it can’t hurt to try to work on your assertiveness to improve your leadership, it doesn’t mean that the other girl is automatically a better captain than you. If you stay, use this as a learning experience for the next team you are on.