All-Star Replacing Athletes With New Athletes...

[littlestALLSTAR]

Something I wonder about the situation being discussed... we all seem to feel some kind of outrange/empathy/sympathy for the parent and child in question, because what happened really sucked.... but what kind of support are they going to get from their friends and peers at the gym? Do they get dropped like a hot potato because they didn't stick with the perfect cheer parent/athlete script? Would there be concern over being blackballed for maintaining a relationship with the "deserters".
It seems like the people left behind need to remain compliant and quiet even though they may clearly see some shady things happening.....just be glad it's not happening to their kid.
I wish nothing but continued success for this CP, she appears to be a very hard working kid with a vigilant and level-headed momma to help her along.
They, at the very least, have overwhelming support here.

 

[CC1107]

My child was used once this way. I was asked if she would come to another team's practice. I assumed it was because my child had been doing well and was being considered to move to a high profile team in the gym. She was only 7 at the time so I didn't know all the cheer politics.

After the practice when the coach didn't follow up with me I reached out and asked how it went. I was curious if she needed to attend any more practices for the new team. I was told my child did fine and nothing else. The next day I learned from a parent on that team who was my friend that my child and another were both brought to that practice to fly in her daughter's place as a scare tactic. I had no idea that my child was not being seriously considered for the team. My child had been excited for the opportunity and was disappointed that she wasn't asked to return to the practice. As a parent I might have done things differently if I had known but honestly I was 100% drinking the Kool-Aid in those early years.

 

[justpeachy]

Something I wonder about the situation being discussed... we all seem to feel some kind of outrange/empathy/sympathy for the parent and child in question, because what happened really sucked.... but what kind of support are they going to get from their friends and peers at the gym? Do they get dropped like a hot potato because they didn't stick with the perfect cheer parent/athlete script? Would there be concern over being blackballed for maintaining a relationship with the "deserters".
It seems like the people left behind need to remain compliant and quiet even though they may clearly see some shady things happening.....just be glad it's not happening to their kid.
I wish nothing but continued success for this CP, she appears to be a very hard working kid with a vigilant and level-headed momma to help her along.
They, at the very least, have overwhelming support here.

That's unfortunately very true. I would say the vast majority of people agree that what took place was wrong. It has been expressed me repeatedly over the years. At one point there was a running joke between me and some other moms- they would scream BE A BASE at me, mocking the coaches words to my daughter.

Often, when people finally do wear down and leave the gym, parents either just forget them or communication goes underground. I've been guilty of it all myself.

 

[mamabear]

oh peachy, I am so sorry.

 

[piglet]

Unacceptable gym behavior is often silently accepted until it happens to your kid. I know from first-hand experience. It ain't pretty, but it's certainly happening. Parents pay a lot of money for their kids to be on winning teams, and we can rationalize a lot of bad stuff until we can't anymore. Ugh.

 

[UCFKnights07]

what about teams who openly voice that no ones spot is secure, smoed obviously comes to mind. I have to wonder what the parents go through with kids on that team sometimes. Granted the coaches make is 100% clear 100% of the time, so i doubt its a surprise to anyone, but i wonder what the parents paying for it all think about it.
i would have to imagine its rough, being on a level 5 team that travels a lot for all these special comps, and then your kid in the end doesnt even make it to worlds because they get replaced. Its got to be a rough pill to swallow for the parent who pays for it all, and commits the time, etc.

as far as other situations, it cant be a complete surprise all the time... if i child gets placed on a team but cant keep up with the skills, i cant see why a team wouldnt replace the athlete to an extent. Im obviously not agreeing to the shadiness of it, but if a team makes it clear what skills are needed to stay on the team, i cant see why it would be a shock if people end up replaced if they ended up losing those skills, etc.

 

[DonePaying4Cheer]

what about teams who openly voice that no ones spot is secure, smoed obviously comes to mind. I have to wonder what the parents go through with kids on that team sometimes. Granted the coaches make is 100% clear 100% of the time, so i doubt its a surprise to anyone, but i wonder what the parents paying for it all think about it.
i would have to imagine its rough, being on a level 5 team that travels a lot for all these special comps, and then your kid in the end doesnt even make it to worlds because they get replaced. Its got to be a rough pill to swallow for the parent who pays for it all, and commits the time, etc.

as far as other situations, it cant be a complete surprise all the time... if i child gets placed on a team but cant keep up with the skills, i cant see why a team wouldnt replace the athlete to an extent. Im obviously not agreeing to the shadiness of it, but if a team makes it clear what skills are needed to stay on the team, i cant see why it would be a shock if people end up replaced if they ended up losing those skills, etc.

What I'm learning from working with kids more and more, is that it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Or in @justpeachy 's case and my former base' s case, if you say anything to the child at all. I mean, how hard is it to say, "hey kid, not this year." I mean even the worst employee gets called into the bosses office and fired.
This is not pointed at you @UCFKnights07, I'm just adding my thoughts to yours.

 

[CheerBank]

Unacceptable gym behavior is often silently accepted until it happens to your kid. I know from first-hand experience. It ain't pretty, but it's certainly happening. Parents pay a lot of money for their kids to be on winning teams, and we can rationalize a lot of bad stuff until we can't anymore. Ugh.

what about teams who openly voice that no ones spot is secure, smoed obviously comes to mind. I have to wonder what the parents go through with kids on that team sometimes. Granted the coaches make is 100% clear 100% of the time, so i doubt its a surprise to anyone, but i wonder what the parents paying for it all think about it.
i would have to imagine its rough, being on a level 5 team that travels a lot for all these special comps, and then your kid in the end doesnt even make it to worlds because they get replaced. Its got to be a rough pill to swallow for the parent who pays for it all, and commits the time, etc.

as far as other situations, it cant be a complete surprise all the time... if i child gets placed on a team but cant keep up with the skills, i cant see why a team wouldnt replace the athlete to an extent. Im obviously not agreeing to the shadiness of it, but if a team makes it clear what skills are needed to stay on the team, i cant see why it would be a shock if people end up replaced if they ended up losing those skills, etc.

Regardless of how unacceptable a gym's behavior is, when a parent goes into this with eyes open, knowing that their child's gym has this reputation, and even leaves the gym and goes back to it, at what point does one stop blaming it all on the gym for how their child was treated when they turn out not to be that untouchable snowflake? It reminds me of the story of the scorpion and the frog. AesopFables.com - The Scorpion and the Frog - General Fable collection

@justpeachy I hope your daughter is doing well and that you will both come through this stronger, that she continues with her love of life and cheer, and that you find peace in your heart with it all.

 

[justpeachy]

@justpeachy I hope your daughter is doing well and that you will both come through this stronger, that she continues with her love of life and cheer, and that you find peace in your heart with it all.

I appreciate that and I'm sure we both will be just fine.

Just to be crystal clear, I don't blame it all on the gym. I did say several times that I should have made different choices.

 

[quietmom]

I appreciate that and I'm sure we both will be just fine.

Just to be crystal clear, I don't blame it all on the gym. I did say several times that I should have made different choices.

We all make mistakes and have regrets from our choices. Learn from it. Don't beat yourself up. I hope that your daughter lands with the gym that is the right fit for her at the end of all this.

 

[Teacher Mom]

what about teams who openly voice that no ones spot is secure, smoed obviously comes to mind. I have to wonder what the parents go through with kids on that team sometimes. Granted the coaches make is 100% clear 100% of the time, so i doubt its a surprise to anyone, but i wonder what the parents paying for it all think about it.
i would have to imagine its rough, being on a level 5 team that travels a lot for all these special comps, and then your kid in the end doesnt even make it to worlds because they get replaced. Its got to be a rough pill to swallow for the parent who pays for it all, and commits the time, etc.

as far as other situations, it cant be a complete surprise all the time... if i child gets placed on a team but cant keep up with the skills, i cant see why a team wouldnt replace the athlete to an extent. Im obviously not agreeing to the shadiness of it, but if a team makes it clear what skills are needed to stay on the team, i cant see why it would be a shock if people end up replaced if they ended up losing those skills, etc.

Especially for those athletes that moved to be on a team. As a parent, I would expect my daughter to get replaced if she wasn't working to their potential. That's preparing them for adulthood - where, despite popular belief of our youth, you must work hard to fulfill your goals.
That being said, belittling and demeaning behaviors of coaches/owners is unacceptable. Very few people are motivated by that and at the precarious age of 13 is morally wrong.

 

[Keep_Believing]

It is interesting how differently other sports are set up. In baseball the pitcher, football the quarterback, really any positions or spot in most sports are never promised, etc. and can be switched out mid game without given reason, notice. It is just part of those sports and clearly set up that way. Cheer is a very unique. If you miss practice or a competition, then your stunt group can't go up, half the pyramid may have a hole in it, etc. The dynamics are different.

 

[Melissa Starke]

What I'm learning from working with kids more and more, is that it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Or in @justpeachy 's case and my former base' s case, if you say anything to the child at all. I mean, how hard is it to say, "hey kid, not this year." I mean even the worst employee gets called into the bosses office and fired.
This is not pointed at you @UCFKnights07, I'm just adding my thoughts to yours.

This is so true.
Im in education (special needs, mostly behaviour/learningproblems)
And my tone of voice is leading in how a kid is going to react.
If they "hear" angry/upset (might not be the case but hey, we hear what we expect/want to), they will get up their defense so fast i cant get through
Yet if they "hear" calm collected and facts, they may very well listen first and think before they react. my teachingmentor can and sometimes willl be loud with the kids, but ive also seen her do the " im dissapointed in you" with one of our newer boys and that works so much better. They expect angry/upset, when its not, it makes it so much more difficult to do the one ear in, the other ear out routine.

@justpeachy
Im sorry your cp went through this.Its unacceptable, period.
It takes a lot of courage to get out here and tell this and to take responsibility for the choices you made. I hope she keeps on to her love of cheerleading, and uses this experience to her advantage, so no other coach will get awaywith doing this to her .

 

[MaineStar234]

@justpeachy I'm so sorry for what your daughter experienced. I applaud you for taking responsibility for your part in the situation, and admit you made some wrong decisions. I wish healing and happiness for you both.
Side note: were you/your daughter at cheer Alliance back in December? I was at that comp and a kid, in the gym's j5 uniform, that I think may have been yours (mostly based on her hair color) (she was with the gym owner's older daughter) told me she liked my Hamilton musical hat. I had actually meant to ask you this back after it happened but I totally forgot.



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[Dani-j]

I am the team mom of the team this all happened on. I have for three days thought about how to reply/ respond on this post. I do not think anything positive can come from posting negative. What I will say is that I love all these kids with all my heart and things are not always as they appear. There are absolutely two sides to every story. I will tell you that the parent posting I considered a friend but at this point I am defending the team, program, and coach that I love. The previous post is not entirely accurate on the way things happened nor does it represent the way the said team or program is ran.
I have often had thoughts about the vast majority wanting/saying cheerleading is a sport (which I agree it is). The major difference I see in cheerleading than every other sport is the expectation to keep a child on the team not doing their job. In baseball if the pitcher is throwing balls, the athlete is pulled from the game. This sport should be no different. My CP was put on this team to tumble and if she could not do her job I would expect her to be pulled and be disappointed if she was not. It's a life lesson to do your job. This CP that the post is about was not yelled at or degraded/ demeaned. I sit in practices with the coaches and have witnessed first hand the encouragement of trying to get this CP back to doing standing tumbling. The CP had been doing running tumbling during practices but would get to comps and tumble on some teams and not others. This had happened at multiple comps this season. It can not be blamed on the coach as all the CP teams are coached by different coaches. And the tumbling issue happened randomly on different teams.
To address the multiple team issue....
The CP was put on 2 teams asked to be on the third and fussed until placed an a 4th team (which was a Worlds team) placement on that team was strictly to tumble. This worlds team also competed in Louisville on the same weekend that all the CP other teams competed in Atlanta. Hard to be at both those events at the same time which lead to having a fill in and eventually a replacement because the CP was not tumbling. To address all these athletes compete on all 4 of these teams. Absolutely not true. I only had this CP cross to the worlds team she was on. I had 5 cross to 1 of the teams she was on and 5 cross to the other. They were not the same 5.
There was a discussion with the CP on day one about not competing day two and the Coach had a conversation with the parent. I texted the parent because I was not aware that they were told. However, I would never walk away from being a team mom because of having to bear bad news to a parent or CP. I want to be there for both the parent and CP in any way possible. I am their biggest fan. Everyone here may have a completely different outlook on this but I love and nurture these kids and would give them anything. I want them to know at any point in their lives, if they need me I'm a phone call away. So with that said bad news does not bother me. Sometimes I feel like I can be a shoulder to cry on. If anyone here has any other questions I will try and answer them to the best of my ability but I will not answer if I feel like it will hurt the CP that was the focus of this feed.



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