All-Star It Gets Better...tell Your Story & Take The Pledge

[canttouchthis]

I was going to post on the opposite from watching two old parents accept a gay son, but the other poster kinda of shut me down. But I am going to post anyway. I have watched both sides of this happen over a 20ish year period. It started with outright rejection of the idea of gay (but not the son). But the rejection was pretty offensive.. I came to realize that as I watched the process work that they were in some ways just really grieving the idea of their dream of a son with a family and kids and so on. BUT, they loved their son, and he continued to push nicely...meaning instead of hiding being gay as he had for many years, he would talk about his life and friends and so on. Their minds opened a crack. Then he started introducing friends and such. And I could see them realizing, 'hey, these are some great people.' I'll bring the story to a close with there was a wedding that the parents joyously attended and we are just one big happy family now. Opps, I guess I outed him. Oh well. Maybe the wedding pictures would have done that.

At any rate, what I saw was two really conservative people change over time. In some ways, they had to be pulled and in others they had to be pushed, but it can happen. Are they perfect, no. But then again, no one is. @canttouchthis ...I think your mom will come around. She too is at the beginning of a journey. Trust me, I know she is thinking about you all the time.

yeah i think she will come around. i saw this a lot when you go in the closet and your hiding and you come out your parents have to go right back in that closet and see where you where and be in the dark and hide it but then when they are ready to accept you they will but you have to give them time.

 

[chyeeaaa69]

I don't have a bad story, or a good one, I guess both?
Maybe surprising..?
Since I was a kid, I've kissed boys, I've touched them (I have very vivid memories of things happening at age 7/8 that shouldn't have at that age), but I never could put a label on it, not at 8. Back then girls still had cooties, so I never thought it was weird that I wasn't interested in them. Hey, the first time I saw a girl naked (with my best friend, online, while my parents' backs were turned of course) I got a little.. well.. yeah, but Idk, something was always different, I always looked at my guy friends a little differently.
In grade 7, I became REALLY close with a girl, and we talked about everything. This is around the time I first started to identify what I was feeling, although I was still dating girls. I told her that I "thought I was bi" and she was okay with it, so I began telling other friends. By the middle of 8th grade, everyone in the school knew, one of my cousins knew, and my sister's best friend (who was basically a sister to me) knew. I never had the courage to tell my parents. They'd always joked, always used the f word loosely, always made it seem like a bad thing, so I didn't have the courage. At the end of grade 8, I became interested in cheer (of course, not telling my parents), and began to look at old cheer videos. Through grade 9, I became obsessed, and watched cheer videos religiously, and went to 3 verrrrry small competitions near me. I was convinced to try out, along with another guy at my school, tried out, and made it. The ride home that night was awkward, I had to tell my mom I made the cheerleading team (keep in mind, I'm from a small town, cheerleading was ALWAYS a girl's sport here). She automatically said "don't only girls and gay boys do that?" and I assured her that, no, in fact some of the best cheerleaders in the world were straight, and proceeded to show her Top Gun's 2008 Worlds video.
Fast forward to October of grade 10. It was pretty commonly known in school that I was gay, I'd get made fun of, pushed, hit, etc. but it was never THAT bad. I have a thick skin, I can deal with it. I started dating a guy who was in the closet, and he came out, and when he came out to his parents, they hated him, so I lost all confidence. He came over one day (I skipped school to hang out with him, he was 4 years older and no longer in high school) and I thought we'd be home alone. Well.. we were... and my mom walked in. That night she pulled me into her bedroom and we had a conversation, she assured me that neither her nor my dad cared, and my sister had told them she heard from a friend that I was, and that there was such a thing as bisexuality, phases, etc. I told her it's not a phase, I'm not bi, I'm gay.
In the summer of 2009, my ex (who I mentioned earlier in this post) began dating a guy who I was basically in love with. It led to insane amounts of partying and trying illegal substances. I hid from every person in my life why I was trying these drugs, in fact most people didn't know I was, and to this day don't know it ever happened. I looked at that as the way out.
Over the years, I've found a lot of happiness in cheer, in music, and in writing, and when I'm upset, I'll look to one of the 3, nowadays it has become writing. I have (thankfully) survived multiple suicide attempts, and would never be the strong and confident person I am today without what I'd been through.
I'm so happy that all these people on this thread could share their stories, it truly does allow some insight for maybe a few people who don't understand, or (like me) didn't expect them from some of the users on here, afterall we only see screen names and a small picture.

P.s, my whole family knows now, except my younger cousin (who I think has figured it out by having me on Facebook). We decided not to tell him because of his age, him being impressionable (even though I'm 100% against people who say you can "turn" gay, his parents believe otherwise), but the rest of the family knows. The person on Earth I'm closest with now is my other cousin, who is also gay, and I'm probably the luckiest person on Earth to have the most supportive family.

 

[MyDaughterCheers]

I turn 26 this week. I am telling my dad this weekend abut my sexuality. Its been hidden from him since I came out to my mom. Here goes nothing.

I hope it all goes well for you. Your dad loves you and if he doesn't accept it now, he will.

 

[MyDaughterCheers]

@Seeker30, you are an amazing person to have the courage to share your story with all of. Thank you for that. I am so sorry that you had to endure so much hurt from the people who are supposed to love you the most.

 

[Kimpii]

People need to learn that you fall in love/get attracted to a PERSON... not a gender, and stop putting people in chategories.

 

[chyeeaaa69]

If you YouTube 'FCKH8' there are a bunch of light and funny videos on their page about gay rights and things. Most of them are a little vulgar which is why I'm not posting them but I think they do a great job at disproving many ideas people have about the gay community. Ya'll should check them out. They also have an apparel site where some if the proceeds go to fighting for gay rights. It's FCKH8.com

I wanted to post the video of Wanda Sykes (possibly my favourite gay person on Earth) saying on Ellen like, how she didn't have to come out black and stuff to lighten the mood, but I didn't want it to be inappropriate

 

[ellen495]

I turn 26 this week. I am telling my dad this weekend abut my sexuality. Its been hidden from him since I came out to my mom. Here goes nothing.

I will be hoping your dad is as enlightened as MOST people on this thread.

 

[Giselle]

I wanted to post the video of Wanda Sykes (possibly my favourite gay person on Earth) saying on Ellen like, how she didn't have to come out black and stuff to lighten the mood, but I didn't want it to be inappropriate

Hahaha I love that video and Wanda soooooooo much. She's amazing!

 

[Num1Stunta]

It led to insane amounts of partying and trying illegal substances. I hid from every person in my life why I was trying these drugs, in fact most people didn't know I was, and to this day don't know it ever happened. I looked at that as the way out.

Thanks for sharing that aspect of it. I think you bring an important issue to light that this thread hasn't stirred up yet- the rampant use of drugs and alcohol in our community, especially among teens. Gay teens/young adults also have much higher incidences of depression and suicide, as well. Though I would say that the drug use among gay males is higher than females. The drugs are used to numb the pain of dealing with being a gay person, and also I think as a way to bond socially. I think it's higher among males because of society's perceived inequalities between men and women. If a girl is a tomboy, that's ok, because she's seen as exhibiting strong, male characteristics. But, if a guy is more effeminate, that's showing some kind of weakness.
I've seen it so often among my gay friends, and I too struggled with feelings of loneliness and depression at times. I think we just always feel like we're on the outside of society in a way, and we crave a sense of belonging and a sense of community. This is one of the reasons that the gay community is so tight, so open-minded, and so diverse, and why gay people are able to bond with each other almost instantly- male or female. We have gay tv, gay films, gay music, icons, literature.... It's like being in a secret little subculture of superfierceness<3

 

[chyeeaaa69]

@Num1Stunta I completely agree with what you've said. I think, as strong as we may be, it's so difficult to have people hate you literally for no reason, to have people want you dead, or hurt, because of something you can't change. I think we're a long way off from gay equality, but in a sport like cheerleading, you can't really avoid it, and it is amazing how accepting the cheerleading world is. You could never have a football or baseball or hockey forum where people tell stories like that, and that's why I love this community.

 

[Mom Jeans]

@FamousRudags, Been thinking of you all weekend. I hope all is well...if you need a virtual hug just come on the board. Everyone here has your back=)

 

[JerricaLynn]

@Seeker30 Thank you for sharing your story, I have chills! I love this thread It makes me so happy to see so many people comfortable with themselves and willing to share their struggles. I have many gay men on my team who I love dearly, two of my best friends from High School are lesbian and my mother's best friends were a lesbian couple that have been there my whole life! Obviously, I'm very accepting and I hope things like this will make the rest of the world the same!

 

[Rudags]

Came out to my dad this weekend. I told my mom I was going to and she begged me not to, but I did anyway. We were outside alone and I told my dad I had something to tell him. He asked what and I just said "I am gay" He said "Oh..." I asked him if he was okay with that and he said "Sure... Just don't get aids" I supposed the talk could have gone a lot worse. He was really okay with it from being from a conservative family in small town Iowa who throws gay slurs around quite a bit. Thanks for the support y'all. I know not everyone is as lucky as I am to have supportive parents, but I feel SOOO MUCH HAPPIER that I got it off my check to my immediate family.

 

[NEliteSteven]

I love how almost everyone always has a "Bi the way, I'm gay" phase. haha

 

[Mom Jeans]

Came out to my dad this weekend. I told my mom I was going to and she begged me not to, but I did anyway. We were outside alone and I told my dad I had something to tell him. He asked what and I just said "I am gay" He said "Oh..." I asked him if he was okay with that and he said "Sure... Just don't get aids" I supposed the talk could have gone a lot worse. He was really okay with it from being from a conservative family in small town Iowa who throws gay slurs around quite a bit. Thanks for the support y'all. I know not everyone is as lucky as I am to have supportive parents, but I feel SOOO MUCH HAPPIER that I got it off my check to my immediate family.

I can almost picture your dad saying "oh.." I'm soo happy for you, your parents are amazing!