All-Star Sex Offender Arrested At Cheer Comp

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

I think there is an element of this that is also is a parent's responsibility. It is important to teach our kids (male and female) that they do have the right to have control over hugs, kisses, etc. If my daughter didn't want to hug her grandmother as a small child, I feel that it is their right. Forcing your kids to "give hugs/kisses" even if you are just trying to teach them to be nice can fog their idea of what is appropriate or not as young kids.

As teenagers, it is even more the parent's responsibility to communicate with their children... all of the time. My daughter came to me months ago completely shocked that a 16 year old on a cheer team went on vacation etc with a 21 year old coach. She has been taught that those types of relationships are not appropriate. All coach/athlete relationships are limited to cheer only. You see them at privates, tryouts, practices, and comps. They are not your "friends". They are your coaches. I believe in teaching the exact same thing with teachers.

I am a stalker of my kid's social media (not as much now that she is 18). I know who her friends are. She does not allow strangers to "follow" her or friend her on facebook. If it isn't someone that she has talked to in person, they do not get added. I have asked her before many times about who certain people are.

Maybe I am paranoid. I have definitely been the "mean" parent. It is worth it a million times over if it means that my child is protected. Even if she misses out on some "celebrity status" nonsense.

I think the lines get blurred because folks constant say things like "We are like FAMILY in this gym!"

But no.

Billy Bob is not your kid's father figure/uncle/etc.

He's a coach. He's not family.

 

[quietmom]

Cheer gyms would be wise to apply the safe sanctuary guidelines that are part of the United Methodist Church. Anyone interested in reading how they manage this can find it here:

Safe Sanctuaries General Guidelines and Policies - Discipleship Ministries | Equipping World-Changing Disciples

There are a lot of safeguards set up to protect both kids and the adults.

Kids/teens/athletes should NEVER travel with coaches without adults/parents present.

 

[StephlCurry]

I think the lines get blurred because folks constant say things like "We are like FAMILY in this gym!"

But no.

Billy Bob is not your kid's father figure/uncle/etc.

He's a coach. He's not family.

This happened at a small gym where my daughter filled in for a comp or two. The one coach came outside and met my daughter's boyfriend. He kind of grabbed my daughter in a side hug and told him that he better treat her right because he is watching. I was standing right there and kind of pulled my daughter away (she was definitely uncomfortable) and said that we don't need assistance in determining the best boyfriend for her. She is smart and strong enough to make those decisions herself.

I know that we offended him but that was just not okay with us. My daughter has plenty of family to help her out. She needs you to coach her and nothing more.

 

[mamabear]

I think it that the fact that we have to have a discussion like this is very sad. I understand why some people feel this way and that there is cause for concern, but I also feel that some of the precautions being discussed here are being taken to an extreme which I chose not to go to. If I found myself questioning a coach's intent, then I would be questioning why I had my daughter there at all, and I would be looking for a new gym.

Abuse is prevalent in every industry not just cheer.I truly believe that there are more good people than bad in the world. If you asked me what my favorite moments were from this season, it would not be the wins, but moments were I saw my CP connect with others and yes, sometimes those moments included physical contact.

Maybe it is different for me. I am also very visible at the gym and know and trust who is around my kid. I would never leave her in a situation where I didn't trust someone or didn't know them.

I don't know. This is a hard subject to discuss. I just feel uncomfortable at branding all physical contact at predatory.

 

[StephlCurry]

I think it that the fact that we have to have a discussion like this is very sad. I understand why some people feel this way and that there is cause for concern, but I also feel that some of the precautions being discussed here are being taken to an extreme which I chose not to go to. If I found myself questioning a coach's intent, then I would be questioning why I had my daughter there at all, and I would be looking for a new gym.

Abuse is prevalent in every industry not just cheer.I truly believe that there are more good people than bad in the world. If you asked me what my favorite moments were from this season, it would not be the wins, but moments were I saw my CP connect with others and yes, sometimes those moments included physical contact.

Maybe it is different for me. I am also very visible at the gym and know and trust who is around my kid. I would never leave her in a situation where I didn't trust someone or didn't know them.

I don't know. This is a hard subject to discuss. I just feel uncomfortable at branding all physical contact at predatory.

I agree with that... hugging isn't bad in and of itself. That is why I have always focused on teaching kids to be able to say no to hugs even if it is "societal norm". I have always had extremely open conversations with my kids about the people in her life, both adult and child.

To put all of the responsibility on the coaches to always eliminate even the tiniest of physical contact is not fair at all. I understand limits but if a 5 year old wants to hug her coach good-bye, I don't have a problem with that. if that 5 year old came home and told me that her coach makes them hug him/her good-bye, there is an issue.

 

[mamabear]

I agree with that... hugging isn't bad in and of itself. That is why I have always focused on teaching kids to be able to say no to hugs even if it is "societal norm". I have always had extremely open conversations with my kids about the people in her life, both adult and child.

To put all of the responsibility on the coaches to always eliminate even the tiniest of physical contact is not fair at all. I understand limits but if a 5 year old wants to hug her coach good-bye, I don't have a problem with that. if that 5 year old came home and told me that her coach makes them hug him/her good-bye, there is an issue.

I absolutely agree.

My kid is a hugger. I have taken the time to teach her that she not only has the right to not hug someone, but that she also has to respect others if they don't want to be hugged.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

I think it that the fact that we have to have a discussion like this is very sad. I understand why some people feel this way and that there is cause for concern, but I also feel that some of the precautions being discussed here are being taken to an extreme which I chose not to go to. If I found myself questioning a coach's intent, then I would be questioning why I had my daughter there at all, and I would be looking for a new gym.

Abuse is prevalent in every industry not just cheer.I truly believe that there are more good people than bad in the world. If you asked me what my favorite moments were from this season, it would not be the wins, but moments were I saw my CP connect with others and yes, sometimes those moments included physical contact.

Maybe it is different for me. I am also very visible at the gym and know and trust who is around my kid. I would never leave her in a situation where I didn't trust someone or didn't know them.

I don't know. This is a hard subject to discuss. I just feel uncomfortable at branding all physical contact at predatory.

I don't think anyone is saying it is predatory. Everyone has different personal boundaries as a family.

 

[MomMomMamaMom]

I think it that the fact that we have to have a discussion like this is very sad.
I don't know. This is a hard subject to discuss. I just feel uncomfortable at branding all physical contact at predatory.

Very True. What is interesting is that I have some lines that I don't even know why are there. Hugs are okay with me, provided there is respect given for a child's reaction. I'm in line with those parents who have taught their children that they do not have to give hugs, or kisses if they don't want to. But I cringe when I see even younger kids hopping on various opposite sex athletes or coaches, on their hips, legs wrapped around them etc. I almost messaged a mom I didn't know once to warn her to watch her daughter after seeing like 10 pictures of the same type of thing, even knowing that it was more imitating what they see on Instagram etc because athletes love to post pics like that with their best whatevers.

 

[oncecoolcoachnowmom]

This happened at a small gym where my daughter filled in for a comp or two. The one coach came outside and met my daughter's boyfriend. He kind of grabbed my daughter in a side hug and told him that he better treat her right because he is watching. I was standing right there and kind of pulled my daughter away (she was definitely uncomfortable) and said that we don't need assistance in determining the best boyfriend for her. She is smart and strong enough to make those decisions herself.

I know that we offended him but that was just not okay with us. My daughter has plenty of family to help her out. She needs you to coach her and nothing more.

To take what I said a step further:

Female coaches are also not your kid's aunties/sisters/BFFs/second moms.

They are not YOUR BFFs as a parent.

They are coaches.

It is always an adjustment when I get a new parent who came from a very "we are BFFs" previous school/all star program. It's hard for them to realize that no, we are not friends.

I can't give your kid a ride home from practice.

She cannot sleep over at my house the night before the comp because you're out of town.

I know your previous program coaches did that stuff, but I function a little differently.

(I also do not feel comfortable having a kid other than mine or my sisters' in my car in general.)

 

[amy1k]

I think it that the fact that we have to have a discussion like this is very sad. I understand why some people feel this way and that there is cause for concern, but I also feel that some of the precautions being discussed here are being taken to an extreme which I chose not to go to. If I found myself questioning a coach's intent, then I would be questioning why I had my daughter there at all, and I would be looking for a new gym.

Abuse is prevalent in every industry not just cheer.I truly believe that there are more good people than bad in the world. If you asked me what my favorite moments were from this season, it would not be the wins, but moments were I saw my CP connect with others and yes, sometimes those moments included physical contact.

Maybe it is different for me. I am also very visible at the gym and know and trust who is around my kid. I would never leave her in a situation where I didn't trust someone or didn't know them.

I don't know. This is a hard subject to discuss. I just feel uncomfortable at branding all physical contact at predatory.

I agree that there are instances of abuse in all industries, but cheer and other areas where children are involved are more at risk because those jobs attract pedophiles. Trusted and well-loved coaches (and teachers and religious leaders of youth and scout leaders) HAVE been found to be pedophiles. Specifically related to cheer...I live in a small cheer area...gyms are few. I can tell you there have been three coaches (two that at some point coached my child. One was not an illegal relationship...but adult coach/senior aged athlete) who lost their jobs due to inappropriate or predatory acts. And those are just the ones I know of. Considering how quiet those three have been kept, I guarantee there are more instances.

 

[SL&AM]

I wonder how popular the trend of athletes traveling without their parents still is within the industry?

Way back when, during my high school age years, I danced for both my HS and then a short time in AS. For HS and then AS we had one huge end of the year comp and neither time did I travel with my mom/family. We were under the care of our coaches and a chaperone or two. Same for a band trip I took in the 9th grade---we were gone for a week out of state and there was probably a chaperone to every 10 kids. These things were normal at the time.

It kinda seemed like that had died, especially with seeing how many families travel together in the older divisions. But come World's timeframe, the dance studio DP goes to sent out their World's info and I found out that all of their athletes travel under the coaches care only. 1 team is a Sr level and the other is an Open level so it's a big mix of ages, but you don't even have the option of traveling with your athlete. Houses got rented, food was dealt with and families got to see their athletes during free time slots.

 

[CheerBank]

I understand the risk is real, but treating every individual like a predator is wrong too. The parents trust me with their children, and I don't go over the line with any of them. This label is the same reason any male who's working with young kids is instantly labeled a pedophile, and I think it's a failure of our society.

While I trust my kids' coaches - I have to - I will never leave them alone with them. Whether it's me sitting in my car or the next room, if there is a 1:1 session going on I will always be within stones throw watching or listening. This goes for my 12 year old son as well, maybe even more so, with his male (not cheer) coaches.

Is it a failure of our society, or a product of our society? Regardless I do not ever want my kids to be in a situation where they are afraid or hurt. I'm not sure if you are so a parent or not, but if you are not, it's hard to explain to a non-parent that protect my kids at all costs instinct.

 

[cheerisloving]

Just to echo what some of the parents have said, the comfort level with a coach comes down to the parent and child. My parents taught me at an early age of who was allowed to touch me, or see me in certain states of dress. My father is very active but before we gave rides, he made sure parents knew. I wasn't even allowed to do sleepovers as kid unless it was with a known family friend.

I had a close relationship to my HS coach and her husband who coaches other sports in our school. They've taken me home, they've given me hugs. I've spent entire days with her, and they've been over my house. Granted, my brother and their oldest daughter are good friends but I didn't develop this relationship until later on. But I'm not the only kid who has done this. I think it makes sense to keep an eye on situations when your child is younger, but as they get older they should know right and wrong. It doesn't mean you stop paying attention but you have to trust they will come to you if something isn't right.

 

[ErinS]

I understand all of your points, but I think it's sad that it's something I need to concern myself over. Treating everyone like a predator IMO perpetuates the biased treatment of most particularly males (since most athletes in this industry are female). The same thing can be said for other male teachers in the same situation, in another sport, or even a school setting.

The coach that I know that was falsely accused was female accused by female athlete.

It's sad that people are sex abusers and it's sad that some people will lie to tarnish someone's reputation






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[RichmondT25]

Ugh. Good catch by the cop.

Registered sex offender arrested at cheer contest - Houston Chronicle

Ugh. Good catch by the cop.

Registered sex offender arrested at cheer contest - Houston Chronicle

This kinda reminds me of when I was at Cheersport Washington, D.C last season. There were two arrests made and they were targeted towards our gym, as well as a couple of others. One of the arrests were for public indecency (I think you get the picture). The second arrest was for attempted kidnapping. The man tried to grab one of the 7 year olds on our youth 2 team. All I can say is how do these people get in to these kinds of events?!?!